Darkness

Hi @NatureLover and @outlander I didn't get much sleep last night. Feeling exhausted today and anxious again. Just a vicious cycle. I am just so over it.

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@Lee82 wrote:

Hi @NatureLover and @outlander I didn't get much sleep last night. Feeling exhausted today and anxious again. Just a vicious cycle. I am just so over it.

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Am sorry but not surprised about your lack of sleep, considering how wound up you were last night. That's not good you still feel the same today @Lee82 😞

I am not tagging anyone because I don't want any of you to feel like you have to respond.

We do a lot of different kinds of therapy to try an help us heal. We believe strongly in holistic health and do energy healings and wear crystals ect. Today's appointment was a frequency voice test to find out what frequencies we are defficient in. 3 questions, easy right. NOPE!!!!! The second and third question I struggled with. Question 2. What is causing you distress right now and 3. Describe your future. While not going in to detail about the assault in December I still struggled big time because it brought it all back and seeing in my mind in a strangers house with now where to feel safe was almost more then I could take. But I broke when she asked me to describe my future I couldn't look at Sean as I told her I don't see any future for me. So we changed it to what we wanted to do this weekend just to finish the test. Now I am a mess, I can't stop seeing the deaths of people I care about, I can't stop being negative about myself. I know I am not describing this correctly and it may seem like I am just winging AGAIN and I am sorry for that and for burdening you guys with my sh*t. But I know there is not judgment here and that makes me feel safe to share. As much as I am keeping it together on the outside I feel like I am drowning on the inside. Day is going to be harder then normal with the constant struggle to stay present so the 16yr old doesn't take control again, she made such a mess of things for Izzy yesterday it's going to take a bit to explain and clean it up. I am going to struggle to get through this day. Yes Sean is with me and yes I am safe. 💜Nikki

Thank you for telling us where you're at, Nikki. Yes, we met Kim the unconnected 16 year old yesterday on here. I'm sorry that she caused some trouble for you, and that you're struggling today...we are here for you ❤ @Former-Member

I'm glad Sean is there and you're safe. Sorry to hear the trauma that the voice frequency therapy brought up yesterday. I really wish healing for you, so much...

And by the way, I have never once thought you were whingeing. No-one should have to go through what you've gone through in your life - and I'm sure that I only know a fraction of it 😥

Babe My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry things are just so tough for you right now. I can't bear to hear that you don't see a future for yourself. I really hope that something will help you feel better honey soon. You deserve some peace and happiness. I met Kim the 16yr old last night. I'm so sorry she has created such a mess for you guys.
Sending you a gentle hug my beautiful BFF.
love you unconditionally always and forever. ❤️
@Former-Member

sending you tender hugs @Former-Member ❤❤🧡🧡💛💛💚💚💙💙💜💜

Hello @Lee82 , @NatureLover , @outlander

Thank you for your support and kinds words and hugs @Shaz51 @Lee82 @NatureLover , it is all greatly appreciated.

I have been awake for 15 hours now and my brain won't stop! Questioning so much, seeing so much, sitting here with noise canceling headphones on because I am also hearing so much. I don't want to offend anyone with what I am about to say so if you are a firm believer in God you may want to stop reading now.

Growing up I was raised to believe in god but by the age of six I started to question his existence. Often thinking if he really loves me why doesn't he stop this stuff from happening? My bio mum's favourite saying was "God never gives you then you can handle" what child can handle that. When we where teenagers we didn't have to go to church or anything and I was relieved because I thought there couldn't be a god if I had just endured 9 yrs of abuse. When I left exh1 I went down the spiritual path and am still on it. But I also feel betrayed here because of the belief that your soul chooses its journey. Why would anyone's soul choose my life or my "lessons" it's beyond me. These are the ramblings of an over tired, emotionally exhausted alter. Sorry guys. 💜Nikki

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@Former-Member wrote:

My bio mum's favourite saying was "God never gives you then you can handle" what child can handle that.

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Nikki, I agree - I don't believe this is true either. It certainly wasn't true in my case.

I'm just so sorry for all those years of abuse you suffered as a child...you didn't deserve them, or the damage they've caused you.

Hoping for some rest for you very soon, Nikki @Former-Member

sending you understanding tender hugs @Former-Member

I'm just so sorry for all those years of abuse you suffered as a child...you didn't deserve them, or the damage they've caused you.-- i agree with @NatureLover

these people are at fault my friend not God xxx

I was emotional and mentally abused by my father

even though mum and I left when i was 12 , the rejecction and the abuse kept on going until i was 43 as we still lived in the same town