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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member Hey hunny am about to hop into a nice, warm shower to heat my cold body up. Has been a lovely weekend we even had some sunshine and blue sky where we are. Hope you are doing okish and that life is treating you kindly my dear friend. Love always pea x

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I'm breathing babe. I'm so sorry:x I feel like shite.
@Former-Member

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey @Former-Member ... I notice that you posted to me a couple of hours ago, but the post disappeared soon after. I have been waiting for it to come back on line again, but suspect that it is sitting in limbo waiting for you to edit. At a guess I'm thinking it was rejected because you mentioned how successful you were at getting fit and healthy and getting to a healthy weight. We are not allowed to mention any amount of weight or kgs lost. I made that mistake once too. 😔

Anyway I still have it in my email and will respond to it now, just in case you dont realise your post was removed, and think that I'm ignoring you. I'm not. 💕

Firstly, sorry to hear you are a type 2 diabetic. It affects so many other things doesnt it, and is not an easy thing to manage. Especially when you have some pesky little ones who demand their sweets. 🍬 I am pre-diabetic (insulin resistant) apparently, but it is managed with healthy eating for now. I have never been overweight and have never been someone who eats a lot of sugar. My Dr tells me that stress and anxiety is a cause of Insulin Resistance however, and thats what he has put mine down to. So this damned PTSD has a lot to answer to !!!

Yes it is a matter of priorities for you I guess. Your mental health right now needs to be uppermost in everyones thoughts for the time being. Hopefully that will get sorted soon and you can return to taking better care of the physical side of things.

Oh dear, that does not sound at all good with things having deteriorated so dramatically since my departure. I am so pleased that you have such a close connection with @Lee82 ... you both strive to keep each other safe, and thats such an important friendship to have. To think even more of someone else than your own self ... it is very special. And I am ever so happy that you each do that for the other.

I did try to keep track of how things were going for you (and a few others too) but its hard having to try to find everyones thread when you do not have an account. But I did see a couple of mentions from you of my old username and that brought a smile whenever I did. It somehow maintained a connection, of sorts. So thank you for that. @NatureLover did so as well, and I was very grateful. 🙏

Awwww ... dear little Kimmy. I must have missed that about the car with the butterfly stickers. I am so sorry to read that my sudden departure caused such distress to Kimmy, or for anyone else for that matter. But to say that I too was deeply distressed about having to leave, is very much an understatement. It was not something I had a choice in, sadly. But hey ... I'm back now, and very happy to be here again. I missed all my friends here very much, and had heaps of my own tears for a long time. So I do understand Kimmy's tears.

Its so nice to see that you and @Lee82 have been able to have a live conversation here today. And please do not let me disrupt that. Leaving you to it again now. 💕

@Lee82 ... thanks for your post to me earlier today. We do already know each other, as you may have figured out by now. 😊 Of course it is quite okay for you to read my thread, in the My Story section. I had to abandon my former thread, in order to not link my former and current usernames. But you are very welcome to visit me and post any time you would like. I would welcome that very much in fact. I thank you for your kind words here. I do not feel strong, but I suppose I have survived ... and thats a decent start.

Emelia 🌸

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Ohhh Em , I forgot about the weight thing. 🤭 I hope that it doesn't get me into trouble again, otherwise I might not be around for 48 hours. Why did I forget that🤯😭 Please don't feel bad about Kimmy to much she left herself not long after because of a memory that came up in a session with Nat. Kimmy doesn't trust easy, "big people hurt little people" but with you and @Lee82 it was so easy for her. I am very greatful of that.

Please know that while your departure may have caused some of us here distress, we all understood why you had to go and supported your choice. Doesn't mean we didn't miss you like mad thought. @Emelia8

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Why are you feeling like that honey? @Lee82

Very glad your breathing my love.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Panic attacks have been coming band going day today babe but I have manages to keeo them unser contsol

just lose my eye sight and feeling lighr headed.
I have a pretty bad nightmare last night and it is still affecting me today.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I am so sorry it's been such a bad day for you my love. But you are doing so very well if you have been able to manage your panic attacks mostly today. I see that as a big win for you, I am so very proud of you. @Lee82 Love you 3000 to infinity and beyond Always my gorgeous friend

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thank you so much beautiful. It has bewn tiring.
how you dongs?
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

My Lee loved you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. Kimmy

@Lee82

helo em, I like you lots tooo Kimmy @Emelia8

@helo pea I like you too Kimmy @Bunniekins

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hello Kimmy 👧

How nice to see you sweetheart. 💖 And yes ... I like you too ... very much.

Have you been doing any paint pouring lately, or art? I still have the beautiful butterfly you made me. Still on my wall.

Thanks @Former-Member 🙏

Em 🌸

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