Darkness

I'm so sorry I didn't see your message hun. My notifications aren't working very well. I have managed about 4 hrs sleep which is not too bad.
I am so sorry to hear about what happened when you were three. That is really messed up. You have every right to feel anger towards your mum. I'm happy to hear that you no longer have to go look after her now babe and that your sister is a little more understanding of your situation.
I can understand you feeling apprehensive about seeing your dad after 15+ years. That is a normal reaction babe. The unknown is always scary but the fact that you are willing to make the trip to see him and your step mum just shows me how strong you are. I guess if you just have no expectations about the meeting you will not be disappointed or let down. Just keep in mind that 15 years a long time and your dad is 75 now and will look very different to what you remember. I really do hope that this meeting goes so well for you hun.
I really do wish SH and SI would leave you alone my beautiful friend. It breaks my heart to know that it is apart of your everyday life. 😔😔

love you unconditionally my BFF.
@Former-Member

Hey @Zoe7 my 9 year old is already really behind. He struggles with his work on a daily bases. I am actually in the process of getting him tested for everything to see if perhaps he has a learning disability. It's been a very stressful process so far and if I drop the ball with remote learning he will just fall further and further behind and I can't afford for him to do that. It's just so much pressure on my shoulders right now. I am lost and lonely and don't know which way to turn anymore. I feel like the whole world is against me. I feel like all my faults are being picked out by the people around me. I feel like a have failed my children and that I am actually the cause of everything that has happened in my life. My phone appointment with my psychologist today didn't go so well. I kind of felt like I was being told that I am the reason I am going through this depression that i chose to be this way. I am just confused and pretty much beating myself up about it at the moment. I just want the throw in the towel.

Hi @Lee82 ,

I can see from your post it has been a real topsy-turvey day for you over a real topsy-turvey time. I am feeling concerned after reading your post just now and I am going to send you an email to check in.

Sending you all the very best energy, care and feelings of being held and supported now and on-going,

Otter

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@Otter wrote:

Sending you all the very best energy, care and feelings of being held and supported now and on-going,

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Oh gosh, how beautiful for Lee82, @Otter

@Lee82 am concerned after your post, please take care. I need to go now but am sending you a warm hug ❤

I don't care anymore. I'm done with all this Mental health bullshit. I'm safe I'm just over it

Hi @Lee82 ,

I can see it is a really frustrating, complex and exhausting time for you. I can see you have replied to our email, we will continue to chat through there, but I just want to say to yourself and our community too that we are always open to working with members to help them use the forums in a way that benefits themselves and the rest of our community. You can email us any time at team@saneforums.org to chat with us directly in regards to this as we are now through our seperate email thread.

Wishing you the best Lee82 and still here with you now and always,

Otter

Hey @Lee82 It really does seem like you have hit that point where everything is overwhelming and even the simple things seem insummountable. I know that place so well and it not only becomes all consuming but very dark. From a teacher point of view it is not about your son falling further behind, it is about getting him the longer term help for him to be able to produce, learn and achieve what he is capable of and that will take time. Do not pressure yourself or him in having to get everything done 'right now'. If he does indeed have a learning disability then getting him the right help and producing a learning pathway forward for him is more essential than the here and now. Our kids have enough pressure on them with home learning and so do parents. Your stress will also affect them and place unrealistic expectations of you both ...that is not in any way a criticism but a reflection on what I have seen with my own parents/kids in the same situation. This is a very unusual and stressful time for everyone therefore there is no right or wrong way to get through it - and if that means having a day of fun with the kids and not schoolwork then that is just as important. The mental health of our kids as well as you is ultimately what matters because nobody can learn to their fullest potential when they have so many other things in their life that they are focussed on.

As for your phone appointment with your psych - I very much hear you. ...you do not choose to be this way Hon - when depression takes hold it is very hard to just 'pull yourself up'. It took me over 2 years to break out of that darkness and start to rebuild my life again and in that time I felt very much the same way as you are now - it is super hard. There are things you can do for yourself of course to help get through each day but you also need to be in the right place to do that. It is not simply a matter of 'flicking a switch' and it all being okay - it takes time and the right supports whether that be meds, psych, GP, pdoc or anyone else that can help. Without those supports, and the wonderful members/mods here, I would not have come through that darkness at all - several suicide attempts (obviously unsuccessful) and A LOT of support later and here I am ...there is hope Hon - I am proof of that. So many people here held out that hope for me, supported me through the darkest days and encouraged me all along that path - so I believe that can all happen for you too. This life we are in, this MH journey, is not an easy one but every day I see your strength, your courage and your will for things to change ...so now I also hold onto that hope for you and when the time is right I will pass that batton onto you because not only are we here with you but you matter to us

My gorgeous BFF, I hear you and it hurts. While not exactly knowing your MH journey, I know our paths are similar and the pain is real for both of us. I get told often that I get to choose weather to be this "way" or change and some days I just want to lose my sh*t at the person saying it. I am sorry I wasn't around yesterday when you where in such need of support, I know you understand but it still makes me sad I wasn't here for you. I am really hoping we can connect today. I am feeling very low again today, I didnt even go down the coast with him to see D1 and granddaughter now my despair is mixed with guilt because I didn't go. I am in my painting room all day so I will check in regularly to see if you have checked in. Love you so very much sweetness. @Lee82

Thinking of you both very much, @Former-Member and @Lee82 ...sending warm gentle hugs and wishes for strength and hope for you both.