Sleeping too much

I know guys, working on it. Glutten for punishment. Had 3days off, well, lost em - its a blurr, but feel a bit better & palpitations stopped, so when mum yelled at dad this morning to "do his bl##dy washing!" & dad said "f#ckn too bl##dy painful!" I took this on as my mission today, to help dad sort out his clothes.

I remembered dads shower nurse Feiday asked mum to help dad find clean shorts but mum fobbed her off & dads not coping but protects mum & dignity. Dad has a ton of clothes in his room most of which he says don't fit him anymore, so after I put a load of washing on I spent hours in dads room today, with him, sorting the problem.
- The wardrobe door was off the hinges and he couldnt get into it, so he's been living out of washing baskets hmm.
- hes lost 20kg & forgets what fits ans what doesnt.

Couldn't fix the door but went through his clothes one at a time, transferred things to his access able chest of draws and had a 4 garbage bag cull - getting his approval for each item (so slow). He even chucked 1/3 his shoes, cleaned the rest - vac off all the cobwebbs (set off my asthma a bit). He tossed x4 garbage bags, wow! (good practise for my stuff at home). Dad can now get to / find his clothes & OMG, you can move in his room. I vacuumed but it needs a serious mop.

Tried to help mum at least to do her washing with dads load, but she fobbs me off "I'll do it". " not now!* Trouble is, she changes clothes 6+ times a day & forgets what's what and doesn't even have a dirty clothes basket. And she doesn't know what she wants.



How can I do all that and not pack my own stuff, weird! Giver!

Oh no, ma is feeding the birds under the clothesline, they'll poop on all the washing I've done, grr. Sheesh, just too tired, honestly.

Bro2 visited with lunch today, brang wife & gorgeous 3yo daughter which was lovely. I played piano for her (she sang etc), it was a 'normal' family moment. Even mum smiled & got a hug. Little neise is so smart - I've never seen a 3yo flick through her mums phone playing video clips like she did, wow. I'm still struggle with technology lol. She can count to 20 - is that normal? Don't think my kids could do that at 3yrs 1month. Anyway. Bro2 took the first big bag of dads clothing cull away for me. I was so glad he popped by & we could slip that bag out the door before ma spotted it. She hates throwing g things away.

I'm having a rest now, just remembered to take this mornings pills, oops, and seems I didn't take yesterdays either (double oops!), need to work on purti g myself first re these basics hmm

After I bring the washing in I'll take a shower. Mar did the dishes today & made lunch, so its good to see she's getting back to normal, and she's less teary. Pretty good really for 82.

Not sure why I'm still here, maybe because
- I'm conditioned for abuse
- the need is so great,
- nobody helps much, can't (won't).
- And maybe too, the hardest to admit - I don't wanna go home to an empty house alone. So lonely at home it hurts.

A dammed if you do dammed if ya don't situation. Does anyone understand this?

I Can't help but see 'giving' as the better path. Maybe I'm wrong. Hard to know how much is too much of myself to give away. I so love helping people. Dad is much easier going than mar to help - he's a placid dementia. Mar is angry.

Thanks for your encouragement here, and giving me a place to be heard, so appreciate you all.

I'd love to attack the bathroom before i leave (hate doing bathrooms, yuk, and its pretty bad), but maybe I've done enough for today & have a fair bit of pain. Recharging some energy for a shower.

Glad I got some energy back to get something done today, horrible 3days just gone, can't remember them much. Just kept going to sleep.

I do know I gotta get going. Its two weeks tomorrow & mar is better. I'll let ya know, love you to tracel with ne. Gonba take it slow (over two days) going back, see a few sights, for me 🙂 Thanks guys xox