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Sleeping too much
8691 replies
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
@Faith & hope, appreciate your sound mind giving me different options. Thanks. I like that its not all our fault, " not responsible for the way things turn out - so many variables" ta. It could be my x & what the universe is teaching him.
6am here, the sun's peeking through. Kept waking through the night to noises. Have this fear someone's snooping around at night. Heard car doors at 2am. Last time i woke to the dog barking at something - but there he was asleep. Maybe an echo from the x threarening letter Sunday & finding the side gate open.
Have a lovely dqy
6am here, the sun's peeking through. Kept waking through the night to noises. Have this fear someone's snooping around at night. Heard car doors at 2am. Last time i woke to the dog barking at something - but there he was asleep. Maybe an echo from the x threarening letter Sunday & finding the side gate open.
Have a lovely dqy
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hi @Former-Member
Yeah, I would say that has spooked you a bit ... it might take you a little while to settle .... and do fight the urge to write things on his mail .... it's not worth the peace of mind it's cost you ....
There is a strong vindictive streak through my in-law family. I have to think very carefully before upsetting them, and WH the same, in his current state. His love for us used to keep him balanced with that. Now his love for his e.d., and his self-protection takes 1st, 2nd, 3rd seats ....
It's some of what is behind my baby-dragons' behaviours .... including D3's spiteful push-backs and sense of entitlement now .... goes with the territory I'm afraid .... even as WH's behaviour has blown out under the influence of his mi, the same sort of thing is happening with D3's behaviour now .... but at least we have got her in th hands of the school counsellor, doctor, and pdoc .... she can be talked around as to how her behaviour is presenting and why it might be happening, and what her responsibilities are towards fronting up to what is really upsetting her ...
Holding hope we will get to that place with WH before too much longer !
It's my mum who taught me to ground my thoughts like that .... to look at things from a perspective outside myself and try to place it within a larger, more global view .... It took me a long time to realise that not everyone has those sort of lessons growing up, and where would I be now .... in the middle of all this cr-ap .... without the ability to do that .... ? Maybe in the same place as WH and D3 .....
You're doing great @Former-Member .... keep counting your blessings and keep swimming ❣
One tidiness tip I taught myself (think my mum picked it up from me at some point 😏) is to fold everything that is fold-able before I put it down anywhere .... aka tea-towels, bath towels, once-worn-still-clean-clothes, a cardi I just took off, etc
And pile things into neat, straight piles .... aka opened mail on benches, kids schoolwork "nests" of paper mess, lists or receipts or coupons, etc
And to take a basket and pile things into it that would otherwise look untidy (do you have any idea how many $5 white washing baskets live in my house ?? The more mess my kids create in their rooms and bathrooms, the more baskets I buy and stick under it all .... we are white-basket-city over here .... I fully expect to visit their homes when they are married and find the same thing happening there .... 😂 ❣ If it's a pile of junk that has to live somewhere right in the middle of, say, the lounge room, or kitchen, then you might want to invest in a nicer looking cane basket, or decorative box with a lid.
You would be amazed at how quickly the house can look straightened up just by applying these methods. I have even bought a plastic basin to put dishes in that are waiting for wash-up, just cos they look neater and more contained in there.
And that's something you can do for you !! To feel better about your own living space. If anyone else gets impressed by that, well, it's a bonus .... but this is part of being your own best friend. Do best-friend stuff for you !!
❤️
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Bugs me that the x's overeaction to one tiny word in brackets makes me look bad & has people focusing on my tiny passive spit to silence me rather than say anything about him, the abuser. He's threatened to drag me through court (which he knows distresses me), take the house off me (which is impossible but worth a try), called me a liar too, came to my residence uninvited, touched my car... has bad intent... And that't the tiny bit of the long letter my eyes caught before I threw it away. He even said I had his address wrong, that he doesn't live where I thought, so - I don't even know his mailing address yet he knows mine & come in uninvited when he could have just used the letterbox by the footpath. Yes I may have triggered a response but not responsible for his bad choices or emotional state. He could have remained silent like I have been the most of 30yrs. If only you knew what he's done to me. He wants to spook me (I didn't) & he's pulled it off even in my sleep. I even had a waking nightmare this week that a horseman was chasing me & when I tripped, laying hurt on the ground, he still got out his bow & arrow & shot it into the side of my chest, the left, and I died, but woke up. I don't think calling him the "liar" he is is warrents his attack.Silly old man. Nobody want to take him on & he knows it. Never mind, I've survived him alone thus far.
Good suggestion F&H about the containers & baskets. I have a lot of boxes around the place, but baskets would be better because I could see what's in them. You sound like a healthy blend of your mum & grandma.
Just talking about it motivates me to get up & do something. Thanks for talking. There's nobody else in my life to say this stuff to. Appreciate the good people here.
Good suggestion F&H about the containers & baskets. I have a lot of boxes around the place, but baskets would be better because I could see what's in them. You sound like a healthy blend of your mum & grandma.
Just talking about it motivates me to get up & do something. Thanks for talking. There's nobody else in my life to say this stuff to. Appreciate the good people here.
In response to: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Yay @Former-Member 💜🌷
You shine on there girl !!
It seems that people like your ex are getting away with their obnoxious behaviour, but you and I and others know that he's not really getting away with it at a soul level ....
And the horseman ? Maybe that's showing you that he can do his worst, but you can wake up from that, like a bad dream, and live on !!! Ha ! Go back to bed tonight a d, fully conscious, rewrite the ending of that dream. Instead of running, turn, raise your hand and yell "Stop ! I won't allow it !" and watch that horse rear up in surprise and drop
It's rider off it's back into the mud. That arrow might even slip and pierce him somewhere very uncomfortable .... ". Hey, you've made yourself the new author of this dream .... 😄
You shine on there girl !!
It seems that people like your ex are getting away with their obnoxious behaviour, but you and I and others know that he's not really getting away with it at a soul level ....
And the horseman ? Maybe that's showing you that he can do his worst, but you can wake up from that, like a bad dream, and live on !!! Ha ! Go back to bed tonight a d, fully conscious, rewrite the ending of that dream. Instead of running, turn, raise your hand and yell "Stop ! I won't allow it !" and watch that horse rear up in surprise and drop
It's rider off it's back into the mud. That arrow might even slip and pierce him somewhere very uncomfortable .... ". Hey, you've made yourself the new author of this dream .... 😄
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Arr! You made me laugh F&H, thanks 🙂
I better go get something done.
I better go get something done.
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Recap on Grief & Loss
The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief
The stages of mourning and grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual’s own terminal illness, the loss of a close relationship, or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. There are five stages of normal grief that were first proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.”
In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage with different levels of intensity. The five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief.
The death of your loved one might inspire you to evaluate your own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges: As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life.
Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed below, which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.
All, keep in mind — all people grieve differently. Some people will wear their emotions on their sleeve and be outwardly emotional. Others will experience their grief more internally, and may not cry. You should try and not judge how a person experiences their grief, as each person will experience it differently.
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
2. Anger
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.
Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.
The doctor who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them.
Do not hesitate to ask your doctor to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your loved one’s illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Understand the options available to you. Take your time.
3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
4. Depression
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.
The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
5. Acceptance
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Loved ones that are terminally ill or aging appear to go through a final period of withdrawal. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own impending death or such, only that physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited. The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us.
Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief
The stages of mourning and grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual’s own terminal illness, the loss of a close relationship, or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. There are five stages of normal grief that were first proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.”
In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage with different levels of intensity. The five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief.
The death of your loved one might inspire you to evaluate your own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges: As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life.
Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed below, which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.
All, keep in mind — all people grieve differently. Some people will wear their emotions on their sleeve and be outwardly emotional. Others will experience their grief more internally, and may not cry. You should try and not judge how a person experiences their grief, as each person will experience it differently.
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
2. Anger
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.
Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.
The doctor who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them.
Do not hesitate to ask your doctor to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your loved one’s illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Understand the options available to you. Take your time.
3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
4. Depression
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.
The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
5. Acceptance
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Loved ones that are terminally ill or aging appear to go through a final period of withdrawal. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own impending death or such, only that physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited. The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us.
Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hi @Former-Member
It is good to recap some of the process.
I am glad you had a good talk with your son. Music will do him good.
It was really lovely to hear that you taught your daughter to play the piano and put her though exams yourself.
@Former-Member IT WAS ENOUGH. YOU DID GIVE THEM MUSIC.
She is probably dancing away in the clouds.
See I know that PROVES that you had a good enough relationship with her .. because one of the most famous lines in the business ... is that you cant teach your own children .. it is easier to pay some else to do it if their are any attitude problems ... and for a lot of people money is easy ... and the piano teacher can sort all the problems out. Any mum who can teach their kid .. ROCKS.
I was a music teacher for 25 years .. my mum taught for 40. Its not the paid lessons that count ... you loved her .... who says all kids need private music lessons .. how many instruments ... or bloody ski lessons ... my poor kids didnt get ski lessons and only a few horse riding lessons ... and they didnt get to the Olympics ... and this is a sporting nation...
its part of the reason I am ambivalent about teaching .. its not the music .. or the kids ... its the pretentiousness in it .. some parents think they give you their money and puff themselves up about it .. some parents are really earnest.
I am glad I am just doing my own music at the moment.. I may go back to it later ....
We have 5 bloody guitars at our place .. my son has only one set of hands .. wish I could give you one .. but they are actually all my sons.
My son played violin for a while ... I was really upset because he paid $1500 for it when neither he or I could afford it .. but it was his journey ... he contracted with the luthier and made the repayments for a year and I loved him for following through .. hasnt touched it for a few years.
I was doing primal therapy when my sister died.(1986) A therapist told me about Kubler Ross then. My sister attempted 7 times and was in a half way house at Mont Park. She was only 21. My brother felt guilty as they had a relationship for about 3 months .. we were isolated .. but close ... but also raised in different foster families ... they became too close, but it was just loneliness, and if my mother had not been so stubborn and proud and gotten counselling .. they could have gotten help. I had left home. He then acted out with graphic big and violent SH for 10 years and then finally suicided too. He was a physical mess ... I wont say more than that.
I can go into diagnoses .. but the bastards changed them on my brother so they did not have to give him a bed on the weekend they closed Mont Park .. so I say he is a martyr to de-institutionalisation and am vocal about the shifting and doubtful nature of the DSM.
She (sis) had Schizophrenia .. fairly classic ... he (bro) was more of a BPD ... no meds or treatment in those days ... just throw him back on a young wife with a 6 week baby ... it was horrendous ...
The 3 of us had been left by parents who had serious MI (my file says schizophrenia- apparently mum ahd 3 admissions). We were abandoned when I was 6 he was 4 and she was 2. We were in an old house for about 10 days ... and then put into 'care' ... we returned separately after being in different foster homes and orphanages ... I only lived with my sister for 4 years after she returned. One child, the baby 6 months at the time was never returned and raised by one foster family in Sydney ... he is my surviving brother ... the rich one with cancer.
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hey @Former-Member @Appleblossom
You guys still here ?
❤️💕
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Eating a cheese and vegie sanger.
Son is on the train.
I think I am manic ... and I had a diaz last night ... will sleep when I can ...
have no other commitments til my boy get home for a nice Saturday home cooked meal.
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
@Appleblossom
Ummmm ... it's Friday today ... ?
Or do you mean your son won't be home till tomorrow ?
Cheese and vegie Sanger sounds nice ! Making me hungry 😊
