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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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Re: Darkness

@Former-Member
💞💞💞

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Hey Nikki. I'm so sorry it took so long to reply. Had a pretty bad panic attack that my poor boys had to witness as I tried to hide it as best I could.
although I am so very happy to hear that Izzy is slowly coming back I am at the same time saddened that you will be gone. You are truly an amazing person nikki that had so much weighing on your shoulders for such a long time. I hope you can take this time to rest. Even though you won't be around you will always be around in my heart. I will always be thinking of you my love and never forget just how much I love you hun.
to infinity and beyond, always, 3000 my sis.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

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Good morning everyone, I truly hope your Thursday is gentle and you are able to find moments of joy in your day. Thank you all for the on going support you guys gave unconditionally to Nikki. Thank you to @Lee82 and @Emelia8 for your lovely messages to her. 💖Izzy

💝🌸 @Lee82 🌸💝

💖🐶 @Emelia8 🐶💖

💖🦖 @outlander 🦖💖

💖🍀 @NatureLover 🍀💖

💖👸 @Bunniekins 👸💖

💖👩🏼‍🏫 @Zoe7 👩🏼‍🏫💖

💖🍎 @Appleblossom 🍎💖

💖🦋 @Eve7 🦋💖

💖💐 @Shaz51 💐💖

💖🌹 @Maggie 🌹💖

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@Former-Member 💜💜🌸🌸🦖🦕

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So good to see you again Izzy @Former-Member 🐶 💕

I hope you can ease back into the warm embrace of your many loving forum family members at your own pace. Looking forward to catching up with you.

Emelia 🌸

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member Love to Nikki hoping she has a beautiful, sunny and warm day, Lots of love peax

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness


@Former-Member wrote:

Izzy is back though not overly active so this maybe my last post for a while if she decides to be present again. You guys have helped keep me relatively sane these long pass couple of months so thank you. Loved being part of this wonderful family and I will be back. 💜Nikki


Nikki, you are an amazing person, so strong and wise. You have done so well keeping Izzy and the others safe under incredibly difficult circumstances. I will miss you.

But at the same time, it's so good to see you back, Izzy!

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

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@Former-Member

Wishing you the best. Glad that you are feeling a little settled with your alters Nikki and Izzy. Life is one learning curve after another.

Its been lovely having your bubbly energy around.

@NatureLover @Lee82 @Bunniekins @Emelia8 @Maggie and all passing through ...

In response to: Re: Darkness

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Welcome back Izzy! I missed you so much beautiful. How you feeling today hun? Nikki is just so amazing and she is apart of you which makes you even more amazing!! She will be missed but so happy to have you back my sis.
sending you a million hugs 💗 💗💗💗

love you to infinity and beyond babe.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hello gorgeous Mel, I have read back a couple of pages😞 I am sorry your boys witnessed your panic attack, I know how much you hate them seeing this part of your recovery but I am sure they are aware of more then you think. Children are so much more aware and intuitive then we give them credit for. Also sorry that you and @NatureLover are stuck in stage 4 lockdowns it can't be easy for either of you. It's strange being back in the body so many changes in the body and changes that none of us are happy with, but one step at a time. It was hard to be in my "dark room" as we call it. So much was and still is happening to us and around us it's just got too hard to deal with. The pressure to "get better" is a lot heavier then before I left. Hubby is doing an amazing job of caring for me but I have already seen in his eyes that he is getting exhausted and that has never been easy to see when it's my fault. I am going to try an convince him to go back to his mum's for the weekend to just have a break.

I am so very happy to see you back here @Emelia8 , can't wait to chat with you.

Little one, glad to see you finally got some answers in regards to your health. Sorry it was overwhelming for you. Has any of it started to settle down yet? @outlander

@Zoe7 , so happy to see you as well. You where not here when I left. I hope you week hasn't been to bad and you have found moments of calm and joy.

@Appleblossom , how are you doing lovely?

@Shaz51 and @Maggie , hope you both are having and easy day

@Bunniekins , Hey how is my princess pea doing?

@Eve7 , sending you huge hugs my lovely friend.

@Lee82 , listening to "Thank You" 🌸💝💝

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