Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Something’s not right

Darkness

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2020, 7:03 pm AEST

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

2,691 - 2,700 of 6,906

1...269 270 271...691

In response to: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor27 July 2020, 4:50 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

It makes me wonder if he ever loved me. It makes me question a lot of different senarios. Did it happen more times than I know. I feel like I can't even trust my own memories at the moment. I keep having this one nightmare of a different night where something similar happened and it is making me question if that happened as well. It is the same dream every time. I am so scared to close my eyes at the moment. I don't want to see anymore

@Former-Member

In response to: Darkness

Shaz51Senior Contributor27 July 2020, 4:54 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

hello and hugs my wonderful friends @Lee82 , @Former-Member , @Bunniekins , @outlander , :@naturelover

In response to: Re: Darkness

Unknown userMember27 July 2020, 5:06 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

He probably loved you in his own F'ed up way but it sounds like he didn't love you the way you deserved to be loved. Nat once told me that my subconscious mind was looking for evidence to prove something similar wasn't my fault, and I found it, now I don't know weather what it found is actually true or not but it proved to me that he was just that horrible. I am not saying what you are dreaming is not an actual event but it is possible you are searching for you own evidence to prove it wasn't your fault, it's not your fault at all anyway so weather it happened more than once or not it's NOT YOUR FAULT @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Unknown userMember27 July 2020, 5:09 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

Ohhhh how I would love to be sitting on that back deck looking at that view right now with you @Shaz51 , @Lee82 , @Bunniekins , @outlander , @Eve7 , @Zoe7 , @Sans911 , @Snowie, @@Naturelover and Sherry. Thank you my wonderful friend

In response to: Re: Darkness

Shaz51Senior Contributor27 July 2020, 5:24 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

it would be totally wonderful @Former-Member and sitting together

In response to: Re: Darkness

outlanderSenior Contributor27 July 2020, 5:36 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

@Shaz51 @Lee82 @Former-Member 🧡💛💚

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor27 July 2020, 5:44 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

I just feel dirty and disgusting. My mind is just very confused at the moment. It doesn't even feel like it's my own. I feel like I am floating and looking down on myself. I feel numb and weird. I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok even if it isn't. I just want to pretend for a while that things are ok. I want to forget about all the abuse, all the neglect, all the hurt and pain, all the terrible things that have happened. I want to be free. @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

NatureLoverSenior Contributor27 July 2020, 6:01 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

So very sorry about all your pain @Lee82 😥

In response to: Re: Darkness

Unknown userMember27 July 2020, 6:11 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

I get it it Mel, I really do and no amount of showering is going to help those feelings. When you talk about not being connected to your body it sound like maybe you are disassociating a little. Please meantion this next time you talk to you MH team. Do you have a teddy? If not go buy yourself one, a decent size one that you can hug easily. When you hug that teddy think of me, I will be hugging you holding you tight. I will be telling you that you are worthy, you are special and that I love you more then you could possibly know. You are going to be ok my love. @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor27 July 2020, 6:25 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

I have felt disassociation before but I am not too sure what it all means. Why does my mind do that?

next time I am at the shops I will buy myself a teddy and it will be my Izzy/Nikki teddy. 😘

I will send you a pic.
I'm so sorry hun I have been pretty selfish tonight. How have you been doing?
@Former-Member

2,691 - 2,700 of 6,906

1...269 270 271...691

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.