Grace01Senior Contributor
Can I please share what's going on with my husband - (possible BPD)
So thanks to Mazarita for encouraging me to come to this side of the forums.
I know diagnoses cannot be made here but I wanted to share what has been going for my husband. He separated from me 7 weeks ago, quite unexpectedly. He told me to check the washing outside and when I came back he had gone!! I phoned him and he told me he couldn't do marriage anymore and wanted to be selfish and fulfill his dreams. He is the world's least selfish person. We have had a lot of grief and loss in our lives (my mum passed away October 2015) . Long story short, he has started a new life with possibly planning in March 2016 without me knowing. He is a rather "excitable person" who took up art in 2003 and he is brilliant artist. He is always a dreamer with big plans, plenty of energy, eats fast, talks fast, walks fast....and doesn't need a lot of sleep! Everything I am not!! Sometimes starts projects and doesn't finish them and sometimes goes into big plan that don't do so well. Has had some minor depression(nothing serious) Had a great job and is a terrific worker. Works at one hundred miles an hour.
Put on a lot of weight(possibly due to overeating) but started exercising like crazy this year. He was running excessively and weighing himself constantly. Concrned about appearance as well and bald spot(shaved his head) I guess typical MID LIFE crisis stuff. But one morning woke early to run and saw something happening in our street and phoned crimestoppers thinking neighbours had been murdered..
IN March he went on dating site(has not told me but I found it in on computer) and met a lady in another country. Went to meet up with her in April(It was my birthday). Stayed overseas for five days. Came back(he is currently living with his mum who has some major mental health issues).
Quit his long-standing job, took out lots of loans/credit cards, gambling again,and has gone to Japan in hope of starting a new life. Told me I had been a good wife and he gave me a rating of 97percent.
Doesn't seem to have any concept or understanding of what i am going through and an expectancy for me to accept all of this (with ease). Became irritable over last few weeks. WE had a good marriage, we are good friends..of course, we have the ups and downa like others have. He always wanted to travel and I was apprehensive about flying. So it looks like he has had to find someone else in another country. He has been applying for any type of job online (in Japan) and gets desperate and frustrated when they don't accept him because he can't speak Japanese or have any type of visa yet. He replies to their rejections with a photograph of himself or his new partner.
He sent emails to family members and people at work to tell them he has a new partner. when people looked up to him and our marriage of nearly 18 years. We were always respected.
Shaved his head, grew a beard as well. i also noticed he was receiving photos from a girl he worked with. I have not seen this side of my husband before. He isn't particularly flirty but when I had the garage sales for my mum, he was interested in talking with some of the young women and i caught him trying to sell my mum's house to some people. Very jumpy and agitated at the time.
Never ever dreamed he would do something so spontaneous and erratic...although I know people going through mid-life crisis can do things like this
He told me he was going to Japan to paint but didn't mention the girl. He said he had picked two countries - it was either France or Japan and looked like Japan won as he said it was too dangerous to go to France.
It appears that he does plan a lot and thinks about things intensely..and often obsessional.
His mum had many many relationships in her lifetime so maybe this is a learnt thing.
We are both christians and we hold to our marriage vows but it seems like these are not imporant now. My husband blames me for a lot of things that have caused him to do this.
He did this last year..he told me he was going to work, kissed me goodbye but he was on holidays and driving to another town. He sent me a series of text messages and emails with instructions in what I had to do. He went through a lot of money but came back when I persuaded him to do so.
This may be just a man wanting to start a new life, but it seems he doesnt have any care for the home we have put together, his garden, his vegetables and his
