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Darkness

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2020, 7:03 pm AEST

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

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In response to: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor08 July 2020, 1:09 am AEST

Re: Darkness

Hey honey. Thank you for your words...they may be just words but they are powerful words and give me just that little push I need sometimes. They are little reminders that somewhere someone does care and does love you.
everything just seems to be so difficult at the moment. Even being a parent right now is taking its toll. I am struggling with that a lot being a single parent is f**king hard and now the kids have to go back into remote learning for 6 weeks. I don't know how I am going to be able to survive that. I don't know if the boys are allowed to stay with their dad either with the new restrictions.
I am tired of being reminded of all the things I am doing wrong with the boys. I just can't handle anything right now. I feel like I am sitting on the edge. I feel worthless, useless and like a piece of s**t that can be tossed away. I am somehow always doing something wrong. It all just way too hard.
@Former-Member

In response to: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor08 July 2020, 1:16 am AEST

Re: Darkness

Thanks for your support @Zoe7 it feels really nice to know that I have that here with you and all my other forum friends.
lockdown again is just f**king with my head at the moment. The kids have to be homeschooled again for 6 weeks. I don't know how I am going to do that again. Last time was just so difficult for me emotionally, mentally, physically. I don't know if I have enough in me it do it again.
I am feeling just so miserable with this terrible cold I have. Being a single parent is taking its toll on me and I am reminded all the time that I am not a good parent. I am so very tired of everything right now.

In response to: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor08 July 2020, 1:18 am AEST

Re: Darkness

Thank you for your support @Jynx @it's really appreciated. I feel very lucky to be apart of this family. I don't know what I would with out it.