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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hi my Lee, i have tosay this fas berfoe Izzy comes bal. i will missed you lotss and lotss

@Lee82

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Nobody in the outside world truly understands what it's like for us. It's like I am an alien that has landed on earth amongst humans I have no connection with. Everyone here thinks they are helping but it only makes things worse. My head won't stop spinning and my mind won't stop screaming at me. I am at a loss. I have no more to give. I have no more energy. I have no answers. I have no idea what to do anymore. I don't know what will help and I don't care anymore. I just want to go.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

My beautiful kimmy. I love you so much gorgeous. I will always be here for you my sweets. Just message me and I will always answer. You and Izzy and Kimberly, and Bear all mean the world to me.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hi @Lee82

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. It sounds like things are very difficult for you right now. It's great that you have come onto the Forums for support tonight.

Just to let you know that I shall be sending you an email shortly. Please keep an eye out for it in your inbox.

Take care,

Mika

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

"Izzy's Headspace"

So you all know who I am, married mother of 4 and proud grandma to one 13 year old granddaughter, This is going to be a long post so I am sorry in advance. I currently share my mind with

Little one 3yrs old

Kimmy 5yrs old who absolulty loves @Lee82 and now @Former-Member because she was nice to her last night

Kimba 12yrs old

Bear 14yrs old

Kim 16yrs old

Nikki 43yrs old

Kimberly age unknown

Yes there is a lot of kim names, this is because that was my birth name but I changed my name a few years ago now. They are all me at different ages.

Bear, Nikki and Kimberly aren't that 'active' right now so I bearly hear them and they are rarely out in the body at the moment. Little one and Kimmy are very "active" but since I am connected to them I can hear and see what they are doing, most of the time. If they are feeling a strong emontion however they have the ability to block me out, which basicly means I have no idea of what is happening.

What's it like to have two little people in your 43 year old body, I can wake up sucking my thumb and crying for no reason (3yr) or I can be found walking around a major shopping center carrying a new baby doll that Sean just brought me (5yr) I will end up with ice cream all over my face not matter where we are if one of the young ones are out.

All I know of the other two comes from what Sean has told me. Kimba the 12yr has just tried to leave this world by taking something. While this is not my reality it is hers so when she is 'active' the body is very sleeply to the piont of passing out (which happened in the bathroom last night) This maybe resolve qiuckly or this could take months it's an unknown. When she is not sleepy, the body can be found in a corner hiding. Kim the 16yr old is absolutly disgusted with where her life is in the here and now. She does a lot of the sh and is really angry a lot. While these two alters are out I have no idea of what is being said or done and lose a lot of time.

Before the attack in December I lead a basicly stable life, had it's ups and downs like everyone else but I had learnt to function and fuction well with my DID, I never had to take a sick day for my mental health at all. The C-PTSD has unfortunitly re trigger my DID in a major way. I have never used my mental health as an excuse and I am not about to start, simply because its all me at the end of the day. I will say though that some of the posts that have gotten me in trouble where actullay posted by my alters.

Well if you got this far thank you, I have never been so open with anyone about my DID and it is kind of scary. Thank you for "listening" thank you all for your support and understanding. You are the most amazing bunch of people.

@Former-Member @Lee82 @Bunniekins @Maggie @outlander @Sans911 @Zoe7 @mudsum @Eve7 @NatureLover @Shaz51 @Snowie I had wanted to tag some of my other friends but its just not working. So if your not tagged please don't be offended.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thank you @Former-Member you are very brave

Lots of love 💙🧡💙

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

You can't go my love, I am so sorry to say this right now but what about me, what will i do with out you? Please be safe my gorgeous Mel, you know you restored my faith that a girl friend can be real and honest without being nasty and bitc*ie, you have proven to me that someone can love me with my mental health being so bad right now. You inspire me because while every thing is hard you still want to be there for your friends here. You have a beautiful soul that belongs here on earth with those who honestly love you Mel. PLEASE BE SAFE for me and for kimmy @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Babe are you safe?
I am a little scared right now.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I am safe Mel, why would you think I wasn't babe?

I love you @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I am safe babe. I promise. Just my thoughts right now. But what about your post. I kinda feel like it was sort of a final post...is that right or are you just trying to explain to your friends what's going on for you. I am freaking out a little bit trying to Stay calm.
@Former-Member

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