Darkness

I understand hun. It is going to take all the strength you have and all the determination you can muster to help yourself get out from under this. Yes it will take time but that is understandable.
yes just like dory always says...just keep swimming...🐟

@Zoe7

Yes it is @Lee82 I am absolutely gutted right now. I had a conversation with my sister today - talked about it being harder being so far away and not being able to go to the funeral. There are answers I will probably never have as well and all those 'what if' thoughts. I am trying really hard not to think that way but I suppose that is my way of trying to deal with it. I just cannot imagine life without him in it

It must be so damn hard being so far away from them and not being able to go to the funeral to say your last good byes.
This maybe a little too out there or too difficult to do but it's just a suggestion....have you thought about maybe either video taping a message or writing a letter and sending it for them to put with him. Perhaps it will help you move on a little.

what if's are something I always think of and I know that they do nothing but hurt me. Although I know this I still can't help but think about them so I know its hard to stop but you have to try and focus on all the great memories you have of him. Focus on the love and laughter you shared.

when is your appointment with your pdoc?
@Zoe7

I did think of sending something but it most likely would not get there in time with the delays of getting things out of the state @Lee82 I am hoping after all this covid stuff is over I can go up to Queensland to pay my respects then.

We did share a lot of laughter and definitely a love for each other. I always wondered what would have happened if he had stayed in the state but I knew his dream was to travel to the mainland and see where that took him - so we remained friends ...a mutual decision but he didn't want me to be hurt knowing he would leave so it was an easy decision for us both to make. I am so glad it took him closer to his sister (who he both loved and admired) and that he made begun to make a life for himself there.

We spent many afternoons snuggled on the couch talking or him playing his guitar and singing - he was very talented. We also chatted online nearly every night - even on days we saw each other. The bonus of that is I still have all those chats to be able to hold onto. No more chats though hey - so hard to accept.

Bed time for me @Lee82 Goodnight sweetheart

If you trust his sister enough you can email it to her and get her to print it out if that helps hun.
sounds like you do have many many great memories to hold on to and those taped chats will be so very precious to keep forever.
I really do hope that these restriction lift soon because I think once you can make the trip there and see everyone and be able to say goodbye to him you may feel closure hun.
it will always be hard to accept. It is very unfair hun. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and especially in a time like this as well.
@Zoe7

Good night hun. I hope you can have a restful sleep.
@Zoe7 sending you a gentle hug. 💗

Hugs back to you too Hon @Lee82

Izzy I really hope you have fallen asleep. I am hoping your ok and I haven't said anything to upset you.
love you 3000 my friend.
@Former-Member

Sorry honey, I did fall asleep. Wish I was still asleep 😞 @Lee82