Bad time of year

Hey, @Evilchild I know how you feel I do this too, Thank you for reaching out , Sometimes it hurts so much we get in the mindset that no one or nothing will or can help us. But please believe me that there are some really good people here and in this world that can. hang in their honey. When I can't talk about my feeling I pray to God to help me understand me. it works for me. sorry if this is not what you believe in not pushing it on you. other people find mindfulness helpful and meditation. And you will find the words. wish you peace

@Evilchild Try finding one thing you enjoy doing, I get out in the backyard hope you have one or a park look at nature I love the way they are allowed to just be especially the not so perfect ones. I am sure you can find something.

Hi @Evilchild

I did write a long post to you - but unfortunatey I lost it - I do understand how devastating it is to lose a child

I will write another post but it's time for me to get on with something else

I care

Decadian

Hi @Evilchild

I am sorry that you have to face the anniversary of a child's death too - I have no idea of why it is so brutal but it is - the worst has happened but still we confront the anniversary with a feeling of dread

There are people who can help - but the death of a child has to be experienced to really understand - and there is no way I ever want anyone else to know - but we both do

How did your son die? How long ago was it - this is a terrible thing

I went away for a few days prior to my son's anniversary - I really enjoyed myself - and even though I woke up with a feeling of total desolation on the date - I got myself together and enjoyed the day - and that was the day I flew home and saw the most beautiful sunset from the plane - something I know I would have enjoyed sharing with my son -

And the day passed - I got home for dinner - alone - and thought I had won

But no matter how far I go and how fast I run it will catch up with me - the Monday after I woke up with a humungous headache - a classic migraine - and had to go to the doctor for an injection - which he did not argue at all about giving me - and I realised that this is part of my life - and still

Going away for a few days was good - I loved the service of a world-class hotel and walking around a small city seeing more being alone and walking than any other way

But as for suggestions in surviving this - I don't have any - other that it does come to pass and is perfectly natural and no one can drive it away - and no one should be allowed to try

Our grief is our grief and we are entitled to grieve and need too

I would like to welcome to the forum -

Oh - wow - I thought I had lost this post - but it was there all the time

My kindest thoughts for you

Decadian

Hey @Evilchild Sometimes when I feel life sux and think the worst is going to happen and I need a stronger word f@#$%k I just spoil myself and take it minute by minute. You can do it!!!

Hi again @Evilchild

Many of us have had a lot of stuff happen to us and we do understand. Perhaps "too much" for one person is different from "too much" to another

I used to have hospital visits around the anniversary - not every year but yes - I had them - and for a while there I couldn't figure out why I was there because I would drive home everyday and care for my birds and go back - and also attend some classes at university

But I was a scrambled up mess at times - so I understand what you mean

Being able to talk and make changes will come in its time - no one is a lost cause - but take your time -

Still here's a thing - if you don't tell the people who can help - eg your clinical manager and our doctor - psychiatrist or psychologist - they can't help

But I know where you are coming from

Decadian

Hey @Evilchild I am glad you got all that out, sometimes it helps sometimes it does not. Just had an eight year battle with my husband having Cancer, with all the stress of that and looking after my wayward teenage son. I also was looking after my sister who was an emotional wreck from a bad marriage break up. Then my son says I want to live with my Dad. So I said yes. Only after eight years of this and more shit. I'm told that I have recurrent depression anxiety plus Psychosis. Things just pile up and you have to deal with so much at the one time it's not fair and very overwhelming I Know. All we can do is our best and get as much support as we can. You have got a lot to handle too I know just know your limits and tackle it one at a time.