Sleeping too much

@Former-Member ..... 🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘 .... you can say it here as much as you like ....

Baloons for J .... 💗💙💜💕

This is Boxing Day peeps and I feel like going back to bed - I feel so tired

I have no idea why - maybe a strong black cup of coffee would help -

Maybe Christmas has in-built tensions it's really hard to deal with - put them in the bin and try and forget about them but they take a toll on us anyway

Or maybe it was so hot yesterday the change over-night is just exhausting - a change in the weather can do a number on my spine

But - hey - itsa public holiday - we can slack off -

I had a peaceful Christmas - other people did not - but today - ah yawn

But I went out for a walk last night after sunset - it was still very hot - and my cat was outside and wouldn't go in before I went out - and I got back 15 minutes later and got an angry yowl that I dared leave her outside but then - didn't want to come back in

Okay - enough whinging - I can go back to bed if I want to - but let's try the coffee - we can always have the coffee - right

Have a good day if possible - being tired is the least of our problems

Dec

Yeah @Former-Member

You miss your girl - you said it - ain't that the hardest bit though - you can't go back and get another Christmas with her or anything else - our lost children have gone

The ghosts of Christmas past are not always bad - but they leave a memory that lingers in the air like a candle that has been snuffed out - but that candle does burn on in your heart

But yes - having your daughter die has changed your son too - maybe not even he knows that there is a voice in his head or his heart saying something that hurts. He can't make up for the loss of his sister and you don't want him to - but still - as time passes I think my dd's resentments are becoming less - but the voices are still there -

Time does soften the edges

My thoughts are with your Tawnz - I understand

Dec

It sounds as if you did well @Former-Member- but I am wondering about your son

S3 did a plus one at the 11th hour and it's the first thing that one of your kids has done that you are ashamed of -

Yes - my son did a lot of things that messed with my head - but shame - no - so I am wondering if it was because you had your family there -

Take it easy on yourself - you older boys are all adults now and you can't control what they are going to do or say - we can feel really bad about that - but you did not do it - please don't feel shame

Sh*t - the day I saw my son on the station and found he had permanent graffiti all the way up his left arm I stood on the platform and cried and got onto my train still crying and went on crying - what the hell - I would have paid for tattoos if he had wanted them -

If I sort through these ancient memories maybe I did feel shame - that I was not a good enough mother - but all these year have told me that I was the best mother for this damaged child as I could be

Don't let him mess with your head any longer - you have enough of your own stuff to work through - your survived catering for Christmas on your own with the boys

Sorry about the 11th hour plus 1 - but kids are going to do what they will do - alas

Yeah - it can skin you alive at times

Hugs though - Dec

Hiya @Decadian,

The plus one was ok. He did it last year, it is in his nature to do this. The thing that has caused shame was something completely different. I don't want to say what it was but I want him to fix it. It is something highly offensive and he doesn't get it. I found out a few days ago. I know I can't control him but what he has done won't go away and will keep offending people. The people that know have told me I need to do something about it. I really wish he would understand the implications. Ironically my younger son thought it was funny too until I asked if he or any of his friends would and he said no. It's not illegal or breaking the law but really really uncool.

Are you ok

@Former-Member?

@Appleblossom?

Just logged in and back from Boxing Day lunch. Son gone to fathers for 2 days.

@Former-MemberThat is beautiful that your son is going through a real maturing process ...

has he read the the book "Mateship with Birds" by Carrie Tiffany ..

whatever .. I was sad when I read about your lights drive .. but over all .. it was good .. and real ... and respnsible and people .. trying to make sense out of life's chaalenges .. him at his age and phase and you .. at your age and pahse .. and there needs to be the space and love and acceptance and patien ce to process it all

So glad that it turned out better for you .. trial separation is difficult .. but this generation has been very entitled .. but the world is tough and money is becoming tighter everywhere .. regrdless of good grades and career. .. so as young adults they have to figure it out.

$50 board isnt bad .. it is teaching tool .. I was told to charge some board .. by

i) Director of Family Therapy Institute

ii) my well to do uncle with fancy boat, jetty who met his wife in the VSO (Opera)

iii) centrelink .. when son went on youth allowance .. not actually whilst he was on YA but as part of the whole teaching householding realities.

We do them no favours by thining there are money trees ..

Just take things slowly .. and let the relationship evolve ..

@Faith-and-Hope was right .. he did have a lot on his plate .. all age appropriate stuff .. but it explains tensions .. not a negtive judgement on who he is a person.

@Former-Member Thanks for asking Bella

Yes there are somethings we need to make a stand about .. we let some things through "to the keeper" .. and as parents do need "to pick our battles" I respect that if you have decided this is one to stand firm on .. then thats that .. trust mother instinct .. its a teaching thing ... they cant be expected to know it all .. even if they think they do .. its your right and perogative to do some guidance even as they are young men .. its a complicated world out there .. and consequences cant all be assessed .. hope you sort it out with him

They cannot understand moral/ethical/social processing .. unless these things are worked through .. you sound as if you have figured out the priority

@Decadian Lovely post.

Hi @Zoe7

Do you mind that I unpacked a little of my Christmas eve fandangle.

I had a Boxing day fandangle .. a panic attack this time .. but it actually righted itself quickly .. becasue my friend came and collected me for lunch .. and it means so much to me that she bothered .. to come to my door.

@Appleblossom

Haven't read through everything yet but did want to respond to a couple of things.

Good on you for unpacking all the stuff that has happened - I find it easier to confront and make sense of stuff when I have written it down - either by hand or here on the forum. Good on YOU!

So pleased to hear about your friend coming to get you for lunch - that is one thing I would never expect from anyone I know - don't have any close friends (a few aquaintances) that would do that for me - that's why my 'forum family' is so important to me. I know that all you guys (in whatever capacity you can) are always there and always care. By just sharing your struggles as well as advice and good thoughts makes me feel like I am not alone anymore and have so much support around me.