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Sleeping too much
8691 replies
In response to: Sleeping too much
SehnsuchtSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
It is insightful to read these honest posts from a parent's perspective.
I really struggle to engage with my mum, not because she gets sad (I always offer hugs), but because she gets vindictive and throws blame on others for the turmoil she experiences. She is so unaware of her irrational mind it is really hard to engage without getting hurt. So impromptu conversations are hard, I am guilty of only really talking to her at times when I set aside time to be free to burden some of her pain.
So when my life gets busy or I am feeling overwhelmed myself, those are not times I can converse with her. It is not that I don't care or am angry at her, I just need to be proactive and not go there when I am too tired and exhasuted myself, as it leads too easily to a hurtful back and forth. So it is for her as much as me.
She helicoptered so much more before my acute episode, and she dropped so much of it away, gave trust in me and cut so many strings to enable my freedoms. I am so grateful for that, and I know it still hurts, but in the grander scheme of things our relationship is far closer than it would be if she hadn't. It hurts to know I hurt her this way, but I remind myself there at least is no resentment this way at my end. I cannot know for her. I like to hope that my happiness at the experiences I've gained since she let go, are enjoyed by her too.
But reading the other perspectives now, is a reminder to maybe make more use of my ok head space time, for family. No matter the hurts and slights, family is important. We've travelles together through so much, there is so much that is only shared between family.
I really struggle to engage with my mum, not because she gets sad (I always offer hugs), but because she gets vindictive and throws blame on others for the turmoil she experiences. She is so unaware of her irrational mind it is really hard to engage without getting hurt. So impromptu conversations are hard, I am guilty of only really talking to her at times when I set aside time to be free to burden some of her pain.
So when my life gets busy or I am feeling overwhelmed myself, those are not times I can converse with her. It is not that I don't care or am angry at her, I just need to be proactive and not go there when I am too tired and exhasuted myself, as it leads too easily to a hurtful back and forth. So it is for her as much as me.
She helicoptered so much more before my acute episode, and she dropped so much of it away, gave trust in me and cut so many strings to enable my freedoms. I am so grateful for that, and I know it still hurts, but in the grander scheme of things our relationship is far closer than it would be if she hadn't. It hurts to know I hurt her this way, but I remind myself there at least is no resentment this way at my end. I cannot know for her. I like to hope that my happiness at the experiences I've gained since she let go, are enjoyed by her too.
But reading the other perspectives now, is a reminder to maybe make more use of my ok head space time, for family. No matter the hurts and slights, family is important. We've travelles together through so much, there is so much that is only shared between family.
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
DecadianSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
I understand @Sehnsucht
My mother was abusive and vindictive too - and I had to walk away - and sometimes not see my family for years - in fact - for 2.5 years until just before she died I didn't see her at all - I refused to listen to any more of her mouth and when she snarled at me to leave - I left and gave her what she wanted
I could not face her unless I was in control of myself - and there are times when I am emotionally fragile - and that is down to PTSD - but why go and look for abuse - I can beat myself up in private should I so choose
Your relationship with your mother sounds complex - I found I did not respond to my mother verbally often - I learned young that if I was in the right I didn't need to argue - if I was wrong I couldn't afford to and dad told me this - it's hard to keep it all inside when I know I never caused it
But you are doing it differently - but there is one thing - families vary - blood is thicker than water but it's stickier too - and now I see my siblings only at family funerals - and we will still be having more of them - we have a lot of elderly people left.
But there is so much I can never share with mine
But - on the generations coming behind me - I get on with them -
Great thoughts though - and great feedback
Decadian
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
did it again, woke 7.30, too cold at -2° so back under the covers reading but woke at 1pm. Another day lost. At least i did wake before 9am. Must refrain from going back to bed.
Sometimes feel like an 85yo trapped in fer nursing home room, neglected by family, just waiting to die. Hope the people around them & activities are more kind than my 4walls. Yes, I know its my responsibility to change it, and I'm working on it..
Since updating my antidepressants recently my daughter (now in spirit) isn't talking to me as much. I don't want this. It seems to diminish much spiritual perception, the good with the bad. Anyone else struggle with this? It challenges my much needed faith. Think I'll cut back once this cancer scare is over, along with facing the abusive 'x' at my sons uni grad & winter passes. Though they have levelled out the mood swings, crying less, settled anxiety, paranoia & overall distress. What to do?
Maybe i can try to replace the daily antidepressant with walking an hour or something - hard work.
Sometimes feel like an 85yo trapped in fer nursing home room, neglected by family, just waiting to die. Hope the people around them & activities are more kind than my 4walls. Yes, I know its my responsibility to change it, and I'm working on it..
Since updating my antidepressants recently my daughter (now in spirit) isn't talking to me as much. I don't want this. It seems to diminish much spiritual perception, the good with the bad. Anyone else struggle with this? It challenges my much needed faith. Think I'll cut back once this cancer scare is over, along with facing the abusive 'x' at my sons uni grad & winter passes. Though they have levelled out the mood swings, crying less, settled anxiety, paranoia & overall distress. What to do?
Maybe i can try to replace the daily antidepressant with walking an hour or something - hard work.
In response to: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Hey @Former-Member
Hard work, yes, but it sounds like that would be good for you ...
Maybe you could get a walking group going in your church group, and make it a social thing as well ...... ?
💗🌷
Hard work, yes, but it sounds like that would be good for you ...
Maybe you could get a walking group going in your church group, and make it a social thing as well ...... ?
💗🌷
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
😥 ...... ❤️💜💗
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Beautiful! thank you F&H 🌹
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
You know, being paralysed in bed, or at least locked in at home (inertia), is the only sure way I wont make a mess of things or be hurt. And if expire like tgat it will matter less too. Do Have psychologist apt in 2wks - hope we get time to cover some of this stuff for a change. If i remember. I seem to switch & become someone else when i'm out, forget stuff. Betta go sleep. Al least i've stopped crying now. Thanks for helping me get it out her tonight.
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
@Former-Member
Depression, fear, grief, anxiety, anger, hatred, distress ...... all these things immobilize us and steal not only our joy, but also our energy and our love - the three things that are at the centre of faith, and what makes us powerful as faith-filled beings .......
When we have been immobilised this way, and it is hard to see through brain-fog and heart-fog, and hope-fog to make our way out of this state, the antidotes to reach for are the exact opposites ......
Start with distraction - this breaks the cycle of despair which is totally inward-looking and refocuses us to look outwards.
Try to put helping someone else in your view - because that gives you a target focus - like cooking something for someone else who you know is in need, or taking them flowers - bought or picked - if you can. Chatting here to someone who is struggling with kind words is the same thing.
If you can't do that, seek natural beauty, even if it is sitting at the window and looking at the movements of clouds, or water droplets on the window pane, or the trees blowing around, or what the sunshine is touching on, if that is the weather today. Take a walk with Claypan.
List the opposites of the negative "dementors" - these are your antidotes, your re-empowerment, even if you start with the barest drop of them, just reach for them anyway. They are the more powerful entities ......
iHope s the opposite of depression.
Thankfulness is the opposite of despair.
Exertion is the opposite of inertia.
Courage is the opposite of fear.
Joy is the opposite of grief.
Trust is the opposite of anxiety.
Peace is the opposite of anger.
Love is the opposite of hatred.
Happiness is the opposite of distress.
If you can't do much in the moment to increase these antidotes in your own life, offer something towards increasing them in the lives of others around you, exactly as you have been here on the forums, and the flow-on effect will influence you anyway .....
❤️💜💗
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Wow, @Faith-and-Hope, that's quite a list.
Thank you for writing it all. Definitely food for thought. So I've written it out & stuck it to my pondering wall. For deeper thought.
It reminds me of a quote, another angle:
Sow a thought
reap an action
sow an action
reap a habit
sow a habit
reap a
character
Really need to work on my character, habits, actions & thoughts. Gets exhausting just thinking about it.
How can i get this far in life and not have it together? I think maybe I am broken, or carrying much more than i was designed to (not just the extra 40kg), but just have to keep getting myself up. Hmm. Not 'sleep too much'
You also remind me of many ancient bible verses like:
"Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love is poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us" (Rom5). And;
"Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think on these things" (Phil4). And,
"A man of God must pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness" (1Tim 6). And
"The 'fruit of the Holy Spirit - "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..." (Gal 5.22)
Its all there in scripture, (words, words, words), but people, even many pockets of the body of Christ, forget that the outworking of these Godly traits are in 'community' & not just 2hrs Sunday.
I can't seem to find a 'purpose' any more (something i can cope with giving) in any 'group' or community in the flesh. For years I was a church musician, often leading worship but i burned out (more than once), which is perceived as sin or falling away & i get discarded or run away. I get told to 'go do this or that... but i'm tired of working alone, i need community, dare i say it - support. The company of others. Genuine belonging.
My little home group church community (40km away) are distant. They remind me constantly they are 'busy' when I ask if i can visit. One visits me here, in spits & spurts. Most of them have trouble 'receiving' from me. Don't think i deserve that. I don't feel in the click or good enough but never really know if its 'blackdog' talking, so i keep going back & try, cause i need to.
They do seem to already have everything without me, and enough friends, the little i have to offer seems to go unnoticed or unwanted. Accept for prayer requests, a quiet attendance on Sunday & the occasional food dish.
Betta go, stop thinking out loud 😕
Thank you for writing it all. Definitely food for thought. So I've written it out & stuck it to my pondering wall. For deeper thought.
It reminds me of a quote, another angle:
Sow a thought
reap an action
sow an action
reap a habit
sow a habit
reap a
character
Really need to work on my character, habits, actions & thoughts. Gets exhausting just thinking about it.
How can i get this far in life and not have it together? I think maybe I am broken, or carrying much more than i was designed to (not just the extra 40kg), but just have to keep getting myself up. Hmm. Not 'sleep too much'
You also remind me of many ancient bible verses like:
"Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love is poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us" (Rom5). And;
"Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think on these things" (Phil4). And,
"A man of God must pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness" (1Tim 6). And
"The 'fruit of the Holy Spirit - "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..." (Gal 5.22)
Its all there in scripture, (words, words, words), but people, even many pockets of the body of Christ, forget that the outworking of these Godly traits are in 'community' & not just 2hrs Sunday.
I can't seem to find a 'purpose' any more (something i can cope with giving) in any 'group' or community in the flesh. For years I was a church musician, often leading worship but i burned out (more than once), which is perceived as sin or falling away & i get discarded or run away. I get told to 'go do this or that... but i'm tired of working alone, i need community, dare i say it - support. The company of others. Genuine belonging.
My little home group church community (40km away) are distant. They remind me constantly they are 'busy' when I ask if i can visit. One visits me here, in spits & spurts. Most of them have trouble 'receiving' from me. Don't think i deserve that. I don't feel in the click or good enough but never really know if its 'blackdog' talking, so i keep going back & try, cause i need to.
They do seem to already have everything without me, and enough friends, the little i have to offer seems to go unnoticed or unwanted. Accept for prayer requests, a quiet attendance on Sunday & the occasional food dish.
Betta go, stop thinking out loud 😕
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Thanks @Decadian & @Faith-and-Hope, for your comments on the 'might shift thread', appreciate your insights, really I do.. Can't seem to see the forest through the trees with my family, so thanks.
Tears making it hard to type here & I'm having trouble knowing how i feel (such a mixed bag of opposites). Guess I'm a frustrated carer (nurse) now with an empty life that wants to be needed, or have a purpose again, but that mess with them, its so toxic.
@Decadian, just curious how you think my going down (1200km south) to help, actually enables them? Cannot see that. Explain it to me because thats not what i want at all.
Do think a part of mum does hate me. When i was a teenager still sleeping at that house of horrors, i'd often wake with nightmares of mum about to stab me with a huge wooden handled.... Dad actually did threaten me with one once, a 10" b l a d e, in real life l, in my face. He has mellowed since (can't believe i'm reliving this stuff still). So don't handle mums verbal, emotional & psychological abuse (thank God the physical A has dropped away). When i help dad mum gets jealous, or when i suggest things for them that would be good, she seems threatened & flippant & even accuses me of putting her down (no matter how kind i am about it), or scheming to have her carer status removed... Even the brothers have accused me of coming to visit out of guilt these last few visits (last year & the year before for their 80th which i organised & paid for myself), staying a week housekeeping & taxi driving them etc.
They (my blood family) can't seem to see that I'm free now my children are gone & that i might actually need family togetherness myself, (especially with losing my only daughter 2011). Nor can the see that i struggle, and that maybe, maybe I actually care and want to be a blessing tp them as well. It breaks my heart to be misunderstood & slandered this way, when I struggle so much myself to function, to have my hard efforts trampled into the mud. They don't know how to love i think. I see it in dad a bit, behind tge dementia, but even he is scared of upsetting mum. Better stop now. Actually made a decision for me - don't want their drama ruining whats left of my son's mum, for his pending graduation ceremony, so, as bad as it makes me feel, I've decided to 'step up & look after me' for my son. Thanks for the help deciding.
Tears making it hard to type here & I'm having trouble knowing how i feel (such a mixed bag of opposites). Guess I'm a frustrated carer (nurse) now with an empty life that wants to be needed, or have a purpose again, but that mess with them, its so toxic.
@Decadian, just curious how you think my going down (1200km south) to help, actually enables them? Cannot see that. Explain it to me because thats not what i want at all.
Do think a part of mum does hate me. When i was a teenager still sleeping at that house of horrors, i'd often wake with nightmares of mum about to stab me with a huge wooden handled.... Dad actually did threaten me with one once, a 10" b l a d e, in real life l, in my face. He has mellowed since (can't believe i'm reliving this stuff still). So don't handle mums verbal, emotional & psychological abuse (thank God the physical A has dropped away). When i help dad mum gets jealous, or when i suggest things for them that would be good, she seems threatened & flippant & even accuses me of putting her down (no matter how kind i am about it), or scheming to have her carer status removed... Even the brothers have accused me of coming to visit out of guilt these last few visits (last year & the year before for their 80th which i organised & paid for myself), staying a week housekeeping & taxi driving them etc.
They (my blood family) can't seem to see that I'm free now my children are gone & that i might actually need family togetherness myself, (especially with losing my only daughter 2011). Nor can the see that i struggle, and that maybe, maybe I actually care and want to be a blessing tp them as well. It breaks my heart to be misunderstood & slandered this way, when I struggle so much myself to function, to have my hard efforts trampled into the mud. They don't know how to love i think. I see it in dad a bit, behind tge dementia, but even he is scared of upsetting mum. Better stop now. Actually made a decision for me - don't want their drama ruining whats left of my son's mum, for his pending graduation ceremony, so, as bad as it makes me feel, I've decided to 'step up & look after me' for my son. Thanks for the help deciding.
