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Sleeping too much
8691 replies
In response to: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hey @Former-Member
S1 is likely to be a bit gun-shy with you until he becomes more confident in your recovery. The way you held up for his grad was runs on the board my girl .... and if you can muster all you gumption and just stay polite under all the girl-friend cr*p, that will score you brownie points with him too ....
Don't forget he needed to reach out elsewhere to try to remain stable through that zone where you were not, and he was, probably still is, in grief for his sister too ...
Be as patriot as you can ... having girl-friend there, as much as she is cool towards you, helped him to stabilise .... and it can be hard to appreciate relationship that are not particularly warm, but are still highly functional regardless ....
I refer to my relationship with my in-laws as a "working relationship", because we have managed to achieve much more, and in fact survive, in business by all rowing together. That doesn't mean we have to be besties - although that is so nice when it happens !
Just stabilise a working relationship with GF for now, and see where it goes. Send them the odd nice card through the mail, and postcards if you travel anywhere .... you've got a great sense of humour - send them a postcard from your town ...
Baby steps @Former-Member, and give time for S1 to grow in baby steps back towards you too ...
And don't worry, I have heard lots of men say they don't want kids but slowly change their minds. That thought my morph a bit too, further down the track.
❤💕
S1 is likely to be a bit gun-shy with you until he becomes more confident in your recovery. The way you held up for his grad was runs on the board my girl .... and if you can muster all you gumption and just stay polite under all the girl-friend cr*p, that will score you brownie points with him too ....
Don't forget he needed to reach out elsewhere to try to remain stable through that zone where you were not, and he was, probably still is, in grief for his sister too ...
Be as patriot as you can ... having girl-friend there, as much as she is cool towards you, helped him to stabilise .... and it can be hard to appreciate relationship that are not particularly warm, but are still highly functional regardless ....
I refer to my relationship with my in-laws as a "working relationship", because we have managed to achieve much more, and in fact survive, in business by all rowing together. That doesn't mean we have to be besties - although that is so nice when it happens !
Just stabilise a working relationship with GF for now, and see where it goes. Send them the odd nice card through the mail, and postcards if you travel anywhere .... you've got a great sense of humour - send them a postcard from your town ...
Baby steps @Former-Member, and give time for S1 to grow in baby steps back towards you too ...
And don't worry, I have heard lots of men say they don't want kids but slowly change their minds. That thought my morph a bit too, further down the track.
❤💕
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Thanks @faitg-and-hope, been trying hard not to be interfering destructice ceitical or jealous (like my mum), or needy & wanting - even when I was in great pain, for so long. and alone. Someone helpes comevto terms with this it all by reminding me he is DOING all the things a young man his age should be doing. It helps to know who cares deep down.
thanks faith and hope for checking in here today it's really nice to find your messages, like having a chatcwith a friend (hangbon a min - it is :/), sure takes away the loneliness.
I did get to church today and got spoiled by a lift in and a free lunch out, wow - that was lovely.
Did your family get up to anything exciting this weekend? What's WH up to? Any dolphins today?
My backyard is covered in pruning offcuts I've been very busy but I got to take it easy, do bits at a time because of this back, so its a slow project, but I do so prefer to be out in the garden than inside.
The neighbours is busy drilling holes to put up a corrugated iron fence, so that certainly will be different, sounds like he's happy to pay & do it himself, which is a relief. He works for the council & is a farm boy.
Anyway, I'll check in a bit later bye.
thanks faith and hope for checking in here today it's really nice to find your messages, like having a chatcwith a friend (hangbon a min - it is :/), sure takes away the loneliness.
I did get to church today and got spoiled by a lift in and a free lunch out, wow - that was lovely.
Did your family get up to anything exciting this weekend? What's WH up to? Any dolphins today?
My backyard is covered in pruning offcuts I've been very busy but I got to take it easy, do bits at a time because of this back, so its a slow project, but I do so prefer to be out in the garden than inside.
The neighbours is busy drilling holes to put up a corrugated iron fence, so that certainly will be different, sounds like he's happy to pay & do it himself, which is a relief. He works for the council & is a farm boy.
Anyway, I'll check in a bit later bye.
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Hey, have to tell yas a funny story, well I think it's funny. Today at church I was a little bit naughty. Tere's this younger Indian fellow who usually quite outspoken, loud, cracking jokes all time, having digs at people etc ,Last week he publically joked about my poor church attendance. Today he asked us to pray for his hometown in India, because it is now, apparently, been declared the highest radiation poisoned town in the world. Well, guess what, I just couldn't miss this opportunity I turned him with wide eyes and announced, "Well that explains a lot!"
My bad! hahaha!
Everyone cracked up & he wasn't offended, phew!
My bad! hahaha!
Everyone cracked up & he wasn't offended, phew!
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hi @Former-Member 🌷
Loved that you got the lift to church and the free lunch - yay ❣
It was S2's actual birthday today, so we were out with all the kids for dinner last night, along with my Dad who is still staying with us, and my MIL. I ended up sitting at one end of the table with WH and MIL .... and she is restrictive dieting along the same lines he is, just without all the exercise component and specific food dishes he makes every day.
So while the rest of us shared starters, and the sort of conversation that goes along with it, the two of them just sat there, declining anything offered their way, and silently assessing / judging everyone else's choices .... which if you asked them they would deny they are doing ....
There was no real conversation between us, because they are spending a couple of hours a day in each other's company (he jogs to her house and back twice a day for coffee, TV and chats) and they weren't bothering to make any small talk with me. They weren't even making small-talk with each other ... which is even more telling, because it means they are not even prepared to share that company with me when I am present.
Anything I could think of to say either would be of no interest to them, or falls into the contentious zone where he is not prepared to accept he has an eating disorder, and the psychologists and counsellors have advised me against discussing food, body-weight, exercise, time-management issues, etc, and there is only so far discussions about the weather can go .... so you see, I am on that politeness platform with my WH for the foreseeable future too ....
They only ate their entree sized main meal and wouldn't touch anything else but water, apart from WH having a teaspoon of birthday cake ....
I did notice that MIL has slimmed right down in her face and shoulders to that borderline-gaunt look, and I woke this morning to feeling very flat. I have told her that he is unwell, and lying to the doctor about some of his e.d. behaviours, but she is still supporting him and buying into it anyway .... Grrrr !! ... They grew up with her crash-dieting all the time, and yo-yo-ing weight-wise. Here we go again .
Didn't feel up to going to church cos I couldn't really raise a smile, and until we achieve diagnosis and intervention, I have to keep up a privacy shield, otherwise WH and his family's reactions would cause us all to fall down. Too hard this morning with the way I was feeling, so I took my Dad out for vpbreakfast while everyone (except WH - already gone jogging) was sleeping in from a late-night movie last night after coming home from dinner.
The weather was bad, so no walking yet today ... might go a bit later if it has stopped raining, but Dad and I drove around the river a bit, watching the waves spray up with all the wind .... but no dolphins in sight.
I'm going to have a sleep, then see about a walk after that.
Catch you later ....
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
BTW - I loved your in-church banter ....
You have a great sense of humour @Former-Member .... just need your self-confidence back in a friendly environment to start wielding it ....
Enjoy ❣
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
I loved your church comment too. @Former-Member YOU GO GIRL
We have a class clown in our church and he explained to me that he does it to take the slack off the conductor who was a very stiff and pedantic and did not have great people skills. Mostly its harmless but sometimes got people's goat ... a bit gender based etc
So I challenged him a couple of times and started to make jokes of my own. I said it wasnt fair that he had ALL the fun ... he was the only one doing it for 4 years every week ... but if they have good will and are not intending to be malicious ... they can usually take it
It sounds as if your guy did.
Humour if done well is the best ice-breaker
I agree with @Faith-and-HopeScores on the board ... with the ex and at church ...
I feel for you with your son @Former-Member.. it is even worse with my daughter I saw her once per year for a while then every 2 years ...
BUT ... as a mums it hursts not to have a sense of close family ... but the real job has been done ... a couple of people said the same thing to me ... I dont actually have to worry that she is wondering around hurt and suicidal like my siblings were ... the worry was constant ...
my girl is mostly doing well ... so I can reassure myself that despite it all .. I did a few things right.
@Faith-and-Hope That was a very good point about relationship being functional without actually being warm. Sometimes that is the best we get.
Take care both of you.
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Yes, thank you @Faith-and-Hope, i also like what you said about a relationship being "functional, without being warm" Good one. Guess what we do have, is enough.
Hard that my sister, who still refuses to talk to me, is communicating with my son & FDIL on fb etc though (ignoring me), and she meets them when accompanying hubby to medical conferences in Brisbane etc. I'm left out of all that. It hurts me time and time again. S1 has learned not to tell me now thank goodness. Unfortunately my blackdog self can get me down about it all - insecurity & even paranoia - to be left out so. BUT, recently I had a breakthrough on this, a revelation. I believe it was the Holy Spirit who revealed It To Me, because this Revelation has brought healing: It was revealed to me that these people have not just withdrawn from my life, but the Lord has removed them for a time, for my own good, and possibly theirs, for the greater good, for a time. Knowing someone who loves me has ordained it so is reassuring. It's quite a contrast to believing they WANT to hurt / harm me. Or that I was the problem, unlovable, disgusting piece of garbage to discard or keep at a distance. Now knowing Gods controlling them & he wants what's best, now I see the lies of wrong interpretation.
Jeremiah 29:11 says; "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Romans 8:28 "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord, according to his purpose"
Its the dying flesh that sees it otherwise - not the spirit.
So you see, it's taking me a long time to accept that God can even be in the bad happenings. There are still "treasures in darkness" we just have stop and look for them.
F&H, me think it strange that WH is so close to his mother. Very weird actually, but maybe this is a culture thing, yes? Also, I'm wondering if it's possible to perhaps see him as not having an eating disorder? (Oops! did I swear :\) no, I'm just wondering if maybe these symptoms he's manifesting, are a kind of cover or smokescreen for something else he perceives as much worse.?? // My vision for this situation is that the cover will run out of steam, there'll be a slump, then a balancing out to a new normal. // Its wonderful that you work hard at giving your family an anchor while waters are turbulent. The Lord will honour that 🙂
Sorry you're not yourself today not up to fake smiles & all now it well. Some think we should go anyway, but it's OK to also he true to yourself at home with the Lord when necessary. God is not restricted to a building. Perhaps visit a believer for fellowship during the week. I enjoy our spiritual talks here too.
And with you too @Appleblossom, Thanks for your encouragement, you are like my 'trauma mentor' my living Phoenix. I guess sometimes we all need to be reminded that we're actually doing ok considering - it's really nice to have someone on the planet recognise what I've overcome, the struggle, difficulties & hard work to survive. To be acknowledged, validated & accepted, instead of put down, 'fixed' & told what I should be thinking, or feeling or even doing. Thank you for that. How are you in yourself right now ~ a little better? Give yourself time ~ you know the drill.
Apologies for the Epistle lol
Hard that my sister, who still refuses to talk to me, is communicating with my son & FDIL on fb etc though (ignoring me), and she meets them when accompanying hubby to medical conferences in Brisbane etc. I'm left out of all that. It hurts me time and time again. S1 has learned not to tell me now thank goodness. Unfortunately my blackdog self can get me down about it all - insecurity & even paranoia - to be left out so. BUT, recently I had a breakthrough on this, a revelation. I believe it was the Holy Spirit who revealed It To Me, because this Revelation has brought healing: It was revealed to me that these people have not just withdrawn from my life, but the Lord has removed them for a time, for my own good, and possibly theirs, for the greater good, for a time. Knowing someone who loves me has ordained it so is reassuring. It's quite a contrast to believing they WANT to hurt / harm me. Or that I was the problem, unlovable, disgusting piece of garbage to discard or keep at a distance. Now knowing Gods controlling them & he wants what's best, now I see the lies of wrong interpretation.
Jeremiah 29:11 says; "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Romans 8:28 "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord, according to his purpose"
Its the dying flesh that sees it otherwise - not the spirit.
So you see, it's taking me a long time to accept that God can even be in the bad happenings. There are still "treasures in darkness" we just have stop and look for them.
F&H, me think it strange that WH is so close to his mother. Very weird actually, but maybe this is a culture thing, yes? Also, I'm wondering if it's possible to perhaps see him as not having an eating disorder? (Oops! did I swear :\) no, I'm just wondering if maybe these symptoms he's manifesting, are a kind of cover or smokescreen for something else he perceives as much worse.?? // My vision for this situation is that the cover will run out of steam, there'll be a slump, then a balancing out to a new normal. // Its wonderful that you work hard at giving your family an anchor while waters are turbulent. The Lord will honour that 🙂
Sorry you're not yourself today not up to fake smiles & all now it well. Some think we should go anyway, but it's OK to also he true to yourself at home with the Lord when necessary. God is not restricted to a building. Perhaps visit a believer for fellowship during the week. I enjoy our spiritual talks here too.
And with you too @Appleblossom, Thanks for your encouragement, you are like my 'trauma mentor' my living Phoenix. I guess sometimes we all need to be reminded that we're actually doing ok considering - it's really nice to have someone on the planet recognise what I've overcome, the struggle, difficulties & hard work to survive. To be acknowledged, validated & accepted, instead of put down, 'fixed' & told what I should be thinking, or feeling or even doing. Thank you for that. How are you in yourself right now ~ a little better? Give yourself time ~ you know the drill.
Apologies for the Epistle lol
In response to: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
All good @Former-Member ....
I don't do a fake smile .... can't bring myself to it .... so won't go to church or socialise if that's the requirement .... but I can do a cool polite smile .... but that one is not comfortable for church either ....
Breakfast with my Dad was breaking bread with The Lord this morning ...
Both you and @Appleblossom know from my Carers thread that WH's regimen involves a lot more than just the eating & exercise .... can't forget that it's an e.d. cos it's stolen his heart and personality along with the rest of it ... for now .... that e.d. body-snatcher is on borrowed time .... but there are lessons in the darkness as much as the light ... more faith required when you can't see where you're placin your next foot-fall ....
The thing with the mother is the e.d. ... there is a closeness in this sort of family - and we have it with our kids in it's proper form - intra-dependence - but this is something else .... this is her brokenness and his illness keeping company in a dysfunctional manner .... but as he is not himself, and I can't reach him, I just have to accept this pattern as offering us respite within the home, and keepin him sort-of-safe in this holding pattern ....
It's like you said ... he's been taken away from us for this little while, for the protection of all of us .....
I don't do a fake smile .... can't bring myself to it .... so won't go to church or socialise if that's the requirement .... but I can do a cool polite smile .... but that one is not comfortable for church either ....
Breakfast with my Dad was breaking bread with The Lord this morning ...
Both you and @Appleblossom know from my Carers thread that WH's regimen involves a lot more than just the eating & exercise .... can't forget that it's an e.d. cos it's stolen his heart and personality along with the rest of it ... for now .... that e.d. body-snatcher is on borrowed time .... but there are lessons in the darkness as much as the light ... more faith required when you can't see where you're placin your next foot-fall ....
The thing with the mother is the e.d. ... there is a closeness in this sort of family - and we have it with our kids in it's proper form - intra-dependence - but this is something else .... this is her brokenness and his illness keeping company in a dysfunctional manner .... but as he is not himself, and I can't reach him, I just have to accept this pattern as offering us respite within the home, and keepin him sort-of-safe in this holding pattern ....
It's like you said ... he's been taken away from us for this little while, for the protection of all of us .....
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Chin up @Faith-and-Hope, I hear you 🙂
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
@Former-Member
Have an aunt who says "chins" up ! Lol ....
Thanks ❤️🌷
