Sleeping too much

Hi @utopia

When do we speak the truth and when do we keep silent? That is a major question

I saw a short film with Ricky Gervais - called something like The Invention of Lying - and it was strange and funny - when the man - protrayed by Ricky - and everyone else - always told the truth - people were fighting like mad and hated each other - but he started to lie - tell people what they wanted to hear I guess - and he was so popular

But who would want that kind of popularity?

So it would be better to make an academic argument about discretion I think - that would be harder but maybe the deeper truth would be found without in-fighting

Enough of that - it is too early to be so introspection

Anyway - I too an puzzled that two people who love each other enough to have a baby - or more - like several - and still turn on each other and use the children as weapons in a custody battle

I am still fuzzy-headed - wondering when all this stuff in my head will be gone - but maybe there is one thing people must realise in the cattiness and ugly behaviour that happens when a relationship in it dies - and that is to not tell the truth to the children -

Be honest - yes - tell them you loved Daddy or Mummy and you still would but things have changed and so we have to do something different - but we must never tell them what has actually taken place - they are too young and too vulnerable to know the whole truth

But we don't lie either - the truth must be tempered with discretion for the sake of the child

Sorry to be so wise - I don't know if I am even being clever right now - but children do not need to know the horrible nature their parents can nurse at times - we all have that side of us - but let the children find out in their own time

I know because I made all those mistakes - like - I lost my shirt - I pawned my rings - I did all the dumb things - but I learned

All the best with that @utopia - some people are just plain selfish - but we don't have to tell our children that

Decadian

You are right @utopia

But here's the thing - your son's Dad is busy heaping up trouble for himself in the future -

My dd has been through the "Dad's New Family" thing too - I never ask - but now and again words fall out of people's mouths and they have no idea they have let-slip something better not said - my ex is pretty much the same as he always was

Anyway - your son's father has to deal with the future himself - the best thing you can say is something like to your son

"I am sorry this has happened again. I wish things were easier but they are the way they are - let's go to the park or the mall or something on the way home"

Plead ignorance - "I don't know why your father treats you this way - you don't deserve it"

And I wish you the best with that - it is not at all easy - and your son has heard your arguments - so yes - my dd heard mine - we can learn to refuse to be a doormat and when on the phone to your ex who is enjoying his own life in his own way - say "I am not arguing with you - I am not waiting here for you - I am going somewhere else so we can have a good day"

I know what you mean -

More hugs

Decadian

Hi @Former-Member

I was thinking of you .. I had to google Krumping .... you wicked thing you ... lol

Are they memories coming up or is the past influencing the present? Yes thanks .. for the wise stuff about being grounded .. I was very anxious about trip 6 months ago .. am better now .. plans are in situ .. will try and keep posting while I'm away, but it will be a lot less.

@utopia

I think family law is trying to do the right thing and giving parents equal rights.

My fulltime (24/7 not 40 hours pw) mothering a bub experience started with Protective Services and a Supreme Court Case. It was not my baby, so I was legitimately detached in a way, but I did all the work and watched what happened trying to do the right thing by "the child". My ex was pathetic, now that I reflect on it, but they both were.

Sadly it is my biological children who suffered while Madam aka the child got to play footsies with double mothers and double grandmothers ...

I dreamt about her yesterday .. the first good long dream I had in which she appeared. I was pliable polite and helpless .. while she took my son and I around to all these brothels .. and I had to watch and be polite. Positive spin can be good @Faith-and-Hope.. but each circumstance needs consderation for its uniqueness.

My biological offspring werent given the "rights of "the child" " maybe we werent of the same species ... hmmm ... a little anger there maybe ...

At least the Family Court doesnt cost as much as the Supreme Court .. but is it really dealing with the issues in the best way for fanmilies? Its important that people post about their experiences .. not sure about the legalities .. but the family court mnneds transparency and feedback too .. about how it operates ...transparency for all the community .. including those that work in the field...

Mediation ... I have a story about that.. In my divorce .. we got consent orders and had 6 sessions. One was a lawyer, but he was also a little boy and only had a bub at the time he was mediating our case... not really enough experience for the complexity of our family IMHO.

5 years later he phoned me looking for a piano teacher .. cos I was kinda in his area .. I twigged it was him but I didnt make that explicit .. was totally professional .. I think after 15 mins "music techerly" discussion he figured it out .. as he knew what I did and where I was building ..

Thank you @Former-Member.......

I cannot believe how......she dealt with such a horrible situation. Or course, I cannot tell it all .....the whole story is just so horrible.

But that you wrote this makes me feel that I have answered her correctly. She is so lonely.

Thanks again

PP x

Dear @utopia

I really mean it that this woman is so so abused and .......

on the other hand: you dont want to meet her on a dark alley okay?

But I've known her for about 4 years. We have talked very deeply about her staying on her medication. And she mainly does......

then people come over and steal it.....

Or she has a mania episode.

From trauma.......

That she can say this so graciously has completely made my decade....

@utopia I think that it is so important to recognise on gender stuff going both ways. Am I allowed to say your name @lisajane ?

@Rick

your brother. Many people online.

@Jacques finds it difficult to express himself when he leaves his home and I find that a fight for gender equality as well. His personaliity is so beautiful and kind. We have been friends for a while.......

DEar @Decadian

I so want to see this film. Ricky G...... does this great utube thing sabout nursinghomes that left me and my husband in stiches.........

We were laughing so hard......

@Decadian

"The I dont know why he does it, but you dont deserve it" approach/line ... can be very good ... I have had to say it to my son too.

I wish I had been permitted to have more conversations with my biological daughter ...