Darkness

I know... you are so right Zoe. His mental state is so much more important. I just feel like I'm drowning trying to hold my family up and make sure everyone including myself are ok. I don't have the strength anymore.

Don't be so hard on yourself Hon. This is a very difficult and unprecedented situation you are in and it is fine to feel like you are struggling with it all. Just do the best you can as the more you try to do the less you will actually achieve. No-one expects you to be the 'teacher' - home learning is never meant to replace the experience or eductaion your kids get in the actual classroom - so just do what you can.

....and you are dealing with sooo much yourself and also need to look after you too. It is hard to be dealing with both having the kids at home and your own mental health. May I suggest you do something each day that both you and the kids enjoy - it can be as simple as watching a movie, making popcorn, a combined painting - something simple but gives a little pleasure to you all @Lee82

I am really struggling with it all and I know that everyone is feeling the same way and I somehow feel guilty for feeling this way and letting it affect me so much.
I find it very difficult to find anything these days that bring me joy. I try so much to enjoy a lot of things especially when I am with my kids but I can't seem to feel it. I feel like I am dead inside. Even at the moment when my 13 year old hugs me I want to push him away from me. It makes me very uncomfortable and the worst thing is I'm not sure why...it just feels wrong and unnatural. This is the first time I have ever admitted this to anyone because it sounds so very bad. Just writing about it now has made me cry. How horrible is that to feel about your own son.
@Zoe7 😢

just wanted to tag you in this post too @Former-Member

It is not a good place to be sitting @Lee82 I also had a time that I pushed Toby away and I knew I was in a very deep hole when I did that. I think it is our way of trying to make reasons for not wanting/needing to be here. It is both confusing and hurts a lot at the same time. You are not at all a bad mother Hon - you are just in a bad place and shutting off our emotions are a way to get through.

I don't know what to do anymore. He is noticing and keeps asking me whats wrong. What type of mum pushes her son away when all he wants is a hug.
@Zoe7

Hi @Lee82 ,

I am very sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment. Please remember it is okay to not feel okay, to not enjoy things and to have some 'off' days.

Sitting with you and listening

That is so very hard Hon I honestly do not have any answers for you @Lee82 Kids are pretty perceptive though so maybe telling him the truth might help him to understand a bit better - especially letting him know it is not him but you are not feeling well.

Hi @Appleblossom ,

Thank you for sharing that with us The community is here for you Appleblossom. Besides the forums, if you ever want to talk to someone about these feelings, I'd also recommend the SANE Help Centre (10am to 10pm Monday to Friday). You can get in touch with them via phone 1800 18 7263, Web-chat or you can “Book a Call” with them here.

Take Care

Thank you so much for your support and kind words @Former-Member

Thinking of you my beautiful friend. Hoping you are ok

@Former-Member ❤️😘