Sleeping too much

Hi @Former-Member

I am back home, if you are still awake .......

I don't know how old your son is, but research in recent years has revealed that the brain goes through its largest adult growth spurt in the early to mid 20s ...... that means they are very hormonal at that age, as they were as teenagers, but this time it is all the brain development hormones rather than the growth spurt and gender-specific hormones .......

When there are other things involved, like the personal history of loss, grief, dump amazed relationships, etc, it must feel like bumper-cars when these things collide with each other ......

As far as I understand, the more variables you are working with, the more patience is required to sort through them, and there is the waiting for the teen-and-20-something-baby-dragons to mature and hold their fire ........ I am assuming you've still got a baby dragon there ❣ If they they get a bit stuck in their emotional maturity development (like the 80 year old @Appleblossom mentioned) it may take a but longer still for them to settle down.

It sounds like you have done an amazing job holding it all together @Former-Member. You have risen above, again and again, and I can only encourage you to keep going.

I was raised with a saying -

"Out of terrible adversity rise incredible blessings". Wait for the blessings ....... and it may be that you become the blessing, as you heal, showering love on all those around you, perhaps not even realising for yourself that that is what is happening.

I, for one, am loving your sense of humour when you are in a bright and sparkly mood. Sending warm wishes that the next one of those is not too far away. Keep your chin up. We are here for you.

❤️

Hi @Appleblossom

Some church people - grr - they make me wanna seethe - I know that Christ came to save sinners and befriended the tax collectors and prostitutes which gave him a bad name - but then

He came for us all - and those self-righteous people are not aware of how wrong they are - sure - Christ came for the self-righteous sinners as well - but I am sure many of them are not sure why

But I am so glad you wrote that - I have moved on from a church because I was having so much trouble with my son - EVERYONE had something to say - even the minister - and now with some many years behind me I know they were helpless and maybe wanted to do their best

But still - this does not help us when we are battling with our backs to the wall and no where else to go and we are the people with "problems"

Problems - what does it mean to be a person with "problems". Everyone has problems - maybe just paying the mortgage or the rent or having a child with temper tantrums in public a bit to often are ordinary problems

But from what I am reading here - everyone has ordinary problems - we are just a bit above the rest when it becomes a little obvious -

I am glad you have included this @Appleblossom - I am sure there are many people with problems who are labelled and treated as "less that" - and this is not good at all.

I certainly don't want you to leave - I am sure I have a better quality of life because I am not the only person who is overwhelmed from time to time

Lots of virtual hugs

Decadian

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last night @Former-MemberI read your post and started a response but I wasn't in the right frame of mind and was scared I'd make things worse for you. I'm really, really glad that there were others that offered the comfort and hope that you needed. Sending you a big hug for strength to keep plodding through. You are doing well😊💜

I think it is exactly that @Former-Member "pushing away because they are not yet ready to deal with" the huge baggage that is also a little bit of theirs, not just us as parents.

Decadian @Decadian I meant it as a compliment to this forum that I got my second genuine compliment .. not going anywhere.

Yes, you have dealt with the church issue as well. I have tried not to throw the baby out with the bathwater and keep my foot in at church .. but no BS miracles ... hope is hope .. holy spirit works through people and surprises can happen .. but we are all a work in progress til the very end. Short Gospel according to me.

@Former-Member My conductor at church .. used to say I was the bunny caught in the headlights .. so yes I froze for most of my life when floored by some bigoted direct or indirect insult.

But the burden of 3 suicides in my generation is too much for my biological children to carry. So I made pact with self not to go early. I keep on keeping on. Only stand tall for short periods ... then have to have a lie down.

I went out today and did some weeding and pulled me blooming neck .. both my biological children also tried to reach me in their way through humour. When my daughter tried to do it .. I was not able to laugh gently with her as a mum might I was just too laden with pain. But I love her for trying when she was in grade 2 etc. I was more able to laugh when my son reached out with humour. Its a timing thing.

My son's first school principal said "I had been crucified". I didnt even realise the half of it. But I do try and laugh and find beauty and humour in life. My biological daughter has been used as a vehicle for most of the punishment. So I am finally learning to protect myself from it and feel for her ignorance and lack of awareness... inspite of her Phd and important job in fancy uni. It will be horrible for her if she realises it as she is so sure of herself .. but i do love her and I am not that much of a dead beat .. so I now see it as part of her defences and illusions and try and get on with my life ... her rejections caused CAT team call outs for years running every birthday ...

I just like this forum because people are more real. Hope you are doing ok.

Apple

Love this @Appleblossom :

"Only stand tall for short periods ... then have to have a lie down."

❤️

HI @Appleblossom

It is great to get compliments - that is good feedback - then we know how close we are to the mark when we make various comments - sometimes making those comments is scary

Yes - I know the church thing - the church I left over 30 years ago because of all the misunderstandings in my life - my son most of all - people do not understand how hard it is to have problems with our children that are so hard that Dr Phil could answer those questions

btw - I would love to talk to Dr Phil about my son - but I am also sure that this would be past him - they say it takes a village to raise a child and in my case it was pretty well just me,

And my family has had two suicides too - one in my generation - a cousin - and one in the next - my son - I don't have suicide ideation - though I know what it is like in that dark place - I did spend some time back in the past when I was so alone - not good

And for the same reason you have said - there have been enough suicides - even one is too many

And I know I have learned so much in the time since then that I made the right choice when I took myself into a public psyche wing where there was not therapy - just as my son didn't die in vain - I have not lived in vain either. My psychologist told me yesterday that we can never tell how many lives we touch - and for the good - just by making a decision to live

You are doing that too - in fact - although I don't have time to read everything here - I do read enough to know that even in their darkest hour people are touching other people - and this is a good thing - even if we can't see it at the time

WTG @Appleblossom

Life aint easy but it's all we have right now

Decadian

Wow @Former-Member

You have so much going on there - no wonder you blew a fuse - I sure get that feeling

I can hardly tolerate quick fix quotes and "have a good day" and platitudes it makes me say unkind things at times eg

"have a good day" - "Sorry - I have other plans"

I was told that it's nice to say "Have a good day" - but really - does that mean anything -

So I have made it my life's project in the few years I have left to write something about all this and have it published - it is such a put-down to tell us to get our act together or something similar when we are dragging ourselves along grabbing the legs of the furniture and getting carpet burns on our knees

Ah - I have to look - there were three things I wanted to comment on

I am sorry about the 3 week old baby dying - a life taken too soon - I am sure God knows what he is doing but I wonder about it - the death of a child of any age is a burden - it really hurts - and whatever you can do - I will have you in my thoughts

And your son with the burden of MI in his genes - I am not at all sure if I understand MI - I know there are posts in other forums where I have read but haven't responded because I don't know how

But with your son - I know only too well the ambivalent feelings we have as mothers - I ask myself if my son had MI too - I will never know - but living from day to day wondering about the outcome - I don't like labels either - but I guess we need some kind of explanation. Still - what would be good? - a label or no label, medication or not? and what kind? do you intervene or keep hands off?

All I know is that I am not absolutely sure of anything - the future will get here in it's own time - and living with the tension can be hell

And the other thing - I could not find that - it's not hiding - where can we find you if you are hiding? -

I am glad you wrote a very open and honest post - even though I am not sure of what I post

Decadian