Sleeping too much

Hi @Former-Member

I did not realise your family lived so far away - that is a good thing - that they are so far away

How would your going there enable them? Well - right now they are all tied up with their own whatevers - and if you go there to rescue them they will continue and expect you to go back again and again and...

But you are past all of that

I have scars where my mother abused me - for many years I kept away from the toxic sister, alcoholic brother, sabre-tongued mother but Dad wanted me back and the rest behaved when he was around

But since he died - ah - it's all on again - and it will if continue while I go there

But yours are safely in another state

Sorry I thought wrongly - I guess your lot will continue regardless - what fun for them

And you have enough happening - and are we all not scarred in more ways than one

Decadian

I read it again @Former-Member

I dunno if your mother hates you in some secret way - or if mine hated me - she has gone now too

The stuff I have remembered since she died - I can so related to what you said -

People were terrified of upsetting my mother too - and don't upset people was the theme

But I often think - I had my revenge without any complience, thought, intention or blame

I was born 2 weeks late in the middle of WW2 and the middle of winter - and there were celebrations during that time - and I think I knew what was going on out there and stayed where I was for as long as possible

Suddenly I am tired - I am glad you got all that out - we are not alone - this I am learning well here

Decadian

@Decadian

Gee your mum sounds so much like mine!!

I have tears reading your post. I feel for you so much because I know how it feels to have a vindictive and controlling mother. I know it first hand.

I so wish I could have contact with mine but they have lost my trust in them; i have no love in them at the moment; i could go on and on but i won't - it's not my post.

Oh @Former-Member I feel for you so much, just read your post and i have tears.

I so get it with families especially mothers. Mine are the same, no contact, no love, no support, no nothing.

It hurts, it hurts a lot but do i want to go back to them right now - no way i can't, i don't want to be verbally abused again by my mum. i am not in a good frame of mind to be abused or yelled at again.

As @Faith-and-Hope you have friends here who will support you and do care for you

Sending you a big hug xxxooo

take care

Hey @Former-Member

Things have been pretty full-on emotionally for a while. Maybe just put it down to your nerves being a bit frayed, and get some good rest tonight .... just "park it" here and see how you pull up in the morning ......

You have certainly been very loaded with trauma, both your own and by the community trauma of what you described yesterday (on another thread I think) about a school incident ..... or at least an incident involving a school teacher ...... and yes, there is only so much loading the body can take .....

I am guessing you are still grieving for your girl too, still processing, so adding more grief via dystunctional family who don't appreciate your true feelings and efforts to care for them, is not doing you any good either. You need love, and rest, and care, and respect, which you will be finding through your community service efforts, such as for this widow tomorrow.

See how you feel in the morning. Tomorrow is another day.

If it is still playing on your mind, maybe make an appointment with your doctor and have a chat about it. You may have just been a bit spooked in the moment, on the back end of emotional distress, and your body decided to take it's own "time out". There is likely to be a reasonable explanation behind it all. See how you go.

I had a totally spooked feeling at a beach once ...... I was much younger and had turned up there with my husband to show him ..... but when we got out of the car, the closer I walked to the beach, the more and more spooked I became until I froze and refused to take a step further. We turned around and left, and I couldn't relax again until we were well away from there. To this day, I don't know what that was .....

Maybe there was something about that particular woman's tread today, her gait, her footsteps, that triggered some sort of childhood memory ...... something like that ..... and now she has been and gone it might be okay.

Try to rest and revisit it in the morning, but don't over-think it and keep yourself up all night ..... it's probabaly something simple like that which will pass on its own.

Hugs @Former-Member. I'm heading off to bed now .....

💗🌷🌸

G'night @Former-Member 😘