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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Oh honey...we are here for you whenever your ready.
Love you to the moon and back 💗

sending you a gentle hug ❤️

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

NO YOU CANT. Remember our promise.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I know @Lee82 amd it's the only thing keeping me from it. Love you 4000

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

For what ever happened honey I am so very sorry. My heart is breaking for you my beautiful friend.

please remember just how much you mean to me. Please remember that I will always be here for you.

love you unconditionally Nikki. ❤️
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

holding you close @Former-Member am here if you need to talk about what happened.
🦖🦕

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member ❤️

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thank you @Lee82 and @outlander , you both are totally amazing friends who I probably don't deserve. So time to explain today, @Appleblossom you my friend will understand this probably a little too well 😞

The past SI attempts (expect the last one which I won't talk about ever) have almost been half hearted. What I haven't shared is like our friend Apple, I too had an SI delay tactic. What I told myself was that all I needed to do is to reconnect with my dad one more time and then it was ok to let go. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever see him again.

Todays visit was uncomfortable for everyone but we where there for an hour and half and the conversation flowed with no awkward silence. We left agreeing to do it again in a couple of weeks. I walked to the car, once in the car I lost all my words, couldn't look at hubby and couldn't stand his touch at all and still can't. Full on internal melt down refused to let it show to anyone, still avoiding contact even eye contact with anyone. Emotional done, physically exhausted and just over these feelings.

@Lee82 , I am keeping our promise from here on in my love.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey gorgeous. I had no idea that was your plan. Am I right in saying that it is no longer your plan?
i can understand why it has been so hard to communicate after such a big moment. Are you able to talk about how you feel now that you have seen your dad?
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member i want to be here for you and you do deserve us. i know what its like to have a delayed SI plan for one reason or something that needs to be sorted first. i had one of those too.
please keep reaching out and staying safe

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thanks again @Lee82 @and @outlander, we have had visitors tonight and they have just left. (After I had a meltdown because of the noise the kids where making). I have been given extra night meds and am finally sleepy. I will answer your question tomorrow Mel. Love to you both.

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