Sleeping too much

Hhi @Former-Member

It sounds as if everything is jumping up and down and smacking you in the eye - I get it

I could be wrong - but you feel as if everyone is angry with you and something terrible is going to happen

That is a rotten feeling - my parents died 4 years apart and their anniversaries are days apart but everyone was bl**dy angry with me - as if it was me who caused all the family chaos when really - had people been a big nicer and helpful and less "upset" during the bad parts of life things could have been nicer when the oldies took off to what was a better place for one and a scary place for the other and none of that was my fault

Anyway - I get the feeling - not that I have it now - the chief nasty-maker is TS and NOTHING suits her unless she plans it all herself

I read most of your posts and I think you grief for you girl is still so fresh and so painful that there is a huge, massive herd of elephants in the room all through Christmas - you dare not mention her because you feel or they feel you will spoil things for other people - I know that one

But you son - I get my dds resentments - I hope they are in the past by now as she matures - but I get it that there is a DVD playing - in their heads and it goes

Hey - I am still here and the other one has gone - I want the attention due - and I am the one whose still here

At least that's what all my thinking boiled down to - and one Christmas I was told - "We have more interesting things to talk about" so that was practically my last word on the subject.

It probably doesn't help - maybe I am just filling up the silence - but somewhere there is always a silence that needs to be filled up - along with the silences that are never filled up and never will be

Lotsa hugs Tawney - I know there is a voice unheard in all the scrapping around of parcel paper

Keep the goodies in your heart - they are real and they are yours

Dec

That is right @Former-Memberxx

"Just do the best we can,
that's all we can do "

have to remember this one xx

Hello @Zoe7, @Former-Member, @Decadian, @Faith-and-Hope

Hi @Former-Member

Who would want to know what it feels like to lose a child - ah dear - and yet those who have not can either expect us to either get on with things after our little "upset" or gaze at us with some kind of horror - which although it is appropriate how on earth do we respond

I can't tell what my daughter feels about her brother dying - they were close - possibly because he was in Foster Care - the past is full of tangled-tales I can no longer sort out - but it was a situation outside my control

But kids have resentments - I suppose the most appropriate thing we can do is to allow them the right to resent their situation - let them have it - let me have mine

So many of the troubles in the world are because people don't want other people to have their feelings - darn it - such an easy way to fix the world - if people are unhappy - let them be that way

What am I doing today - it's hot and humid and windy and horrible here and I have bites on my ankles - mozzie bites probably - I am not at all comfortable - I thought I would look in to see what's happening this afternoon and it seems people are busy scraping off Christmas Crud

But apart from feeling uncomfortable physically I am okay. My gd has moved into her flat and I will be seeing that next week - we all have to make that step away from home eventually - and she has plenty of support -

At least we are having some summer at last

Dec

@Former-Member

Re board

they were not just random people who told me .. they were coming from serious positions of power .. but I think in general community there can be .. many misogynistic elements .. regarding ways to cutdown genuine maternal influence and wisdom in managing our offspring.

Your son sounds like many young men .. learning and wounded and trying .. and there are so many things to get right .. school is a cinch

Dont take it all personally .. but its hard .. when they actually want you to .. but that is their childishness

the child is still in the man

No .. a lot of us love you on the forum .. dont worry too much .. but we are all limited in our ways ..

I always check you thread .. to see how you are .. we have bonded on many griefs

but I cannot know what it is like to lose a child

YOU share that with DEC

I can respect that I dont ..

and your connection with Faith .. is unique ..

but I connect with them both too ..

It is in the myriad of differences . . that we can all mirror one another or bond .. or redefine ourselves ..

I only heard of the black dog recently ..

I call it my doubt or fear .. I tend to associate the word "paranoia" with my teens and early 20s .. and dont actually think about it with respect to my deepest myself.

I am logging off ..

but Hey

we did get through it .. the 25th

For my son that was the biggest bond of all .. we were in it together .. just the 2 of us .. but boy we were united in wanting it to passs.

thanks to you too @Former-Member for just being you. In one way I dont like to hear about the depth of anyone's family struggles, but when I got told I let off bombs .. when I am just talking quietly about everyday things in my life .. it is hard to feel I fit in. I became so constricted in how I expressed myself .. and then I became too ope .. eventually Ill find a happy medium ..

As piano teacher I have seen the range between rich and poor even in my own suburb, and how kids loyalty is often bought.

Paying board probably made him a better person than his mates ...

That may be the point why it is good that they spend some time apart. His gf is not a sister replacement. She may have helped bridge the gap until he could be older, process and deal with you as grievng mum and the death of his sister more maturely .. here's hoping that you get closer again .. but in a way that he is free to form other relationships too.

My son has picked up his gf and gone off to the 80yo .. who asked him to bring some soy sauce as she was doing sushi for them.

The American 80 yo was at the Boxing day lunch .. she is such a tough old bag ,, but I do admire her .. but I also wanted respect .. she dont have to kiss my bum .. but she was bossing and presuming too much .. and I had to get downright rude .. to get it through her thick skin... to stop it .. our friend in the middle of us .. has kind of sussed it out .. and we might be able to move forward .. as an extended friendship group with mutual respect

..some how negotiations are like dancing around the table a la @PeppiPatty style ..

as in we are all equal at the table ..

Fingers crossed.

Have hope .. @Decadian and @Former-Member and @Shaz51 and @Faith-and-Hope .. are all their giving different styles of support.

and forgive yourself for about your daughter. Her dying, and passing through to the other side, and your preocuupations. She cant be hurt where she is .. that is always a consolation for me... and now its time to focus on the living.

Dont compare yourself to a gf .. with your son .. you are more .. you gave him birth .. and are a resourceful with many strengths and virtues ..

I found it hard as my mother put my violent dead brother on a pedestal ..