Sleeping too much

@Decadian Sorry to hear that you were triggered regarding your son. I hope that you are ok?

I'd love to hear you play the piano.

I can imagine that Melbourne weather is freezing. Where I am our winter doesn't get that cold, so I enjoy it. Our days are quite warm, just the nights are cold. It is actually colder in our house, freezing in our house without the fire on, but outside is usually warm when the sun is out.

How was church this morning @Faith-and-Hope? I just got home from shopping, having a cuppa, then I need a rest. It's tiring not sleeping properly. That's great to hear that you are seeing little improvements with your hubby. I hope it continues for you and your family.

Did you make it to church this morning @Former-Member? Is your day going ok?

@Decadian Isnt it weird when our "olds" push us into something then backtrack later?

My mother was so big pushing religion (RC) and church ALL the time .. to a level that was religious mania .. but when I said I was sending my son to a RC school ( about 10 years ago) ... she was cynical ... and was always doubting and criticising me. When I sang with my church choir ... older women who met my mother ... said she was just jealous. I was surprised but then she tried to humilate me with the organist and a priest during Holy Communion (about 5 years ago) ... from then on I realised that my mother was actually an enemy ... I was not PARANOID enough to protect myself and my relationships.

It is very sad what can happen between mother& daughters. (but it still seems to be manipulated that way by men in the equation??)

I realise that it was not about spirituality or me ... it was just "religion that suited her needs" that was good!

I never minded her getting her needs met ... I knew from very young that she was needy and did my best to meet them too. My brother who died also did that for her.

The problem was that she did mind me getting my needs met ... (whether medical, psychological or relationshipwise) I tried to share anything positive I had with her ... but saw me as a threat ... and that was hard-wired in her ... she kept undermining and de-stabilising anything I worked for, achieved, and all my personal relationships. In her last months ... she paraded around that SHE had the respect of my 2 daughters and ex husband ... and they visited and fed her etc ... but that I was not worthy of respect or had any health issues and needs ... so in the end ... I have NOW accepted that she never loved me ... or even saw any of us ... I was only a doll ... to manipulate to get her kids back from the welfare ... because it was HER ROLE and REPUTATION as mother that mattered .. not how we actually were.

I did dirty work motherhood ... but had no power or respect. MOTHERS DAY WAS ONLY ABOUT HER .. NEVER ME. Even though other people occasionally warned me ... I kept making FAMILY the centre point of my life ... brithdays, christmas holidays ... trying to make something that wasnt actually there ..

I guess they were my delusions.

Would it have been different if I had kept the gulf between us and never tried to reconcile ... Dont know ... but the GOOD thing is that regardless of how other people judge my family situations ... I can live with my conscience. There is some freedom in that.

Hi @Former-Member Its lovely how this thread ... has become ... like your drop in corner.

Hope you are good too @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope

@Appleblossom ... Hi 😏💕

Mine has been a different walk to yours entirely .... but gee whiz .... your mum and my MIL sound like twin personalities .... can't imagine for the life of me what my MIL would have done to a daughter if she'd had one .... she sure has been toxic to her DIL's ....

.... But then she grew up under toxic circumstances, and had toxic blood relations, and a toxic marriage .... she really didn't know any other way of being I think ...

While she has improved a lot, she remains damaged and "handle with caution" .... 😒

I am in awe with how you have navigated your way through it all Apple ... and I agree with how you can stand back and see this ..... that you may have left yourself in the firing line with your mother by being unaware of what you were dealing with, but you have salvaged many of your own objectives and outcomes in the process ..... and you know you have achieved those on your own terms .... she can't take that away from you ....

You also know you gave your mother every chance to redeem the relationship. It's not your fault or responsibility for what she chooses to do with that ... as Decadian often says in relation to her mother ....

Hey @Decadian .... I am sorry too to hear that a Dr Phil segment triggered you and you have had some sorrowful days .... it's good to see you getting back into your stride .... 💜🌷

Had a quiet day.

I did not make church today ... tho I did pop in on Thursday ... the priests & organists "noticed" me... Then yesterday it was a memorial service for an atheist in the basement hall of the monastery???

A lot of people do going theough the motions ... in all sorts of ways ..

Yep re exercise ...we all might need to resurrect @MoonGal's exercise thread ... not sure what it was called ...

@Appleblossom Sorry to hear how your mum was/is towards you, very sad. Hugs to you.

You've had a busy day @Former-Member. Sounds like you had an awful night, like me, last night. Tiring, isn't it? I went shopping again today, tried to rest this afternoon, couldn't relax, so went for a walk. Cooked dinner and now relaxing with a cuppa. Earl Grey, need something sweet though.

@Decadian I often can't watch Dr Phil either, triggers things, not worth it. I try to watch happy shows. I hope you are ok after being triggered.

Thanks @Former-Member and others

There will always be triggers - it was painful on his anniverary when I woke up in the morning - hundreds of miles from home - and then two days later - really bad migraine

This time it was Dr Phil - another time it will be something else - I can't avoid these issues because I would not go there if I was aware

However - my favourite programmes are docos - I am watching one atm - about Shakespeare - this is fascinating - and I like reading Shakespeare -

But thanks - this page has so much on it I am going to have to answer several things separately

Decadian

@Decadian@Former-Member@Former-Member@Former-Member@Appleblossom

When we are born, we cry - that we are come to this great stage of fools!

King Lear, Act 4, scn 6

Hi @Appleblossom @Faith-and-Hope

I don't think I could ever write what my mother did - the repressed memories that came up at her funeral that were strong enough to cause me to faint - and also the release of those memories took my childhood terror of my mother away - she was a pitiful and co-dependent person who believe that she was 100% right and I was a terrible threat to her - I have an idea that my spirit was too much to be inside her body but somehow I knew it was winter and there was a war out there and I was staying where I was for as long as I could - and I was two weeks late - so I think I might have won that one

That heaven for the delete key - I can't post what happened - but it seems to me right now that she continued her physical and then emotional abuse because she was afraid of me - and I had enough courage to attack her and then continue and I often wonder how I did that - but the people at Life Line have told me that there are children who attack their abusive parents - and I wonder still - I was one tough little kid - and far too clever for her -

Forgive her - yes - I have done that - I do not want to carry her stuff around any more - it was a long time that I had this lump in my chest that cause me so much tension - and now it is gone and I am just it has - and my mother has gone and whatever happens to people happened to her - I don't believe she ever got away free from what she did to me

But everyone has to walk their own path - people have to deal with their memories in whatever way they can - I am just glad I don't have to judge anyone's actions - I know what my mother did was wrong - but that is her actions. I can find explanations for her behaviour - but as for her - I think she suffered enough - I really do - and I don't have to add to it - and holding it against her now only burdens me

But hey - this has been hard - I guess I do not want to be like her -

Some of us have these people in our lives - we cannot change them - and it's their actions that can be forgiven - the person - that is up to God - not me - thank God for that

Decadian