Looking for advice

Hey there @P12 ,

I'm hearing you.

There is so much to unpack in what you have shared.

I read that you feel the 8 years of treatment may not be 'successful'. What does success look like for you?

At the same time, I read that you feel you may not be understanding the method being used. Has there been a review of your sessions in terms of how you think things are going?

Eight years is a long time. I can hear how disheartening it can be.

While this may be the case, can you recall times when things HAVE improved somewhat?

I'm interested in understand a bit more if you are open to it.

My goals are:

- To be confident.

- To be independent.

- To make a friend.

- To make a contribution to society of which I am proud.

- To eliminate psychological distress.

I think I would feel successful if I could achieve these goals. I so far my biggest achievement is being formally diagnosed with a life long disorder, but I honestly don't know how it helps.

I estimate I have attended roughly seventy meetings with practitioners, twenty three with clinical psychologists. I have met my current psychologist eleven times in twenty months. I explain my difficulties as best I can and she tries to explain the principles of the treatment method but I am sorry I am still confused. She has recommended I might be better suited to a different person for the past six months. I meet my GP every six visits to obtain a new Mental Health Care Plan. I guess it will continue indefinitely for years.

My perception is that I am still on the upwards curve of psychological distress. I guess I need to wait for more than half of my life to be over before I start to feel better. Based on an average life expectancy, that is more than a decade away.

What I found for me is that sometimes it's good to have a break. It allowed me to fumble around a little and this made me utilise the skills I'd gleaned all those years.

Otherwise, I was finding I was leaning too heavily on therapists.

Also, a change in therapist may provide fresh insight.

Have you raised this with your therapist? In that you feel you are none the better? @P12

Thanks for your suggestions, Tyme.

I think the idea of taking a break is similar to some of the principles of the treatment method used by my current psychologist, acceptance and commitment theory. When I think about it with great focus I can almost see its theoretical basis, but I am not sure it makes practical sense to me. This is not to say that it isn't valid, just that I have trouble understanding it. The trouble I have with the view is a) Is it ethical or legal? And therefore what justification is there for doing something unethical or illegal? b) Does it not require greater cognitive effort for less gain than the alternative approach? And therefore is not the alternative approach better?

Yes, I have tried to ask my practitioners for help. It seems I am still trying to improve after eight years. I guess I am sadly slower at understanding social situations than almost every person I have met. I don't understand why society has such control over the world. The natural world is far more friendly to me.

You know what @P12 ?

I had therapy for a long time and nothing moved or changed until it was the right time.

I don't know when the right time is for you. But you've mentioned that the natural world is much kinder to you.

What do you think will be helpful for now?

Do you think it is about having a break and going back to therapy later? Do you think it is about continuing until something works?

You know your situation best.

I believe in continuing to try to achieve my goals despite the obstacles I face. Of course if I knew a better method than the one I am currently using I think I would use it. I guess I believe that my method is best. I can understand why some people might like to have a break but I don't want to do that at the moment. As you mentioned I can at least hope that in the future I can understand what I am experiencing.

That's powerful @P12

I stand with you

Two days ago, while I was walking along a street in my city, I unexpectedly met a group handing out brochures and gifts and advocating for some beliefs. I recognised one person from a social group I have attended for the past two years, though I know her only slightly. When a couple of the group offered to speak and share gifts with me, I politely declined and continued walking because I had plans and I thought I would not be interested in what they had to say or offer.

Later in the day I realised that the group shared one of my values and that I probably would have enjoyed speaking with them for longer than I did and accepting one of their gifts. I felt a bit ashamed at myself because I was seemingly prejudiced and disappointed at myself because now I rue my missed opportunity for connection.

This type of situation occurs to me more often than I would like. I seem to be slow at understanding social situations, interpreting cues and signs in the moment, and I can only do so after I analyse a situation after it is apparently too late. I also sometimes seem to have difficulty keeping an open mind. It is perhaps one of the main subjects and questions described in my first post in this thread, five years ago.

Is there any meaning to my predicament and has anyone found a way to become more effective in it?

This experience sounds just like many that I've had @P12

I often find myself to be very guarded in certain situations, particularly when I'm out and about and by myself. I might turn down interactions or information about things that I actually could be interested in only to wonder why later on when I reflect on it. I think that for me it comes down to my shy nature and fearing having an uncomfortable social interaction, as well as being socialised to be wary of others, particularly as a woman - I've learned to keep a bit of a distance between myself and others when I'm out by myself as a bit of a defensive measure whether or not it is needed in that moment.

I wonder if you could relate to either of these reasons, or do you feel like this predicament has come from a different place for you?

Hi @Ru-bee

I think I agree that it is a form of social anxiety. In my experience it is caused by past experiences and beliefs. I recall situations in both my childhood and adulthood when I have been actively criticised or excluded by peers and superiors as a result of my actions. When I think about them I can understand the reactions of my peers and superiors, but ultimately I think they are unjustified because I feel I was behaving naturally. It is just that my natural behaviours are different to the majority of the population. I think my mind assesses that the negative consequences of these situations outweigh the positive consequences, and that it is therefore naturally safer to avoid similar outcomes in the future. I think the challenge is in questioning whether my beliefs are helpful.