Looking for advice

I don't feel well psychologically. I am alone in the world and I am sad. I would like to have a friend or someone to spend time with but my recent efforts have apparently not worked. Five of the seven social events I have organised in the past ten weeks have not proceeded because for six of them no-one expressed interest in attending or those who did so then withdrew with too short notice for me to organise other activities. They are advertised to hundreds of people. When I have asked to attend other social activities I have been declined. I don't understand society. Why do people act this way? Today I called a mental health line but I was unable to speak with someone because the queue was too long. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Hey @P12, thank you for sharing your thoughts with the community!

Sounds like you have been going through a tough time for a while and finding it challenging. It's definitely hard to make friends as an adult and I have had my fair share of challenges too.

The Forums are a great place to meet like-minded people and share your thoughts and feelings. I encourage you to continue to share your experiences with your peers. It's a great place to make meaningful connections with other people.

I'm curious about what platform you used to create and attend events. I have used Meetup myself and found that was generally ok to attend events.

Thanks again for sharing with the community!

Take care

RiverSeal

Hi @RiverSeal

Thank you for providing me some support.

My constructive feedback is:

The problem I encounter with this forum is that it is impossible to physically meet anyone. It requires intellectual effort to imagine the person with whom I am communicating, which often contributes to my psychological distress.

I advertise my events through a combination of a recreation club and a Meetup group. I have attended roughly two hundred Meetup events, of which I estimate I have organised at least half and I am the owner of a group. My experience is that attendance has noticeably reduced in the past 18-24 months. Some people I have spoken with cite the rising cost of owning a group (at least $380 per year). Others cite the type of attendees (roughly 30-50% do not show on the day, and of those who do there is a high proportion of short term residents or attendees of a different generational demographic.)

Hey @P12 ,

Thank you for sharing. You are right in saying it is impossible to meet people from the forums. And maybe that is the point of these forums. I guess the type of service you use depends on what you are looking for.

For me, these forums were great in that I DIDN'T have to meet anyone physically in order to connect. The fact that these forums are anonymous makes it even better because I don't need people to know who I am in real life.

And yes, sometimes, the person you imagine people to be can be totally different! And in a way, for me, that's okay because I have no intention of meeting anyone.

I really hope you find the service that works for you and it doesn't add to your psychological distress. I can see you are putting in a lot of effort to connect with people.

All the best.

I just wanted to share that today I cried for the first time in a few months. So I think I am feeling sad.

Here with you @P12 crying can be a really useful release, how are you feeling afterwards?

Hi Ru-bee, I feel a mixture of nervousness, fear, and sadness.

Hey @P12 is that nervousness and fear related to crying for the first time in a long time, or are there other things coming up for you at the moment?

Hi Ru-bee,

I think my nervousness and fear have occurred because crying is a highly emotional event and afterwards my body's senses and emotions are elevated.

I think my largest immediate challenge is that my work is having a disproportional effect on my well-being. I was told that I can either try to advocate for my needs or obtain a different job. However, these haven't worked so well. I feel that my employer is mostly dismissive or unable to accommodate my needs. When I have tried to find roles that are more suited to me they apparently don't exist or are too few to obtain.

I am also trying to achieve other goals: obtaining confidence, making a friend, reducing my pyschological distress, and making a contribution to the world of which I am proud. I have been trying to make sense of these with the help of mental health and illness professionals for approximately nine years. But I am still trying. The most significant progress I have made is the apparent diagnosis of being fundamentally different to other people, which does not have a cure or proven method of achieving my goals. This contributes to my feelings of helplessness, sadness, afraidness, stress, anxiety, and other feelings and actions.

Two weeks ago another person and I agreed to meet today. Late yesterday evening they sent me a message saying they had other plans and asked if we could change our plans. We agreed on an alternative time on the same day. I went to the meeting place at the meeting time and sent them a message. Half an hour later they replied to say they were still at their other event. I walked home feeling disappointed because I feel what happened to me was not fair. Would you say my feelings are justified?

For some people this might be a simple question, though I understand I have autism spectrum disorder and therefore my understanding of social phenomena is different to the majority of people. I would be interested to hear others' perspectives.