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Sleeping too much
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In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Thanks @Former-Member, its ok, i do want to hear how you are, but You're on topic anyway and its helpful to hear, try figure out whats the 'norms'. You seem to understand. ounds similar,
With the cleaning, my ma EXPECTS her kidz to do it (like we owe her), but has to have a hand in the method, frr. She feels abandoned and distressed when it doesnt come, especially when not managing & visciously lashes out (driving us durther away). Ma hates to ask (we have to mind read which is tricky because she nearly always criticises after). Ma refuses to get paid help in - even now she's so sick but the DVA nurse is working on her after our talk. Actually, ma praised my efforts in the kitchen when I surfaced this morning - glad she can see what she has in the fridge. Wow, got that one right, and she hasn't even hasselled me about what's missing (expired). Have to chalk that one up lol Poor dad just observes, he's happy if ma is happy.
You understand the bro thing to Bella2, i confronted my older bro last tear, asked him to 'say sorry - just once! he disconnected with one word 'goodbye' and we haven't spoken since. Only this morning he rang, ma put him on speaker - it triggered me, especially when he said he's dropping in, don't wish to be here for that. And glad its not today. I've had palpitations since. Ma had a bad coughing fit talking to them - so i had to help her.
Mu. really is in the balance now, close to dying. This second week here she has had every member of her family call, or visit, so she has plenty of phone support at least, and she loves to talk. Think they are catching that its not a 'cry wolf' situation this time. Its the real deal. Mum herself has cried every day "I'm so sick of feeling sick" she says. There's a lot of denial there for this is the way the disease progresses, I know it, my estranged sister knows it now too (married to a doctor), and contacts everyone. I am here, more practical help is needed now. Maybe when I go they'll start doing the same.
Are you OK Bella3? What thread can I go to to pick up where your at? Its overwhelming for me to try cover all the threads and join the dots what each is up to. I can't. Decided those here who do must have adhd or some overactive mind OE something lol I jus 'sleep too much' lol
With the cleaning, my ma EXPECTS her kidz to do it (like we owe her), but has to have a hand in the method, frr. She feels abandoned and distressed when it doesnt come, especially when not managing & visciously lashes out (driving us durther away). Ma hates to ask (we have to mind read which is tricky because she nearly always criticises after). Ma refuses to get paid help in - even now she's so sick but the DVA nurse is working on her after our talk. Actually, ma praised my efforts in the kitchen when I surfaced this morning - glad she can see what she has in the fridge. Wow, got that one right, and she hasn't even hasselled me about what's missing (expired). Have to chalk that one up lol Poor dad just observes, he's happy if ma is happy.
You understand the bro thing to Bella2, i confronted my older bro last tear, asked him to 'say sorry - just once! he disconnected with one word 'goodbye' and we haven't spoken since. Only this morning he rang, ma put him on speaker - it triggered me, especially when he said he's dropping in, don't wish to be here for that. And glad its not today. I've had palpitations since. Ma had a bad coughing fit talking to them - so i had to help her.
Mu. really is in the balance now, close to dying. This second week here she has had every member of her family call, or visit, so she has plenty of phone support at least, and she loves to talk. Think they are catching that its not a 'cry wolf' situation this time. Its the real deal. Mum herself has cried every day "I'm so sick of feeling sick" she says. There's a lot of denial there for this is the way the disease progresses, I know it, my estranged sister knows it now too (married to a doctor), and contacts everyone. I am here, more practical help is needed now. Maybe when I go they'll start doing the same.
Are you OK Bella3? What thread can I go to to pick up where your at? Its overwhelming for me to try cover all the threads and join the dots what each is up to. I can't. Decided those here who do must have adhd or some overactive mind OE something lol I jus 'sleep too much' lol
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
DecadianSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Sorry @Former-Member
It sounds as if the candle is flickering - my heart is really heavy for you
Yes - your parents will need that help when you go - but this is hard for you - I know - and it's a heart-breaking situation - aw - it hurts
And the birds are gathering - like everyone phoning or visiting
I don't know what to say - you are such a sweet person, so forgiving - and this is such a hard time
But I am thinking of you
Dec
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Thanks @Decadian, you seem to get it now, thank you, and thanks for praying. I too am asking God what I need to get done before I leave (risking mums backlash) but did OK with the fridge, dads room & bathroom. Daily dishes & cooking helps too while she's sick, but i'm careful to give ma space - she needs to feel needed. If I don't act quick enough in the mornings she grabs dad a tin of backed beans & toast. This morning she did poached eggs for him. She has her usual Cornflakes & fruit. Funny how age has a go at me for making her do breakfast but I quietly chuckle knowing it makes her feel good to still be 'needed' and helpful for dad. I was making up dads yummy fav vegie cheese omelet (and mums plain separately) but she started saying things like "I'm so useless" "take your father home with you" ... ... So, sleeping in (staying in my room 'till 9am) works best, even though they joke about being lazy when I come out. Kinda cracks me up this visit (instead of upsetting me). I sometimes deliberately leave light things undone for ma to come correct, feel useful - getting the hang of more. Helpful games.
Getting in lots of laydowns (rests when I can as @Former-Member reminds me), it helps, all afternoon with a migraine yesterday actually (after that good cry). Got the palpitations today so must take it easy. Taking that bin down is a worry, hope I can solicit someone stronger for that, but haven't been able to the last 2bin nights. I ask the bros and they say yes but 'forget' when they leace. Last week bro3 hit mum for petrol money claiming he's running low because he made two trips that day - "came all the way back (5km) to do the bin but it was already taken down" when he got here. GRR! (P's me off because I've been driving mum everywhere, haven't had to put any fuel in my car since arriving and not hit them up for petrol money once. Bro4 says its because I have a 4cylinder (what a xrock!) I really have to stop trying to change my bros & sis, let it go, its stressing me. Its the steep driveway here that makes it hard to get that bin down, and its real heavy with grass clippings and all the cleanups I've been doing. Last nights fridge jars weighed a ton. Convinced God himseself is giving me strength to do these jobs, because I usually struggle doing at home for myself. So glad to see the Lawnmowerman here today, and he only charges ¥20, Don't think i could manage the grass sloap out front, phew!
My task today is the pantry & mop/scrub that floor, something's died out there and I'm determined to find it.
Mums temp is down to 37.5 now. Nearly time to leave. Have to let go, let the domino fall where they mat - I can't 'save' my family.
Thanks for listening & posting @Decadian. You sound OK, yes? ? .
xox
Getting in lots of laydowns (rests when I can as @Former-Member reminds me), it helps, all afternoon with a migraine yesterday actually (after that good cry). Got the palpitations today so must take it easy. Taking that bin down is a worry, hope I can solicit someone stronger for that, but haven't been able to the last 2bin nights. I ask the bros and they say yes but 'forget' when they leace. Last week bro3 hit mum for petrol money claiming he's running low because he made two trips that day - "came all the way back (5km) to do the bin but it was already taken down" when he got here. GRR! (P's me off because I've been driving mum everywhere, haven't had to put any fuel in my car since arriving and not hit them up for petrol money once. Bro4 says its because I have a 4cylinder (what a xrock!) I really have to stop trying to change my bros & sis, let it go, its stressing me. Its the steep driveway here that makes it hard to get that bin down, and its real heavy with grass clippings and all the cleanups I've been doing. Last nights fridge jars weighed a ton. Convinced God himseself is giving me strength to do these jobs, because I usually struggle doing at home for myself. So glad to see the Lawnmowerman here today, and he only charges ¥20, Don't think i could manage the grass sloap out front, phew!
My task today is the pantry & mop/scrub that floor, something's died out there and I'm determined to find it.
Mums temp is down to 37.5 now. Nearly time to leave. Have to let go, let the domino fall where they mat - I can't 'save' my family.
Thanks for listening & posting @Decadian. You sound OK, yes? ? .
xox
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Distractions help. Don't think anyone remembers but me that the 3rd, tomorrow, was is my girls funeral day, now 6yrs on. Still haunts me.
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hi @Former-Member.... 😊💕
Can you ask the Lawnmowerman to help you with the bin ? If you tell him you've got a bad back, most people are obliging with things like that.
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Zoe7Senior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
@Former-Member 
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
❤️💕 @Former-Member ....
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Thought of that @Faith-and-Hope, but hes already gone, drat! xox
God be with you too @Bridgetjones, must get to know u more, do u post updates on a specific thread? xox
Hiya @Zoe7 xox
God be with you too @Bridgetjones, must get to know u more, do u post updates on a specific thread? xox
Hiya @Zoe7 xox
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
DecadianSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hi @Former-Member
Yes - I have been reading and praying and I understand your situation more now but it still cuts me to the quick to hear your mother call youu "useless" when you are doing so much and how hard it is to please her.
And the 3rd in the 6th anniversary of your girl's funeral - these dates always hurt and you have had one day after another with all sorts of confusion and "sleeping in" and "laying down" - very good btw - between spells of really hard work - and your brothers - ouch - those guys make life worse down there
I hope your dad gives you some petrol money to drive home but I totally understand if you won't ask for it - I wouldn't either -
How I wish I could send you the money - and get the help your parents need but your mother won't have - maybe she will when you leave - I pray so
And yes - I am okay now - last week I guess I got triggered - I had other stuff happening and had heat stress twice - not good
And the nightmare I had this morning - worth mentioning - I don't understand that one at all
But I am thinking of you all the time - and thinking of your anniversary tomorrow also
Dec
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Same here @Former-Member
I get palpatations, anxiety, anger etc...., when my brother is mentioned. I guess it's a panic attack, sometimes severe, sometimes not so bad. If I see him, I have a full on panic attack. Thankfully I haven't seen him since Mother's Day last year. He turned up where I was visiting my mother. I picked up my bag and left. I used to be so nice and polite to him, but I won't pretend anymore. The whole family has swept some awful, hurtful things under the carpet and it's too painful for me to deal with, so I avoid them.
Years ago I used to try and rescue my brother, even after all the extremely hurtful things he had done, I still thought it was my job to help him. I used to clean his house, look after his children, all the time. I honestly can't believe that I was that person, such a "victim". I thought it was my job to try and rescue everyone. Wow! No, it's not my job. I thought it was my job to try and make them happy and no matter what I did, it didn't and more was exptected. Glad I woke up (in my late 30's, but better late than never).. Like I mentioned, I was totally broken, didn't know who I was or what makes me happy, still trying to figure it out, lol. Wow! When I look back (not something I like to do), I am so amazed at how far I have actually come. It often seems so slow, but, oh my gosh! How did I ever survive, so glad I got out of the "trap".
Funny thing is, I've been feeling so incredibly angry inside of me this morning, furious for no apparent reason. I wish I knew how to get rid of this inner anger. The past is the past, I want to move on. Sorry, I'm making this all about me. You asked how I was, lol. Now I'm letting it all out, how embarrassing, I will send this message anyway, I know you will understand and you sound like you really want to know how I've been. Hehe!
I'm ok now, compared to what you are going through Tawney. It must be so hard for you seeing your mum and dad like that and having to hear and see your brothers, now that would be extremely hard for you. I do know what that is like. I wish you didn't have to have to see or hear from them. MI or not, you don't need to have abuse etc in your life. I have totally let my brother go. I don't even consider him my brother anymore, to me he doesn't deserve to be called, brother.
Daily I feel guilty about not being there more for my mother. I only visit her very occassionally, when I feel a little bit strong and only with hubby or daughter. She's a very kind, caring person, but she talks about my brother, his family and my sister and her family and they ALL trigger me, to the point of fear and panic attacks.
That is why I had to stop cleaning her house, caring for my disabled sister etc. Because I can't cope with seeing or hearing about my other siblings. Might sound silly to others, but panic attacks don't always make sense, sometimes PTSD symptoms don't make sense. They just happen.
I actually felt like I could visit my mother recently. It was sad to see her so unwell, it does break my heart. But if I get involved too much, it breaks me and then I am useless to my daughter and hubby. I asked her if there was anything I could do for her, but she said, no. I help her with paperwork and help make sure that her bills get paid.
Anyway, I tend to rave on a bit sometimes. You mentioned that you like to hear how I'm going, lol.
I usually mostly message on the Coffee/Chat thread, sometimes on the Far and Away thread (I love to read stories about other countries) and sometimes I message on here, but that's about all I can cope with lately. I find it too stressful typing on too many threads. I like to keep in touch with you, because you were one of the first people I started messaging when I first joined on here. I feel like I have gotten to know you quite well now.
You asked how I am going lately. Much the same. The trip we made to Sydney really knocked me about. It has taken me a while to slowly get a bit back on top again. Trouble is, when I feel a bit better and go out, I stay out too long and do too much, then it knocks me about and takes me a while to get back up again.
Love to you Tawney. We will all be here for you when you do decide to go home again. Good to hear that you do lie down and rest when you need to. xoxo
