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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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@Lee82 wrote:

To be honest @NatureLover I haven't done much treatment lately. My MH health team are pushing for me to go into hospital and do EMDR treatment but my situation with my boys I just can't do that right now. I am trying to deal with all this whilst I am looking after to young kids as well as homeschooling and looking after a house and being there for Mum and her family. So I understand hospital makes sense but I just can't abandon my responsibilities right now. Yes my meds have changed but they are still not doing much.
I'm sorry to hear your depression is hanging around but happy to hear no SI. That is a win hun.


Yes, I can see how difficult it would be to go into hospital...but it seems you are in so much distress, every day, @Lee82 ... 😞

I'm sorry the meds aren't doing much...I hope the increased dose recently will start to kick in soon and make a difference. You say you haven't been doing much treatment, but you're seeing your counsellor and you're taking your meds...that sounds like treatment to me 🙂 I just wish it was more helpful.

Yes, I haven't had any SI for about 12 years now, thankfully. The last intense episode of SI lasted for 3 years...not sure how I survived it.

Sending you warm hugs, @Lee82 ...

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That is an amazing feat @NatureLover 12 years!!

I hope that one day I can say that too but at the moment it doesn't feel like I will ever be able to.

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@Lee82 wrote:

I hope that one day I can say that too but at the moment it doesn't feel like I will ever be able to.


If it can happen to me, it can happen to you too, @Lee82 ...I'm sorry you can't see any hope for it, and I understand why...severe depression is the worst, in my mind. It terrifies me. So I really feel for you, and also @Former-Member and @outlander and @Snowie and @Eve7 and @Emelia8 .

❤ 💔

In response to: Darkness

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@Lee82 Just letting you know that I am safe and keeping our promise. Just too much pain and too exhausted to

do any thing today. Sorry I haven't been here for you

and our other friends.

love you

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So sorry for your pain and exhaustion, @Former-Member 😥

Sending you a very gentle hug and many warm caring thoughts 💜

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Severe depression scares me too especially when I am the only adult in the house and I have 2 little ones depending on me to be strong and capable. I don't feel strong nor capable. It all very scary.

@NatureLover

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Please don't apologise for not being here hun. I am so glad to hear you are safe and keeping your promise.
remember honey I am always here for you. I love you always and forever and I care about you more than anything.
I am so sorry to hear you are in pain. That breaks my heart..💔

stay strong and safe my BFF.

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

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It must be scary @Lee82 - I take my hat off to you for looking after 2 kids, feeling like you do. I think you're amazing. ❤

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Thank you for being so kind but I don't feel like I am doing a good job right now. Mr9 suffers academically already and now I have put him behind his work cause I just can't stay present enough to help him.
I am failing as a mother miserably. I know everyone says you are just doing your best but I am not doing my best. I am keeping myself just above water and I feel I can't do much else.
@NatureLover

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness


@Lee82 wrote:

I am keeping myself just above water and I feel I can't do much else.


That's why you're amazing, @Lee82 ...you're keeping going when I couldn't even function. I really hope you can extend the kindness and care that you show us here, to yourself... 💔

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