Can’t take this hurt anymore

Hi @Zoe7 thanks for checking in. I’ve been a bit of a sloth today, I can’t find motivation to do anything. Anxiety was extreme this morning but I ended up having a panic attack and massive cry, I’m just jittery now so not as bad as I was this morning. A bit head achey this afternoon and feeling washed out. I’ve been trying not to think about what has been going on, but it hits me in waves and I get teary again. I can’t see any way of fixing this, the more I think about it the more hurt I feel, the more I try to ignore it, the worse I feel. I can’t cope with any of it, I can’t see any happy ending here

Sadly @Razzle all I can see is that you need to take a back seat for now because the increasing pressure you are placing on yourself is not healthy for you. This is not a situation that you are going to be able to fix when there is such opposition in your way. It is important that you keep those lines of communiction with your son open and get updates from him with how everything is going. But he also needs to be honest with you about how he is feeling in all this as well - he has the right to have a relationship with you and his child and there should not be these barriers in his way. If one of his own fears is that he will lose his child in all this then there are avenues for him to make sure he doesn't. If infact he is happy with the relationship he has with his girlfriend and wants to stay in the situation he is then he also needs to be able to voice his opinions about the relationship he needs to have with you and that he wants that for his child as well. It does seem like you son needs to stand up for what he wants also in all this and have the courage to stand his ground and fight for what that is.

@Zoe7 I agree with everything you said. I can’t even begin to imagine the pressure my son must be under, and that upsets and scares me too.

I don’t know what I’m doing here, I don’t know what to do to help him or myself. I can’t believe how the other family can be this cruel. I’m so sick and tired and angry that people like this exist in the world. I’m stressed out of my brain and these people wouldn’t even be batting an eye lid. I’m so over evil people always getting away with it.

I totally agree withyou on your views here @Razzle There are some really nasty people in this world that do not care what impact their actions have on others and even worse they know what theym are doing, and the hurt they are csusing, but still do it anyway. The awful thing here for you is that you seemingly have nowhere to go or nothing you can do until your son actually asks for help in dealing with all this negativity himself. He really needs to take the lead here and fight for what he wants. That will not be an easy road though from everything you have described ...but it does ultimately fall on his shoulders. I am sure he understands where you stand in all this and how much it is affecting you but the priority has to be your son and his place in this whole situation. I have no doubt he is feeling very torn and sad also that it is the way it is ...and we can only hope that he finds his voice and can stand up for what he needs here as time goes by.

As a parent I would suspect that you are feeling this loss so much both because of your past experience losing a child and with the hold this family seems to have on your son also. I know you mentioned last night that it feels like you are losing another child through all this but all you can do is hang in there - talk to him when you can and continue to let him know you are there for him - that way you hold onto your relationship and can help when he (hopefully) stands up for his own needs and rights.

This really is not easy Hon - but you also have to work with what you have - your son is the only one who can change the circumstances here and you need to be prepared to back him when he does. I can only imagine how incredibly tough this all is for you though and what an emotional toll it is taking on you - nobody wants to see their child go through anything like this but you also have to take care of yourself too. He will need you to be able to help when he asks for it and that means you have to put aside everything you are feeling to be there for him ...and as difficult as that is it is also necessary to do that calmly and with as least emotion as you can

@Zoe7 I’ll always be here for him, and his little girl. It’s all so unfair

It is unfair @Razzle I can hear your pain and wish it was different for you. All you can do is what you have said - be there for your son and his daughter when you are needed - that woud no doubt mean the world to your son Hon.

thanks @Zoe7 I think I’ll feel better after seeing my councillor. He knows how much I’m left to go it alone, and he usually has a few ideas that I’ve never thought of. He works a lot with couples, individuals and family counselling.

I am really pleased that you have that relationship with your counsellor and that he can often help you @Razzle That is an important support for you Hon.

@RazzleI thought your son would be young. He is a young Dad.It needs to be able to stand up for himself- and not feel threatened that he will be kicked out. Because the way he is being treated will impact him not now but perhaps in the future.That's just a way to control him. The mother wants to interfere in your relationship and if you and your son stay connected they can't do this. Make a time to see your son and if possible your grandbaby.

Talked to your counsellor- could organize with your counsellor to have a family meeting with all parties involved or at least your son and his girlfriend. That way you can talk and I would tell her that you're going to have a relationship with you son and I would do activities with him as much as you can and the same with the grandbaby.

Yeah @Zoe7 he’s been really good. He’s the first person I ever told about my CSA. I could only tell him in small pieces over a lot of months, it was so humiliating speaking it out loud. I don’t trust too many people, but I do feel like I can trust him a lot. He never pushes or forces me to talk about stuff I don’t want to, but eventually I feel like I can tell him everything. I don’t know where I’d be now if he hadn’t helped me these last couple of years