Sleeping too much

Thanks @Former-Member

15 years son & I have lived alone and been pretty isolated .. when he has 8 and 10 we visited them.. but I think she was too controlling on my uncle .. and didnt want us to get close.

I trigger the family .. with the abandonment .. and whether or not they should have helped out more .. and then the suicides .. if I had been rude and obnoxious .. as I have witnessed heaps of people act .. in parks in town wherever .. oh they are dealing with grief .. NOW I feel like being VERY rude .. but it wont bring back the lost people and the lost years .. they arent REAL family.

My brother likes to be life of the party ..

which the aunt would like..fancy cymbals .. balinese bells .. wooden boat private jetty.. classy home .. uncle worked hard .. retired

bro is intensely driven .. not such a hard worker .. a con man ..

bro bullied my son .. drops little nasties when he is pretending to be generous host .. messes with the head .. and my son would be home alone .. while I was 1500 miles away .. meeting rellies that now make me wanna chuck

and I dont travel well anymore .. and the wife put my neck out last year .. with her aggressive antics

The money flows .. but it turns me off .. I never felt jealous but they always want to try and make us jealous .. the waste is obscene .. ..we only need enough to live .. money for prestige & competition .. who gives a ..

Bro takes methadone drops .. and gets wheelchair onto plane .. he has huge bluster .. travels business class cheap $3000 tix .. yada

I have said all I need to him .. I have never refused them before .. they used my love and played me for a fool .. they have hate and greed .. they turn people off .. he was thrown off cancer support sites .. for getting all the posters fighting with each other ..and getting commissions on treatments..

I told him to enjoy the beach .. God gave it to us to enjoy .. its free.

I have 3 days booked in Sydney before I meet son at the opera rehearsals .. better off relaxing and see some shows and walk .. than get involved in their maelstrom ..

is this me choosing entertainment over family ... I want to be well .. when I meet my boy.

He is more important.

Thanks for being there to help me get it out of my head and make a decision ..

My brother likes to be life of the party .. which the aunt would like.. he is intensely driven

but bro bullied my son .. and my son would be home alone .. while I was 1500 miles away

and I dont travel well anymore .. and the wife put my neck out last year .. with her angry antics .. another WWII consequence

The money flows .. but it turns me off .. I never felt jealous but they always want to try and make us jealous ..so I dont react a lot .. we only need enough to live .. money for competition .. who gives a ..

Bro takes methadone drops .. and gets wheelchair onto plane .. he has huge bluster .. travels business class cheap $3000 tix .. yada..

I am over having my insides all churned .. he will say "I love you" so its kind of the opposite to your brothers.. but the psychological games ..

I have said all I need to him .... they have so much hate and greed .. they turn a lot of people off .. he was thrown off cancer sites .. I just told him to enjoy the beach . God gave it to us to enjoy .. its free.

Thanks for being with me .. in real time .. Sleep well .. I will go to bed too

Hi @Appleblossom

It sounds like a terrible game of "I'm better than you and can make you feel worse because I have cancer" - your brother is a real number

It's easier said than done to put all this into the past - and how wonderful if it would stay there -

I am so sorry you have had to go through all of this - but I guess rich rellies are like this - are they so empty and lost inside that they have to eat other people's spirit - or try to

You have said "Let it go - let it go" - so you know that's what you need to do but we also know that it's easier said than done

But - however financially crimped and cramped you might be in the world - you are rich to us - rich in the right things - things of the spirit - and we love you here

Family - there are some members who have the whole thing in the wrong lane and then blame you for being the only one driving the wrong direction

I care - I hear what you are saying - a bitchy brother in Germany dying and you tried to reach out but got the elbows you have had before -- and like - it was not your fault you mother failed at the motherhood role

It is so hard to be indicted thus -

But we care - I care

Dec - lots of virtual hugs

Hello @Appleblossom

how are you this morning xx

sorry , I had to go last night my friend , our daughter came over last night , wanting to have a big talk with her dad,

she is putting on a christmas breakfast and she was sooo stressed -- so much like her dad, she does not take any meds , she overthinks and worries like her dad , she get violently sick, huge headaches, and then all she wants to do is sleep

last night after seeing us she had to drive to the airport to pick up her boyfriend at 11-30pm , when she left , Hubby was a total mess , and i had a biggest headache ever

as you know I have 3 stepsons and i stepdaughter

we got totally nothing from my stepsons and their partners , feeling sad for hubby

Ha , they did ring last night and said they will ring on christmas day , our daughter said she has brought us a present

Hello @Former-Member, @Decadian, @TAB, @Former-Member, @PurpleFlowers, @PeppiPatty xx

Thanks @Decadian & @Former-Member

Tbh Dec .. I dont feel that poor .. I eat better, dress better have a cosy little home .. I have what I need .. I am constrained by teaching my son financial realities .. which have been made harder and more complicated by my brother's antics ..and my son is catching on .. but when a mh worker makes casual judgements about my son blaming him .. which they did do in my last episode .. I just know that many people in the workforce are just not that capable at their jobs.. cos they are NOT listening.

I took 2 to get some sleep as I will have a big sing long late sing tonight.

I only got a go ahead re food yesterday .. so will shop soon .. and start doing a vichys ... whats a soup

Most of the food chosen is easy throw together on the day

I am feeling angry with psychiatrists who have not really allowed me to process my childhood during a session.. not allowed me to see the relevance of different events and my responses. Cutting me off .. or making big pronouncements.

I did trust the therapuetic method and put the work in .. to be told "you just have to forgive" while sitting in a chair and doing nothing is

SHEER LAZINESS and NEGLIGENCE and victim blaming.

I forgave all the time .. it is programmed into me .. like a good slave .. it is actually a problem .. when there is predation going on.. as it feeds the sharks.

Gotta go .. got work to do ..