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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey my sweet kimmy. How are you gorgeous? I have missed you too. Sending you my love and a big gentle hug. Wish I could give it to you in real life. 😔
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Nikki please let Izzy know that I am thinking of her and that I miss her so very. I hope she is ok. Let her know that I love her 3000 always.
@Former-Member

how have you been holding up? Please talk to me hun. I know you are worried about being on here but you need to know that I am always here to listen to you babe and support you no matter you have to say. My love I am so so worried about you. You are on my mind constantly. I listen to beautiful in my eyes every single day just to feel a little closer to you.

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member Hey hunny I am doing well thanks and I hope you are too beautiful. Love your friend peaxxx

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey pea. So nice to hear you are doing ok but why are you up so late?
@Bunniekins

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Lee82 Hey sweety am about to go back to bed :). You take care of yourself. Thanks for your concern really appreciate it. Love peaxxx

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I am so sorry Mel, my internet is crashing at the moment. I listen to our playlist everyday sometimes I have it on repeat for the same reason. It also makes me feel a little better when I catch my anxiety in time. Because Kimmy can't watch Disney+ because of the internet our playlist is on right now. I am just so very tried of being tried. Sh and Si are high, I am being triggered a lot everyday. Outside I look calm but am scared and screaming on the inside. Found out recently that an accident I had with my big sister when I was three was actually done by my bio mum it has messed with my head because no mother should be able to that to a toddler. Every time I speak to her I feel nothing but anger and fear. I am thankful that my sister knows where my MH is at now because she has stopped asking me to do stuff for our mother. Getting to see my dad and step mum is really stressing me out. My dad was a strong gentle giant but 15+ years have passed and he is a very sick 75 year old man I am worried about mine and Kimmy's reaction when we finally get to see him. My step mum is pretty young still at 50 so no problems there. (Beautiful in my eyes just came on).

Have you gotten any sleep tonight my love?

@Lee82

Good morning princess pea, I hope you managed to get some decent sleep. 💜Nikki

💖👸 @Bunniekins 👸💖

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member Hey Nikki am feeling well. Very tired but well. Cannot complain. Hope you are doing okayish well better than okay. Love peaxx

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hi @Lee82 , just catching up with your news this morning, I wasn't online when you tagged me I'm sorry, I go to bed early (9pm) and am trying to switch off screens an hour before that, so am logging off at 8pm. I actually hadn't realised that you're in Melbourne like me. I'm sorry that you have to go back to the home schooling for 6 weeks.


@Lee82 wrote:

I have hit the lowest point I have hit in a long time and I don't want to fight anymore. I have no strength left in me.


I'm really sorry to hear this, and that your MH team and your brother are in hotspots. Also that your sleep meds don't seem to be working. 😞

Really hoping your Covid test comes back negative and that things improve for you very soon...

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness


@Former-Member wrote:

I am so sorry Mel, my internet is crashing at the moment.

...

I am just so very tried of being tried. Sh and Si are high, I am being triggered a lot everyday.

...

Getting to see my dad and step mum is really stressing me out.

Am sorry to read, Nikki... 😞 I don't know what to say, other than I'm thinking of you every day and sending wishes for healing, strength and hope.

@Former-Member

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Lee82 I can imagine it is so difficult for you Hon. Lockdown itself would be hard but having to have the kids at home for home learning is added pressure on top of everything else. Being unwell would certainly be adding to that stress but do not put any extra pressure on yourself for the kids to learn at home. If you are unwell then you have to look after yourself first. The kids will catch up - it is an unusual situation and nobody expects everything to be done.

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