Darkness

Yea I guess we are all our own enemies. It's amazing. I can give advice to others and truly believe in it but I don't ever take my own advice always here thinking that I am beyond any help and don't deserve any support, care or love from anyone. I seem to push everyone in my life away knowing that I don't deserve their relationship.
@NatureLover

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@Lee82 wrote:

...thinking that I am beyond any help and don't deserve any support, care or love from anyone. I seem to push everyone in my life away knowing that I don't deserve their relationship.

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You definitely do deserve support, care, love, kindness and relationships, @Lee82 ...you are really doing it incredibly tough and deserve all the help you can get. I'm glad you haven't pushed us away 💙

Hi @Lee82 I just want to agree with @NatureLover and encourage you today. It’s hard to be a mother and deal with mh at the same time but you are doing it, one day at a time and keeping your head above water.

I’ve been in hospital this year but there were times when my kids were little that I just had to pretend I was coping due to the pain I caused them if I did go to hospital.

Depression is the pits and there are times we who suffer from it feel life will never change for us and we feel trapped because we love and care about our families.

I am here any time you want to chat and will always try and support you. We are all here trying to do life together.

💙🧡💙

I could never and would never push you guys away. I feel accepted, not judged and feel like I belong here. This is the only place I can be me. This is the only place I have friends and the only place I can talk about what's going on for me without the fear of consequences.

@NatureLover

Thank you so much @Eve7 . It is damn hard. I feel like it's catch 22. I can go into hospital and risk affecting my kids MH as they are already dealing with a lot at the moment or I can try and deal with this outside of hospital and risk affecting my kids MH by them witnessing things they shouldn't see. Damned if I do damned if I don't.

Yep @Lee82 I totally know where you are coming from. Even as adults, my kids have been hurt this year by my mh but I honestly think if hospital is what is needed, and you have a safe place for your kids, it’s better you go in and do your best to get well.

It has to be your decision and no one else’s.. I honestly do understand the turmoil.

💙🧡💙

Yea it is such a tough decision to make. I k ow my mum will have my kids but that won't be done without consequences. My mum is not the easiest person to live with. Also my boys already feel like their dad has left them I don't want them thinking I am leaving them too.
@Eve7

I wish I knew what to do.
@Eve7 I am so very lost and scared.

Would your mum cope with homeschooling @Lee82

My Mum minded my kids for months one time when I was in hospital and she’s still carrying on about it over 20 years later. I also had a cousin mind them which was better but I don’t think my kids have ever gotten over it. Maybe if I hadn’t been unwell this year they’d be better but it’s brought up all their unresolved childhood issues.

if you did go in would you be able to engage a child psychologist to help your kids understand? I think that may have helped mine.

💙🧡💙

I think it’s possible to prepare everyone prior to being admitted and by doing that you have better prospects for recovery. That is much better than letting your mh get to a crisis situation and everyone is traumatised.

Gentle hugs @Lee82 Go easy on yourself.

💙🧡💙