Darkness

Thank you @Lee82 @outlander @Eve7 , it's just hard to believe the good stuff when I am told the other almost everyday by the way I am treated, the words and actions of the people who are meant to love me. Feeling really low all of the time at the moment, just going through the motions. I feel a little better in my paint room but only while I am there. I am sorry I am always a downer when I am here. 😞

Mel, we miss you so much all of the time. I just don't know how to be here half the time anymore. I am constantly on egg shells with what I say, I don't want to upset anyone or break any rules. It just my head is so messed up now. So many things constantly changing around me is t helping me to feel safe anywhere. I hope you are ok. Love you more then you know, probably more then is really healthy for either of us. 💜Nikki

Worried about you, @Former-Member ...sending hugs ❤️

Thanks little one, I am surrounded by people all day everyday and yet I am feeling as lonely and lost as if there was no one else in this world. I am not coping with much and also not sleeping much even though we have prescribed sleepers. Through my self doubt and fear I am having trouble feeling like I can connect with our friends here. With all the appointments and treatments, medication I would have thought things would have started to turn around for us by now. Not being fixed, or 'normal' yet but at the very least the sh and si would have faded away. I feel like I am getting lost in the world of depression and gloom. This is not like us, we have bouts of it but things always use to improve at a steady rate with help. I am always so tried and when I get ask what am I prepared to do in order to get better it makes me angry because right now all I feel I a capable of doing is getting out of bed, I am back to not wanting to eat and struggle to make a cuppa for myself. I am prepared not to die, right now that is all I have. I am just so very tired @outlander

@NatureLover , as always your concern is appericated, thank you my friend

@Lee82 ,

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@Former-Member wrote:

I am always so tried and when I get ask what am I prepared to do in order to get better it makes me angry because right now all I feel I a capable of doing is getting out of bed, I am back to not wanting to eat and struggle to make a cuppa for myself. I am prepared not to die, right now that is all I have. I am just so very tired @outlander

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That all sounds so very hard, Nikki 😞

And I think that it is enough to just survive when things are that bad.

Sending you gentle hugs...

@Former-Member

Sure is @NatureLover Thank you and thanks @outlander for your support this afternoon it's really appreciated. I am going to call it a night, I have had enough for today, hopefully tomorrow will be easier. I hope you both are having a decent night and when you get to bed I hope you sleep soundly.

Mel, I really hope that you are ok gorgeous. I am sorry I haven't seen you today. Sending you lots of love and squishy hugs. Remember you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are a great mum, a gorgeous friend. Keeping you close to my heart tonight and always. I love you 3000 @Lee82

@Fluttershy1 , I am sorry I fell asleep when Ella replies to me this morning. Hoping you are have an ok night sweetie. Love you

Good night friends @Zoe7 @Sans911 @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Eve7 @Snowie @Maggie

@SpiderLady @mudsum @Purplerain

Goodnight @Former-Member ..... 💕💤

You will hopefully be sound asleep now @Former-Member So leaving some love and hugs for the morning