Bad time of year

Hi @Evilchild

I do understand what is happening to you at the moment but I am confused

Certainly you have done the right thing in reaching out - but if you were at home alone with your dogs and the police broke in through the dog door and found you and got you to hospital you must have some other contact out in the world who cares enough to check on you - so it makes me wonder a bit

So I am wondering - how is it that you are unable to talk about your son - this is the point where we get stuck - I can't stop talking about mine and he died thirty years ago - and it was a suicide in prison and that's the short story. His story is so sad I can't forget it - I have learned to live around it and know by now I will never lose the memories and the anniversaries and the dread

And so - given the chance I will talk and talk and talk - and after all that - write and write and write - and then talk more - and during the time around the anniversary talk to Life Line as much as I need to

So I have all this stuff inside crying to get out - and it's still happening around the anniversary after 30 years

If you don't talk about your son all of this is stacked up inside you and I can't imagine what that feels like

So - I know how terrible it is to have your child die and there are other people here too who have had children die - and we have to talk about it at times - I guess the story is so painful we don't want to go there - but the pain of keeping it all inside is horrific

What's the worst that can happen now?

Please let us know what happened - for your sake - to start letting it out. This is a secure site and no one will judge you - know one knows who you are

You are in so much pain and lack support - I hate to think of anyone alone with such a terrible event in their life

But someone cares or the police would not have broken in and you would not be in hospital

I never deal in platitudes - I have seen too much and been through too much

Decadian

I can relate to how you feel, as today is a bad day too. Two years ago today my wonderful husband of 53 yrs went to heaven. I can't believe it's two years as the pain and longing is as great now as the day he went. Feels like I'm going mad.

I have a beautiful daughter and a 13yr old grandson whom I live with, so I feel awful complaining. As much as I love them, I try and keep my feelings to myself as they are hurting too. Hate to cause them more pain. Feel really crazy. Thank you for replying.

Hi @Evilchild

Welcome to the website - I am sure you will find that the people here are very caring and will listen to you

Thanks for sharing a little of your story - it must be a terrible day for you

From my own experience it is better to keep the pain you are carrying away from your loveoine - though it can help to share your love and your life with your husband with them

But I have found that it is better to seek professional help and open yourself with them - and seek the relief you need by talking to people outside the story

I have been very lucky - but also very persistant - and know we have to share our stories

Please keep posting @Shorty45

Decadian

Hi @Shorty45

The message above was meant for you - I accidently put in the wrong person for your post

However - the message is really for both of you - you need to talk about all of these things with someone outside your family -

Decadian

@Evilchild

I don't know - can't possibly know - what you are feeling

I have given you the chance to open up here - and I do care - but I am at a lost to know what it is that I can possibly say to you - even if you want help

This is a safe place - but I feel helpless

I am sorry - I wish I could help

Decadian