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Can’t take this hurt anymore

RazzleSenior Contributor28 Apr 2019, 3:11 pm AEST

Can’t take this hurt anymore

I’ve been hurt a LOT throughout my life, but I’ve always been able to cope. I’ve sucked it up, I’ve ignored it, I’ve disassociated, I’ve abused drugs, abused alcohol, faked it, put on the brave face. Not always the greatest strategies, but they’ve kept me alive all these years. I even managed to get my shit together and become a decent human being, and even be what I thought to be a pretty good wife and mother.

But now, I’m hurting so much and in so much pain and I can’t cope anymore. I can’t suck it up, I can’t fake it and I don’t know what to do anymore.

We have a new grand daughter, not even a month old and we’re not allowed to be a part of her life. The baby’s mother and the other grandmother are feeding both us and our son a heap of lies and we are not allowed to visit and we’ve been told they won’t be coming here. Every time we try to arrange a visit it becomes a battle, there’s always an excuse why it won’t work out. And in the middle of all this is our son getting pulled from pillar to post.

Yesterday someone asked me how our grand daughter was and I responded that we didn’t have one. I can’t get attached to this little girl that we’re not allowed to have a relationship with.

I can’t handle all this, and now my husband is pissed off with me because I’ve decided to step back and play no part in all the drama that the other family feed off.

I’m shattered, my stomach is in knots, I feel sick to my stomach and once again the anxiety is off the charts. God, this is such an awful feeling and I want it to stop.

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In response to: Can’t take this hurt anymore

Zoe7Senior Contributor03 May 2019, 7:17 pm AEST

Re: Can’t take this hurt anymore

I can feel the despair in your words @Razzle and really feel for you. It is great that you are taking a step back from what you can't control but do not leave yourself wide open to be lonely either Hon. I understand that need to protect yourself and while you can take some steps to do so it cannot be at the expense of all your relationships. I cut most people out of my life a long time ago - solely to protect myself. I am not lonely now but there have been periods where I have been - but then I have also been let down a lot too - so it is a pay off for me now to be on my own but also feel more protected. Hold onto the relationships that you feel give you as muchm as you give out because they are gold.

I know you will be there 100% for your son - whenever he needs you - and I also get you not wanting to find any kind of attachment with your grand daughter because of the very real possibility that you will not be able to form a relationship with her. I certainly hope that changes but for now it is not possible. You are taking a good approach with trying not to let that get to you - especially how upset it has made you since they left last week. ...but it is not worth losing the relationship with your son either - you have lost enough Hon.

Keep putting your point of view forward in counselling and hopefully between you and your councillor you can get your husband to see where you are coming from. These things often take several times to go through - especially when the other party is not receptive to what you are saying - don't give up though - it is important for you to keep saying what you need and getting that support to do so.