Sleeping too much

Club ??who says this?? Very kool.

Night night all......back in bed again......Arlo saw a groomer and he's looking very sophistocated these days....when I have time, I'lle post new photos of him.

Arlo is me dog....

Night all

apologies, @Former-Member

Like very much your messages. They help me a lot.

It is very rare for my oldest son to call me, I try and call and I send greeting cards to him. He wouldnt tell me where he lived last year but I got his address this year. I havent seen my oldest son for about 2 years. When my oldest son went to live with my brother when he was 16, I felt that my world was going to crumble.

For about 5 years I sent him over heaps of gifts. Then, my work had to stop because of my MI and also, he would communicate !! I did hear from him....I think Easter and he told me that he loves me and I asked him to asend my hubby a text for his birthday and he did.

I'lle write again tomorrow @Former-Member

Nighty night,

PP

@Former-Member She might be having a go at me more than you .. I am so over other women's scrutiny of my mother story. Atlast this new counsellor is prepared tolet me talk about it ... The whole good mother-bad mother thing is a trigger for me as I accepted care from Protective Services of a 6 week old and my caring was monitored etc etc etc etc etc .. and then had another bub before I really knew what hit me ... whilst everyone around me was dying. My ex was big on first born's mum being a bad mum and then after I helped him get custody and was vulnerable, without support and work and didnt even know I was an evil stepparent. I very gradually became "bad mum". I was never going to be enough ... even when I was.

De Botton's School of Life explains it very well through discussions of Melanie Klein and the actual importance of ambivalence. We all have to get over the fact our mothers are people.

I felt I had to at least give my biological children some understanding of good and bad in personal choice making, as ex was very permissive and allowed oldest to rule roost ... I was never allowed to be alone with my biological daughter but constantly measured for favouritsm issues.

I was a bloody good mum to both those girls @PeppiPatty not perfect but everywhere I go I still am shocked at how rough and agro many mothers speak to their children ... and its acceptable ... as a piano teacher my parents told me I was too precious with kids .. The oldest always took more of my pie than my own girl who tried to care for me ... but it was too too much to expect ... I should have been given the dignity of MI hospitalisation but I was too bloody useful doing what I was doing. The oldest, a step got a better deal than my own daughter ... so i will always forgive her rejection ... she never had the opportunity to relate to me properly, but it is not an accurate reflection of who I am.

My GP said there was something wrong in her to reject me ... I didnt want to hear that at all and jumped to her defence.

Thanks for saying I was a pure soul ... @Former-MemberI actually really tried to be very pure in my devotion to my husband and all 3 children ... put all my heart, knowledge and physical effort into it ... but it became very obvious that the situation was skewed against me and in order to survive at all ... I had to leave in absolute tatters ... and am amazed I have lasted so long and have some quality of life.

I was a naive to get embroiled ... more than just fingers burnt, but I could not turn away a child in need, when directly asked. When she was clearly no longer "in need" I actually feel quite ethical in my detaching. I did it in the way to least rock the boat for all of them ... 3 separate households ... they got overseas trips and extended family connections ... I owed it to my biological children to survive ... more odd deaths would have been disastrous. My biological daughter then went into independent overdrive ... in many ways she is a chip off this old block ... and I am very proud of her .... but @PeppiPatty I actually dont think I should take any more abuse from either of them ... I am sick of being a punching bag. My son showed me a NZ movie about 2 teens mu rdering one's mother ... that was his interpretation of his sisters' behaviour.

Sorry about the slab of text.

DEAR @TAWNEY

Hello....good morning

I can see that it's not just @Faith-and-Hope lying flowers in her path. I love flowers on my table........ but....just too expensive to buy all the time. I'm pondering......the thought of silk?

Yes, I think of my oldest son all the time. I know he's going through a twisty time with his MI but he refuses to use medication and ....... he will probably crash soon and end up back in hospital. The cash situation is .......a lot more breathable now my hubby has quit smoking.

I'm married to my childhood sweetheart, we got married over 5 years ago.......after 3 years.....after I had placed a VRO on him, he chose to move in with his Father and quit illegal substanses and alcoholic drinking. There is a lot of love but he has a diagnosis at 19 of chronic paranoid schizophrenia and is at last at the tail end of his own anger journey. He has very little anger left in him.

After many years...about 9 years of apologising to oldest son for some wrongs I did .... a huge amount of abuse came out what my sons have endured with their Father. It has been a journey. Both my sons are angry and they do things that are not good for them.

It feels like your son is doing his best.....I don't want to sound like I know what your going through @Former-Member but it does feel that he's processing some stuff and he will be back.....

For about 7 years, I was always abie to go and visit my son......but now, no more. I dont understand why the Government ca'nt do anything like subsidize a flight or something.......I'm very fortunate that hehas been telling me in his last cal..... back in Eeaster that he misses me.

@Appleblossom @Mazarita etc, have known each other for about 12 or 18 months. I can't help but get quite emotional with @Appleblossom s story.

Hi @Appleblossom@Former-Member@PeppiPatty

And anyone else

What we suffer because we are mothers - I doubt anyone in my generation was prepared for motherhood - and certainly not my mother - we are pitched in at the deep end and left to sink or swim when the probability is that we somehow stay afloat with all these new emotions and the changes to our bodies and the often unexpected work load - and the BABY - my stars - in the middle of the chaos and wet laundry there is a BABY - omstars - sometimes more than one

I saw how hard my mother worked - I did not mind the work - but the BABY - arrrrk - what did I do about the baby - mine was adopted and probably addicted to something - 2 weeks old and had that high-pitched squeal and he shook - and cried for hours on end then tried to suck the bottom out of his bottle and then to sleep for hours from exhaustion to start again

And the doctor told me that some babies give the whole family hell for weeks - sometimes months - and guess what I found in this website

Wow - other mothers who have had it all for years - decades - I am not alone - I walked in the wilderness of motherhood alone - and this was not a normal child - and you girls all know there are babies/children/adults who are our sons and/or daughters who are not normal

Cause after a prem birth I brought home number 2 and this one was in hospital for nearly a month and fitted into the family as if she had been there all her life - and she had - she knew us all - and was so socialable she didn't sleep much - or drink much either - failed to thrive - but hey - she belonged to us and we belonged to her and I was so thrilled with this happy little baby - I still am - even if she is a bit remote at times

So I was going to reply to everyone here - but I think I have just added to the pot - it's hard work to have a baby - babies - children - and mothers seem to have to carry the can when things go wrong

I know being adopted destroyed my son - I couldn't help him - I could love him and I think he loved me too - but we never bonded - I did my best

And ladies - with whatever happened in your lives - believe me - I believe we all do our best - and I care about all of you and I thank God for you. I can talk to you all honestly about your kids cause I have been there

And now society provides more for young families - esp young mothers - than ever before - and this is good

How I wish I had help in the past - but it wasn't there - and I have to hold fast to that - I was alone - and how many of you were alone too -

And except for other people like ourselves - are we all not alone too

At least we have each other

Decadian

Good morning @Former-Member @PeppiPatty @Appleblossom and anyone else who is here ..... 😊

Well, I have survived the big fat Greek 18th ❣

We had a good two days of ❎✅❎✅❎✅ ....... we don't seem to be able to do anything much without it ...... but everything came together well enough in the end, and what didn't go to plan, we just fudged it a bit and got through. The thing is, because you have planned things a certain way, it's only really you who knows that they haven't quite worked out that way, because nobody else knows how the plans were supposed to work out, and they just accept what is ....... and it was lovely ...... and D3 and her friends danced their feet off, then crashed out in the lounge room where they will probably surface later and have cake for breakfast ❣

d.i.l. didn't manage the night tho ........ she came with S1, then they left within about half an hour ..... but he came back later and stayed for the rest of the evening. I can't really do or say much to help her. I don't think she feels badly towards me, but I do know she has her own mother-issues wrapped up in there and locks me out ....... for whatever her pain-fuelled reasons ....... and I can't trespass on her inner world. Just light candles and pray for her ........ and for S2. I know it is very hard for both of them at the moment.

@Former-Member @Appleblossom your day is sounding busy already ...... good for you with the lunch invite @Former-Member it sounds like you're moving forward there ......

Gotta get up and start sorting out ....... lots of cleaning up and sorting out to do. We do "birthday week" I know I have mentioned before, because one day doesn't feel long enough, and sometimes "birthday day" is not a good one, so "birthday week" feels like a better idea. Well here is another better idea ..... I will have a good "clean up after the party week" now ......... I give myself a lot of latitude about things like that these days. No sense in pushing my wagon faster than it can go ........ and I won't get much help from WH.

He had a bit of an episode yesterday, when it looked like the evening was not going to come together on time - there was too much that had gone ❎-shaped and not enough ✅ left in me to pull it together fast enough - so I asked if he could pitch in and help a bit ....... like he used to do ....... when we all pulled together to make these things happen ......

Well !! He went ballistic at me ....... one of those blind-side moments where you can't see it coming ........ saying that he has never pitched in with these things before, and asking me why I expected it of him now, and he had so much other stuff to get done, and he didn't need to explain himself to me, cos he does so much behind the scenes to keep this family going ...... and on he went.

I have learned to do a shut-down in those moments. I'm not going to be able to find him because he has turned into someone else at that point ...... so it's absolutely pointless to argue or try to defend myself at that moment. I just breathed deeply, answered "yes sir, no sir" enough to get off the phone as quickly as possible, had a cry while I was driving to where I had to go ....... D3 had been in the car being dropped off, and she had bailed mid-conversation so I had a good cry and got it out of my system ........

Through conversations with the kids, and one more with WH, it became clear that after he had hung up, he had turned around and pitched in ........ go figure !! ...... and saved the day by doing so ...... !! I just can't dwell on it. There is no rhyme or reason to it, just part of our reality at the moment, and on we go ....... it was just another stark reminder that he's not well.

The evening was beautiful, and some of the guests know our struggles and gave me hugs across the night, as did the kids. Yep, little red wagons have to keep chugging along if they want to get there ....... 🚂🚃🚃🚃 ...... "I think I can, I think I can ......"

❤️

Yes @Faith-and-Hope

With all that going on - you did well - you are still writing to us - this is a good thing

How can one answer all of that? But it's great that you have poured it all out - and I don't feel so bad that my events are anything but Big Fat events - not even mild and polite Anglo-Celtic events

But I texted my daughter yesterday about feeding my cat when I go to Canberra - yes - she is going away for her holidays after I return - but I have a birthday soon and so this year I get taken out to lunch - and I have not seen a birthday cake except where they have highly decorated cakes where I go to the supermarket - and I think I would eat the icing at least if I had one of those

@Faith-and-Hope you talk about mother issues and pain-fueled reasons - I have had a lot of that from my daughter - but I think she loves me - I am sure she does - but there is a deep resentment there - and for a long time now I have left her at arm's length and she is working her way back - that heaven for the text message we send each other in what turn into long cyber convos

I only have one of these people - a generation younger - of my blood - and then a grand-daughter - lots of steps there - I feel they are mine but they have their own grandparents - my son-in-law is a fine man - I respect him and he me I am sure - but then - our own children find reasons - I have found enough in my mother -

Ah well - we survive - I am just glad my D is close enough to come and watch my house for a few days - help me out in chosing accomodation and feeding and caring for my furry companion who is so much more than just a cat.

Well - your Big Fat Greek 18th is over - and you have another big fat week -

All the best with that - and thanks for filling me in on life with a big family

Decadian

ps - I don't like cake - not seeing a birthday cake for years is not really a problem - not hearing Happy Birthday sung to me - is