Sleeping too much

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @PeppiPatty, @TAB, @Former-Member

I've had my appointment and talked about lots of things. My therapist allayed my fears of ceasing therapy with me. She kept reassuring me that she is not my old psychologist. We talked about the frustration of me being stuck at the moment and that it's ok for now and we just need to work on things together. I also asked her why I've begun crying so much to which she replied that I'm becoming unfrozen which made sense and I feel a small sense of relief that it's ok. She reassured me it's a healthy way to release emotions. Whilst half way through the session I had no idea how I would get home or what the point of living was I've come away ok and with some things to work on.

Im so sorry about my response last night @Former-Member but I was in a complete state of panic. Unfortunately it the truth and I'm ashamed of it but for now it's who I am. My therapist reaffirmed today that for now that dependence on her is ok but obviously we are aiming to reduce it then eliminate it. It will take a while. She seems confident that I can do it and is not rushing it while I have made progress overall. Thank you though for caring and your response. The truth is that they are the goals I'm working towards but it feels like in an ad hoc way. The fact that I'm have so many life stresses and responsibilities isn't helping.

@Faith-and-Hope. I have been planning daily activities and putting reminders on my phone over the last week but I came undone over a few big ticket items, one being having to start conversing with my ex and begin the long arduous and stressful task to sorting and bringing home my gear from my old family home and secondly trying to do renovations to my house. All of the above I have to rely on people to help and coordinate and find the money to hire a trailer which isn't possible at the moment plus I have two difficult stressful financial situations to resolve that are freaking me out, one with centrelink involving an over payment and two a bill for housing SA. They will both hit before Christmas. I have no money for the kids Christmas presents either. My son and his girlfriend also turn 21 early next year and I have nothing to give her parents for the combined 21st they are planning. They are expecting some money. I haven't been able to broach this with my son. This is just life and normally I wouldn't write this stuff because many have it worse. I also try not to let money be stressful. I don't want anymore help from my family and am trying to do this independently but sometimes it causes stress. This week I have about thirty dollars left for the next nine days for food and petrol but it's doable as I have most food supplies and don't be need to drive my car much. With dependency it sucks that at nearly fifty I need to ask for help for everything. @Former-Member This is why I admire and respect your can do and do do attitude. You are shining the light for me. I currently have such little self respect because of it. And yes my kids do resent that we have become poorer as they've got older whilst their friends families have become wealthier. Most of my old friends are on combined incomes around $200k and are taking their kids overseas every year. I have made peace with it but the kids struggle with it. They get angry at me for it and the fact that they have lost two dads. Please don't see this as complaining just highlighting some of the complexities.

@Former-Member Thanks for the hugs. I think I was having a hug self pity fear party last night. Hugs back. I hope today is being kind to you.

Dearest @Former-Member

Oh dear on the financial stuff.

It's a really hard thing to do but I have told my oldest son that I havent had any mula for the past 3 years to send him anyhting. It is how it is. It's my youngest son's turn.

And then, sometimes, he needs to be patient too. And I truthfully forgot his 21st too. Oops. I gave him some cash about three or four momnths later.........I just apologised and said Im too poor to give you anyhing yet. He was kind to me.

It's the MOST important that you feel good financially and if you can't give presents, one day you will make it up to them with a home made cake or something.

I cannot emphasise that enough. YOu know that anyway.

Great on your Psychologist. Im still dependent on my Psychotherapist and now my husband is too. Poor lady, my Psychotherapist. I also need to email her too and I pay her scraps of money ............

WE are both also 49 years old. My family, all my brothers are wealthy and coping and doing well and then, theres me. LAst week, my Mum gave me $20 for petrol, I almost hugged her and cried. For many years she was only interested in laughing at my poordom but now, she seems to get that life is very difficult, I feel so ashamed though.

You are doing so much better now arent you.

PPx

It is the thing I'm most grateful for @PeppiPatty that I have the professional support I do for scraps of money. I also have message contact with her outside of my weekly appointments so sometimes I think she earns about $5 per hour from me :face_with_rolling_eyes:😔. Today she was good and helped kick my butt out of my self pity party in a way that has felt empowering. I feel very insecure financially but usually it's not the thing that triggers me much but this week it has. I do feel very fortunate that I've had help to get a secure roof over my head (my brother bought the house I'm renting off him).

I also forgot my other sons 21st this year as he was overseas but made it up recently helping him out when he was in trouble and I happened to have some money to help him.

Im really glad your mum is slowly coming around. I know it's so had not to feel ashamed but I know you have nothing to be ashamed for. You are doing the best you can with difficult circumstances. The fact you can come on here with your 'peppyness' is a credit to you. Take care @PeppiPatty 💜🤗

Hey @Former-Member

Yes you ......you know you help me out

Thanks

💐💜 @Former-Member

I know it doesn't solve the financial pinch, but I am so pleased with your outcomes from the counsellor's visit. Can I tell you, that was something that was confusing me .... if you have suffered through a breakdown, and need to rewire parts of your thinking, and that is contributing to you becoming highly dependent on support people .... why on earth were people backing away instead of stepping up to be that support ? I know it results in attachment issues, but my perception was that that is part of the recovery process .... how else are you supposed to recover ?? 😳

When a tree is small, you tie it to a support post until it is good and strong in its own integrity ..... the post doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be there to hang on to ... 🌱

I am so, so thrilled to hear that this counsellor recognises that that is what you need for your healing. I just thought I must be viewing it in naivety, as this is not territory I am familiar with .... it's my empath nature that is responding with what I thought were it's own ideas .... 💜🌷

Same in regard to the "becoming unfrozen" floods of tears .... I thought I must have been naive about that too, but it was my perception that, even as with my Metabolic Syndrome issue causing detox symptoms as it "unfreezes" .... so emotional unfreezing could only really result in floods of tears .... and it seems likely that that is what has been happening all year for sadgirl too, and how @Former-Member experiences her stages of recovery. How wonderful, in that sense, to find the healing is happening as the tears start to flow and flow.😢

Yes, your kids will struggle with anger and resentment over what they see in this moment as a loss in financial status, and the loss of two dads ..... but that is their struggle journey. At some point they will wake up to the understanding that it was both immensely difficult for you, and necessary .... and you made the hard call that as a responsible parent we have to make. You have to let them take their own path to that realisation. It will benefit them in the longer term, and they will come back to telling you that some day ..... 💗💕

If the girlfriend's parents are understanding of your financial difficulties, I expect they will help you carry the 21st forward, as you would for them if the roles were reversed, until such a time as you can contribute more fully. There may be a point in the future where you can carry something forward for them in a time of struggle. Compassionate people work with what is .... 👍🏼💜

When our kids have burned through their pocket money and don't have any left for gifts they would like to give, they make home-made gift certificates to present to each other, for hairdressing ahead of a night out, or a back and shoulder massage, or to wash a car, or to cook dinner when I'm too tired to .... it is a good way of reminding them that money isn't everything, and we may all encounter circumstances of financial trouble in life, so better to practice some skills and fore-thought ..... 🚗💦 .... 🍳🍜🍵 .... 💅

If we had left last year, I don't know where I would be at financially at the moment. While I have a strong artistic talent, I haven't completed formal qualifications beyond high school graduation. When you have to leave, you have to leave, and any of us at any age can find ourselves with that struggle. Nothing at all to be embarrassed about @Former-Member. Total kudos to you for making it work ..... 🎈🎉🎊🎖❣

Good good message @Faith-and-Hope

Me, hubby FIL all listening to 6pr

My FIL thinks it's s.......

Love your small tree and support post metaphor @Faith-and-Hope - very true

It seems to bother my counsellor @Faith-and-Hope too that in the end my previous experiences just caused me to be more anxious and suicidal and insecure. Being treated like a leach that might attach myself to someone has been the most humiliating experience of my life. My counsellor said something today to that helped me feel a little better about it, she said that my dependency on her bothers me more than her which means I'm more likely to do things to change it which I guess I already do now. Once I become aware when I'm becoming too needy I usually try to change it without her saying anything. I asked her about me not progressing and she replied that it's pretty much like NikNiks diagram with the squiggly lines in that as long as there is an over all incline it's ok and that she expects the rough patches along the way where things stall or take a step backwards.

Only this weekend I worked out that I've not really grieved the loss associated with leaving the family house and I've never really grieved the loss of my ex partner either. I've not ever really shed a tear for any of that.

Thank you for your support with this. I cried when I read your response, it's becoming a familiar thing currently. I seem to cry at least three or four times a day, at least now I won't stress over it so much. It meant a lot that you understood.

I didn't even ask before. How did your weekend celebrations go? I hope you are ok and that WH is a little chilled leading up to going away. 💜🤗