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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thank you @NatureLover feeling pretty exhausted actually. How have you been? What plans do you have for today?

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Anxiety is exhausting, isn't it...and I'm guessing you might not have had much sleep last night? @Lee82

I went out for a walk and shopping early, so now just some housecleaning... Do you have homeschooling today? It's Wednesdays you don't have it, isn't it?

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Yea I didn't get much sleep last night either. Today I have homeschooling as tomorrow is Wednesday. Tomorrow no school. 😁 I am going to try and for e myself to go out for a walk later today but I will see how I'm feeling. hopefully the sun stays out.
@NatureLover

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thank goodness you get Wednesdays off homeschooling 🙂

There hasn't been much sun here but I hope it comes out for your walk, @Lee82

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey gorgeous I hope your safe and sound session went well today. Just wanting to let you know that I am thinking of you and that I love you 3000 + another 3000.

@Former-Member

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

So much love for you @Former-Member Take care Hon

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I know I didn't even get through the first 24 hours of not being here, but I didn't expect to feel so utterly alone. I have no one to turn to right now. I don't understand why in real life there is no one I can call to say hi too, no one I can safely talk to when things are too tough to talk to hubby. I just got some pretty heartbreaking news from D3 and he was like ohh well that's sad but it is what it is. It got me mad for a second but then the loneliness just hit me like a brick. Sitting typing this through a steady stream of tears wondering what's so bad about me that I don't have others in my life.

The Safe amd Sound session didn't go well today but Nat wasn't expecting much today and told me because of how long I have been in flight/fight/freeze it may take longer then the five days. How the hell am I going to go longer then that with out my friends, the only place I can share without fear. I don't feel safe here, I want to go somewhere else to stay the night but have nowhere to go.

Thank you all for your messages they really have touched my heart. @Lee82 @Zoe7 @NatureLover @Eve7 @Emelia8

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Sending love @Former-Member i have lots of love but not many words tonight 💜💕

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey honey. I'm so so sorry for how you are feeling right now. I wish I could be that person that you can call, that person that can be by your side and hold you. My heart breaks for you. I am here if you want to talk about anything hun. Here you are not alone. Here you are loved and cared about.
please be patient with yourself when it comes to this new therapy. Today is only day one and you should pat yourself on the back for giving it a go. That takes a lot of courage and determination beautiful.
love you forever and a day

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Sitting right beside you @Former-Member 💓👂

And I am sorry that your D3 delivered you some heartbreaking news. 💘

Never alone Izzy/Nikki/etc ... with you in spirit and heart.

Emelia 🌸

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