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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-MemberI think we can talk ourselves into a lot of things, and the most important thing for now is to gently cocoon yourself through this period of meltdown and transition. I have the internal debate about whether or not I can go through with it, and what is the bigger courage and whether I can trust my own mind and decisions. If I said 'such and so' to myself for 10 years and the time comes, then what?

Guess its time to reframe inner dialogue or decisions. Perhaps having a delaying tactic, is shifting the Suicidal ideation from active to passive. A way of moving it from front and centre of attention, a way of bring other things to the fore.

When the time comes, it might be little like turning the Queen Mary, slowly re jigging our mental scaffolding. Idk. Does that make any sense?

Stay Safe.

Have a good night

@Shaz51 @NatureLover @Lee82 @outlander

and all reading this thread.

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Re: Darkness

Goodnight @Appleblossom ❤

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Re: Darkness

@Former-Member @Lee82 💛

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Love you 3000 Mel. @Lee82

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Re: Darkness

Hope you are ok my love.
love you always and forever

@Former-Member ❤️

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Anyone around atm?

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Re: Darkness

Hey babe are you still around @Lee82

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I'm here babe.

@Former-Member

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I'm sorry babe. I hate that we keep missing each other. I miss you so so so much. I know you are having a real hard time at the moment and I wish I could be by your side holding your hand through it all.
I hate feeling so alone. I hate that I have no one here with me. To hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. At the same time I don't want anyone around. I don't want to be held or told that everything will be ok. I am so damn confused. I want to live but I also don't. I feel like I am sitting on a ledge swaying from one side to the other. I am tired of being tired.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I hope you don't drop back off to sleep before I finish this. @Lee82 Hey

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