Another BlueBoard Refugee

I might be being admitted for more ECT. The hospital has told the nurse at the doctors surgery that they have a space for me but I haven't heard from the hospital yet. My pdoc feels a stitch in time, saves nine and having a couple of treatments now will prevent a crash... and he is working towards me never needing ECT again after this.

Hello @GingerWhinger

Thank you for your warm, supportive post - it really helped. Thank you also @BeeGee - my husband is looking into seeing a pain specialist. My daughter was pregnant and had a miscarriage which was confirmed today - and the boyfriend took off. Hence why she was in such a dark place.

More on this later - my thoughts are with you Ginger. Hoping this couple of ECT treatments will be the answer. Please keep us updated. Thinking of you all. Lots of love xxx

Wishing you Happy birthday a week late ... sorry @BeeGee and got assignment in.

Thank you for seeing the difficulty @GingerWhinger earlier a poster said I was triggering myself all the time .. but the truth is that it was all heaps harder to live through than to actually say ... I wasnt really triggering myself .. I was just trying to be with my experience and be with others ... Iam seeing that these days ... "trigger alerts" are expected ... I had not had much online experience as this is my first forum ... trying to learn ... I do hope your ECT works for you.

I was good today and dragged myself to pharmacy and am not going to fast on med reduction or change. Thanks for saying that though @BeeGee as I prefer to be told the truth.

@Former-Member Go gently with you and your family ... it sounds very traumatic for your girl ... I wish her well.

Take care all

Apple

Hi @Former-Member

How did your daughter feel about the pregnancy? Did she want to have a child? How did she feel about the miscarriage? Was she planning to have a termination? Was she planning to have a future with her boyfriend? Dreams and expectations has similar situations hold so many different meanings for the people involved.

@Appleblossom can you fill me in more with what is happening with your meds as I haven't been privy to that convo.

In re to the ECT, I haven't had much peace since the Manager of the last client centred service in town announced to me that we were mere subhuman products in a business designed for its own ends and our welfare was of no consequence. The worker who has been the "rock" of our community was pushed out the door latter that day and my home became the new community centre where people came to grieve his loss. People have turned to me (and other peers) because their services have been cut. The ousted worker essentially passed the batton onto me saying that I am "the shining light of our community" but my mental health has not been able to withstand the level of suffering I have been involved with soothing as well as the blow back that I have got for being the "strong one" - from the peers that I am working with. I don't generally get caught up on unwell people's cycle of idolising me / demonising me (its not intentionally - just part of our illness) but when there is enough of it and I'm doing my own grieving. I try to put the corporate greed that has exacerbated the problems our community to one side, but it keeps seeping into my awareness, with each individual's personal story of social injustice they bring my way.

To step out and let the coins fall as they may takes me to go against my values but it might be the only thing that saves my mental health. I might need to leave the community I love so dearly. Rather than be amongst the aftermath. To see the corporations get their hands on the $22 billion of NDIS each year, without out little part little reaching us, will be another pain, I don't know I can witness in such a high need community. To witness what is happening to my community and to have people looking to me because I have the skills and knowledge (but not the resource opportunities or health capacity) to do what needs to be done, creates a rupture so deep in my being, like I've never experienced before. I do tend towards overresponsibility and possibily this may be a maladaption of mine that may be being challenged? dunno? ECT does wipe my brain clean and give me the opportunity to see things much more clearly and solutions more more clearly.

So the hope is, next week, when I read what I have written above, I will see the way forward clearly.

Hi @GingerWhinger

@My daughter did not plan the pregnancy - but as it turns out she had been abusively treated by boyfriend and it has tipped her over the edge. She attempted suicide and has had four seizures as a result. The doctors said its a miracle she is still alive because of the huge amount of anti-depressants she took in one hit. This evening she was scheduled and detained in the mental health ward of our local hospital under the mental health act. I hope this will be the start of her healing. I think I am still in a bit of shock.

Hope everything is going alright with you my friend. Could do with a virtual hug right now. I must stay strong to help daughter. WIth my husbands ill health and my daughters mental health struggles I am wondering if it is possible for one person to cope with all this. I will soon find out. What I would give to see my daughter happy and loved and my husband out of pain.

What a horrific situation.

@Former-Member may I suggest that you put professional supports in place for yourself, if you have not done so already - and that you call on every friend you have to give you positive reinforcement at such a desperate time.

I'm so sorry for your anguish, pain and despair.

Thinking of you.

Sending Warmth, Wisdom, Comfort and Love your way,

Ginger xo

Hello @GingerWhinger

Thank you for your support and friendship - it has been a despairing time.

I have not long returned home from visiting my daughter. The realisation of her being admitted under the mental health act, not being able to leave of her own accord is starting to hit her and she is growing a little restless/anxious. But I think this is for the best. I don't know how or where my strength came from but I made her relax by getting her to laugh and remain upbeat/positive, even though the high brick walls surrounding the courtyard, not being able to speak in her room privately or go outside, the constant security monitoringand electronic doors only staff could activate to enter and leave, having my bag searched etc was terribly unnerving. It felt like a prison but I understand the need for this is safety. And the nurses are very kind, so I soon settled.

We talked about boyfriend and what the best thing to do there was. At this stage she doesn't want to be with him now. Hope this lasts as this time he is the reason she is in there. I had no idea up until now the abuse she had been enduring. The boyfriend is a sociopath. He told myself and husband this once and we thought he was joking. I thought all was getting better in her world. This is the problem with my daughter - she tells no one until she falls apart. She keeps everything inside. At least she is opening up abit - she has to confront these painful emotions now.

She will be assessed tomorrow by psychiatrists so we should know more about any follow up treatment then. I just hope she is open and honest with them and doesn't pretend all is fine. All I want is her to be happy, loved and well. To receive adequate counselling and support. I have to remain hopeful/positive for her sake and mine. It's so heartbreaking - I hope she will come out of this stronger for it but she has had issues for so long now that I believe it will take some time. I would be grateful for any improvement.

I couldn't go through this again - I watched her seizure, go blue, froth of the mouth, sustain temporary brain damage and become uncouncious - 4 times. The nurses did not know how to pull her tongue out that she was choking on - I had to politely insist on a doctors presence immediately. The doctors do not understand how she quickly recovered from the brain trauma?? The whole experience ripped out my soul. I could t believe it was happening at the time - I was numb. One day at a time.

They gave her medication to try and stop the seizures but she had another - so they heightened the dose and it worked, together with giving her a drink of charcoal to flush out the drugs from her system; - then she just slept for a couple of days on oxygen in ICU hooked up to heart monitors, hydration and potassium/mineral drips. She has no memory of the latter. She saids she is glad to be alive and won't do this again - I hope with all my heart she means it and learns to cope with her pain. There has to be improvement.

Hope all is well with you too my friend - thinking of you always as well. Much love xx

@Former-Member

I dont know what to say. Just praying you all come through. I dont understand how so much bad behaviour is socially sanctioned with her boyfriend. I am glad she has you to turn to even though it is a shocking experience. Go very gently with you all.

@GingerWhinger

I kind of like that you opened your home even if it does leave you at risk of overload. Everywhere I look it seems "nice" professionals are just on the look out for funding ... its how economic rationalism turns people and society into a dog eat dog world.

I thought of you as I met a lady from the North Shore in choir last week .. she was quick to spot that I had attachment issues and asked if I had been with my parents when I was little ... no-one has ever had the sensitivity to ask in the way she did with so little contact ... anyway I tried to keep it light and spoke about my sisters school which she loved and still has good rep .. not that it did my sis any good in the long term.

Re my meds ... I was flailing about and had been taking tranquilisers for a few weeks @BeeGee suggested I come onto this one.

Mostly I have been very strict with myself (cos of early substance use stopped at 22) and probably largely under medicated .. not sure if I should be on anti-psych ... or whether ECT would be appropriate ... or just keep to myself and have as little as possible.

Have been on fairly low doses of antidep for 14 years (when left marriage) .. almost phasing off them ... for a year .. but a year ago I had a lot of flare ups and GP dramatically upped dose ... and gave prn tranqs ...

I am ok at the moment .. as well as I usually am .. but that includes holding a high degree of residual stress in my body from my past. I also care for my son .. who had an episode 2 1/2 years ago .. he is stable .. but not giving me hope that he is grappling with his life's options and responsibilities. Trying to be philosophical and not have my anxiety deepen his.

Thank you @Appleblossom. I really appreciate the prayers. My daughter just rung telling us she had seen the doctors/physchiatrists and the first thing they said was she was very lucky to be alive with the dose she took. They also informed her that they are keeping her in there until Wednesday then will reassess. They informed her that she had sustained very, very mild brain damage that should of been major (I saw how it effected her brain temporarily and agree with them). Again they kept emphasising how very lucky she was as they were amazed she said.

But they never discussed any treatment plan with her at this stage which I thought odd. We will be going in to see her at 3pm and hopefully can learn more. We are also allowed to take her out now for a few hours before she has to return which will be nice xxx

@Former-Member

I just don't know what to say - to have you come so close to losing your daughter, and for her to sustain brain damage, no matter how mild and how much worse it could have been.

The trauma you have experienced is beyond "trauma". I can't believe what you have endured and I feel so very sorry for you. I wish I could wrap my arms around you while you cry to let out some of that pain, stress and fear.

Life is just so intensely painful sometimes and I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

It certainly is a dark night of the soul.

Arm in arm, we will walk through this time, in friendship, together.

I hope you have felt the warm vibes and prayers I have sent your way.

Love you,

Ginger xo