Darkness

That sounds really nice hun. I hope it was therapeutic for you. Anything you can share here for me to see?
I am ok. Just trying to get through every day as best I can. Mask is back up and portraying a happy Mel but screaming and fighting inside me. It's a struggle, it's tiring and it's rough.

@Former-Member

Nothing finished to show right now Mel, but when I have something I will show you. Yep running around with the same mask. On here is the only place I share what is really happening for me. So many things changing here though, I am feeling a little disconnected. @Lee82

What do you mean when you say your feeling a little disconnected Nikki?
@Former-Member

I feel like I am only observing life and everyone I care about are out of reach to me, even the people I care about here. How is your night going?

@Lee82

I'm so sorry you are feeling that way babe. I feel a little like that here too. I really miss our conversations. I really miss catching up with you everyday. I am feel very alone.
My night has been pretty shit except for that fact that the boys are home. My anxiety is pretty high and I have a massive headache. Seeing Jules has made me feel very agitated and touchy

@Former-Member

I wish you didn't feel the same about being here. Our friends here really are a very good support for you. It sucks that Jules effects you like that am I am sorry I can't help you more. How are Mr12 and Mr 9 doing?

I really am missing our chats and I am sorry that I am not here much at the moment. I miss chatting with our other friends so much as well. I am feeling pretty low right now and I don't know what to do anymore. Love you 3000 Mel

@Lee82

@Former-Member @Lee82 Just jumping in here to say a few thngs in the hope it helps you a little tonight.

You have both been here for a while now and alongside the very real and strong bond you have for each other you have also made amazing connections with others here - and I for one love that you are both here and in our lives. The forum will always go through ebs and flows, hard times and good but it is us that are here that need to hold each other up and continue to support each other when we can. Just like any community there will always be changes - people come and go, relationships are formed, we encounter loss but we also have very real friendships that we should focus on to help us get through. Those that are here for us are because they want to, because they care and because they want better days for both you and everyone. Today may not be the best of days for either of you but life still goes on around us - change is inevitble but true friendship is eternal ...no matter where we are, what we are doing or how much we are in each others' lives - hold onto that magic - because your friends certainly hold onto it for you and with you. In saying that - saddnes is also allowed, an emotional response to change or loss is allowed just as is the pleasure that we get from having such wonderful people in our lives. Sitting with you both in the disconnect and sadness as well as the joy and happiness

Everyone here has been amazing. They are a great support I just feel a little disconnected from everyone at the moment but I feel that way about people irl as well. I feel like an alien that has stumbled on earth and can not communicate with everyone here.
I wish I can do more for you my beautiful friend. I wish we both didn't feel this way and that we could give each other a hug and comforted one another right now because right now I need to be comforted. I need someone to be here for me right now. I enosis enjoys nabbsmm Care about be

@Former-Member

There is the Zoe I know and have missed so very much. Thank you for your wisdom, your support and your friend @Zoe7 You are truly a blessing

@Lee82, your message made me tear up, it's so very lonely even with him sitting beside me. I would love nothing more to be hugging you right now. 💜Nikki

Hey @Zoe7 . What you said is all very true. Thank you for being here and for being an amazing support and a great friend. It's just tough to only have these friendships through messages and no other way. It's tough to truly express and understand each other when there is no other interaction. Eg talking on the phone or face to face. I just want to be able to have a real conversation. I miss having someone around I can chat with. I have no one like that irl to support me. No one to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be ok. I am so lost. I am so lonely. I am so scared.