Sleeping too much

Glad he enjoyed the food. The younger set think they can control so much

Go with what is offered @Former-Member Hope its is cosy

I am lucky we dont do do phones in our house ..

Last night we ate quietly and I could feel his breathe on my hand .. and I thought that was beautiful intimacy ..

Often I would make nice food for the bigger family and husband would be cynical that my step daughter liked it and was impressed when she was little .. later she became very competitive about cooking. Both girls are big foodies .. I am an inbetween one .. but not really traditionalist .. it was never regular for me .. there were always different traditions .. my biological family were not into English roast or turkey

so I reflect that now .. in being expermental .. try and suit the food to the day .. not past

I know you love him and he is someone to be proud of .. but you are too ..

Your ex hub with disposable wives .. is just doin a glossover on life .. may seems more attractive .. to your son .. but not the real deal

I cant cry today ..drained from last night.

I hear clinking .. so he is at the food .. we might start the dvds now

Thanks @Former-Member

Vacuum cleaner for pet hair - vitally important

My cat is shedding like crazy - so much fur comes out when I am brushing her - it is all over the carpet and I am allergic to the vacuum cleaner - I am not getting an domestic help until Thursday - so much for holidays - I would not have had any help had I not insisted.

But the idea will be to put my crocs on and scrape the soles of my feet across the carpet and pick up all the bitznpiecez - and what a little cat she is - she has always been small and there is not much cat inside all that fur

Anyway - gd drives so she can bring her washing here or to her parents' place - so that is easily dealt with - and vacuums can be cheap - but I never use mine and dust accumulates and not everyone who uses it bothers to clean it out and I don't think of it - so it is probably better to get a better one with bags

I am glad to get things for my gf - I can afford it and there were times in the past when I was on the bread line - the generosity of my dd and sil got me through some pretty bad patches at times

I love it that your little dog likes his squeaky toy - my cat doesn't get a present but there are toy mice around her that she will go demented with at times - and she's getting on in years but that's what she will do I guess

Dec

That's nice that he is taking you to see the lights @Former-Member

There is one phrase that comes to mind with your last post and I think others will disagree with me but here is my take. It is swings and roundabouts. It's about taking the bad things and balancing with the good. If you wrote a list from this experience you would have some on the good and some on the bad. I guess it's up to you what you can tolerate in order to have a relationship with him. One of mine is really hard work. His whole life I've had to change the bar for him. After my breakdown and subsequently his and the fracturing of our relationship I've had to work hard. In order to have a relationship with him now I've had to almost take away the bar. He swears and I mean all words in a conversation with me and I hate it but accept it. He drinks too much, he parties and does stupid things and a lot of things that are against my morals but by accepting him this way (he wants to be accepted as he is) he is the first at my door when things go wrong, he is the only one to visit me in hospital even when I tell him not to. He was the first one here today. He rings me once a week. When he is here I put up with the phone at the table and listening to inappropriate YouTube videos and him laughing at them but he always makes time for a conversation too. So for me it's swings and roundabouts. There is a lot of things I disrespect but there are a lot of things I respect too. He has cut off contact completely with his father and step father who raised him. He chooses to have me in his life. As our relationship gets stronger again I'll impose more boundaries. I'm about to have a really difficult conversation with him this week for something he's done that has stresssed me out to the max but today I let it ride.

I know not everyone will agree on this but it's worth working through the swings and roundabouts. Maybe this will help you think about it all and find your perspective.

@Former-Member You are not a basket case. You are just having perfectly normal emotions to a really difficult situation. Please be gentle with yourself. I know it doesn't seem like it but your doing great. Just hold on a bit longer until he goes and then you can let it all out. Sending hugs for strength

Not a basket case @Former-Member I agree with the others

but then last night I was curled up crying in the sacristy .. most of the night was great .. I was in fine form for rehearsal and an hour carols before the service. I looked good, sang well .. was tight for the a capella sections in the carols .. the orchestra was great .. the big star .. enjoyed my reindeer glasses .. I made lots of people laugh .. adding a little kitsch with all the "good taste" many people were nice to me .. a few were showing signs of real friendship .. but a few were nasty .. I answered back when 2 people snapped at me .. and i let it rip .. but I went pretty far . I dont swear .. but rage was high I can be cutting.. one lady gave me a card which I liked.. "glad to see you back at your battle stations" maybe she was being prophetic .. it was kind of like .. in the wings as the choir was going out for round 2 .. when lawyer lady came near me .. I spun around about 5 times really fast .. I guess owning my own energy which I felt she had sapped. .. pretty loopy tho

Tonight I had a walk my son ... // he did not mind me talking to a toddler . then there was 20 mins of DieHard II with icecream .. Yes I am like @Former-Member he swears with me on purpose .. I put up with it .. but when he is happy he forgets to annoy me .. he is so eloquent my heart sings .. and I know he has had enough good to rise out of the bad stuff that I couldnt protect him from.

For years I used to cry out to my middle girl "Lights in trees" whenever we saw some .. trying to cheer her up and break throujgh the oldest dominance ... now I am bagging them with him .. inconsistent??

Who cares

but I want you to enjoy the lights .. you are enough ..you are his mother .. in a very crazy world .. he is just your son .. not God on Toast ..of course there will be a few warts ...

and @Faith-and-Hope I luv your .. owl poo .. the idea .. that is ...

@Former-Member imagery of swings and roundabouts ..

is good because there is dynamism in it ..

Still sounding pretty normal to your difficult circumstances @Former-Member .... your son will be carrying his own issues and is still young as well .... and boys are not as good at processing emotional stuff - nature or nurture I don't know, but they're just more black and white, and don't cope well with having their buttons pushed.

The boundaries move around as they grow and mature as well, but the upside is that they bounce back faster too ....

Try to take his cue and continue as if this hasn't happened .... unpack it a bit more with us here in the next few days when he's gone back.

Hugs Hon ... you're doing well. You weren't wrong imo .... he just didn't want to hear it and has to process it, but you don't know what else he's trying to process re FDIL and your ex & co ..... give it time .... just keep swimming, being loving in baby steps ....

❤️💕💐