Darkness

Ohh Mel, what a spot to find yourself in. If I was in your shoes I am sure that I would be feeling the same as you but from the outside looking in and I sure you would say the same to me, is there really a choice here my friend. We all know where your current path is heading and that is an outcome that you don't want for your boys, your brother, me or the other fourm members you care about so very much. I am sorry to say that I think you have to do the bigger thing here and even if its a lie to her, it's actually putting you needs first for a change and thats a great thing, I don't normally advocate lying but this is an extreme case and you really do need this treatment to start to have a better qualitliy of life for you and your boys, Like I said before imagine being able to tell her the truth or even where to go once your treatment is done!! Imagine have the strength to stand up and refuse to be treated any differently to anyone else, Imagine being able to open the door to Jules and standing your ground and just sendiing the boys out to him not allowing him to enter, hang around or effect you in anyway. Imagine having a weekend to yourself to do things you enjoy rather then the way you spend them now. I am sorry honey I want you to get back to being you, I want you to have more joyfull days than sorrowful ones, I want to here where you went and what you did.... The possiblitlies are endless on the other side of the treatment my love and if for some strange reason it doesn't work for you then at least you tried you gave it your best go and no one can take it away from you.

Please let me know what you decide to do Mel. You make my world that much brighter place to be gorgeous girl. I love you 3000 @Lee82

I love you pea @Bunniekins

I know you are right my love it's just so damn hard to do. I am sick of having to apologise for my MH. No one bloody understands it at all. I am sick and tired of having to explain everything and sound like I am feeling sorry for myself which I absolutely hate doing.
I am also very terrified to go into hospital hun. With each day comes even more anxiety about it.
I don't even know where I would begin with mum or what I can even say. I am so tired of being like yes sir no sir...At 37 she is still running my f**king life.
How has your day been so far hun?
loving you always. 😘

@Former-Member

I don't blame you in the slightest for not want to apologise to that wicked b and yes we shouldn't have to apologise for having a mental illness but unfortunately that is the way for now and it sucks. I do it all the time too😒 Like they think it's a choice we made for our life🤬🤯🤬 As for being afraid of going to hospital I also can't blame you honey and I think it's kinda of normal, cause who really wants to go for any length of time. Just think of the options you have my love, I really want to be messaging you on an out of date IPhone from the rocking chair of my nursing home.

My day has been ok, only one meltdown today which is great. Shadow is being her cheerful self 🥺 little one is demanding all the time and bear keeps cleaning. Finally got a rough list of what I need for the presents, mine you hubby and D2just added 30 rain sticks to the list of things I am making for Christmas 😱 I will put a YouTube clip of the drink bottles I am making for the kids in the family.i worked out we have 37 children in the family, the eldest just turned 18 and the youngest is due in November!!!!!!!! I am making them all a drink bottle or sippy cup!!!!! You don't have to watch it or watch all of it as it is long!!!!

What food are the boys and I going to be throwing at each other behind your back tonight @Lee82

https://youtu.be/CkVWvebMUb4

@Former-Member

Holy :pile_of_poo: that is a lot of kids....sounds like my family...lol however we don't see them anymore.
that is going to keep you very busy till Christmas which I guess is a very good thing.
grear idea hun. They look fantastic. I watched the video. 😉

Hahahaha...I can picture us trying to text in the nursing home. It will take half the day to write 1 message....stuff that I am just going to book a room right next to yours...

tonight dinner is pasta with a cauliflower and cheese sauce topped with crunchy bread crumbs. 😋😋

pretty messy :pile_of_poo: I'm sure you will have a lot of fun throwing that around...🤣🤣

@Former-Member

@Former-Member

Well that would be very messy but ohhh so much fun and just think of how much Boris will enjoy cleaning it up off the floor and the boys 😂😂😂 @Lee82

Hey honey. How have you been doing? I haven't heard from you today and I am a little worried. Any chance of just a support so I k ow you are safe.
mtanke my khve

miss tou so myxh

love you always

@Former-Member

I'm listening to beautiful in my eyee thinking of yiu

@Former-Member

My love are you ok?

@Former-Member