Another BlueBoard Refugee

@Former-Member I'm sorry to hear what as happen to your daughter.I think you would feel quite helpless seeing your daughter so unwell and paralysed with fear when the nurse didn't know what to do. But also your instincts would have kicked in to protect her and to advocate for her too. I have been thinking of you the last few weeks and I was actually really worried something was wrong & I had a bad feeling about something. I truly hope your daughter as able to get all the help she needs.

Be gentle on yourself @Former-Member and remember to take care of you too. You have been through quite a traumatic experience and you need some support too. I hope you and your husband are okay and he is getting pain under control too.

Is your daughter able to get treatment for her brain injury and see a neurologist for a consult and opinion as to what might help her as well as a mental health plan and some added support. Sending you all healing vibes your way. Thinking of you.

@GingerWhinger

I hope you are travelling well. thinking of you

Hello dear @GingerWhinger

You are so right my friend, I have to admit it is beyond trauma. Part of me wants to deny that, saying it will be fine, and maybe it will be - but the reality now is it will be a long road. Am I strong enough?

Daughter came over for 4 hours and we played the card game UNO. She listens to me more but is displaying dangerous reckless behaviour. She nearly lost her life due to being badly treated and hurt - but is already looking for another partner on a dating site. She is treating it like a joke - a bit of fun. She nearly died - and now she is opening herself up for more abuse. This is not normal - And I can't get through to her. She truly is displaying borderline personality disorder (which she has been diagnosed along with PTSD in the past).

I am struggling. Not only because of what I went through but knowing the real probability of her being harmed either by her own hand or someone else's (she would jump in the car with a strange bloke - reckless behaviour). She displays no concern for her safety or sanity. This part I can't understand and this behaviour seemed to start from when she was sexually assaulted when not in our care.

So I believe there is more trauma to come - beyond cruel. And somewhere in myself I have to hold onto the belief that we will all get through this with a better outcome.

We are seeing her psychiatrist tomorrow re her condition and treatment plan. I will be expressing my fear about her reckless behaviour - but can they keep her in there for that? And she is growing very anxious in there and wants to come home. She is also now saying she doesn't or can't work anymore - a total change of attitude. Like she has stopped caring about a future.

I saw the manager of the charity shop I volunteer for and told her everything. She was very compassionate, understanding and supportive. She said I always have a position there and can come and go as I please or have the ability to do so. I am so drained at the moment that I feel I can't face that and am deteriorating health wise. She suggested I see my doctor and take something to help me through this. The dilemma is my body/mind can't tolerate anti-ds anymore. I feel I need something to help me sleep so I can cope. Not sure what to do. Presently will just have to take it one day at a time. If I survive this I can survive anything.

Thank you for your support and friendship in this dark time of mine - it means the world. Most run away. Every time I start to feel like it's too much I will reread your post as it strengthens me. Thank you my friend. Please take good care of yourself also as your welfare means the world to me as well. Please keep us in your prayers. Lots of love xx

Hello dear @Former-Member

I just wrote you a long post and lost it!!! So frustrating. I am a bit out of steam so will post it again to you tomorrow. You are a good friend and your message of support was so comforting. Thank you. I hope you are feeling better as I think of you as well. Talk soon. Lots of love xx

My Dear Sweet @Former-Member, even taking multivitamins might be a way to help support your system atm. Maybe doing a yoga class one night (or day). Having a friend come over for coffee so you can care for you hubby while enjoying your friend - he might like a friend to come over too. Sometimes watching a movie together or putting on some nice music. Putting on some candles, creating an aroma that you like... all little things to help soothe the soul. But what you are going through needs more that just pleasant things. It's like a ship that is taking in water, you need bilge pumps and you need help to make your ship water tight. Whatever those stronger reinforcements are in your life, you will know. Possibly even ring a crisis line to vent and get another perspective on what stronger options you have to help you and your family endure such severe hardships as you are going through atm. Your family exists in a community and now it is our time as a community that we have a moral duty to throw liferings out to you guys. I imagine you would likely find instant support in Grow, so maybe that might be a place you might like to turn to for solace and support? Love you. Big Hugs. Ginger xoxoxoxoxo

Hi @Former-Member,

How are things going?

Tomorrow I'm having my third ect and I don't have as much confusion as I had with the first lot of treatment a couple of months ago. It will be my 6th day in hospital. I have the same psychiatrist who is very good.

My friend is in with me and she has managed to get the same pdoc and she is grateful for that because our pdoc is just lovely.

I had a friend visit today - she is the bestest friend anyone could hope for. She is looking after the Ginger Man, while I'm in hospital. Today I went out for the first time since being admitted - just to the shops for an hour but it was still a good change from what easily becomes "the norm" in hospital.

I forgot to give my friend my library card so she could pick up my library book for me - and for some reason that really annoyed me - forgetting.

I'm in a double room with the roommate from heaven. She is so respectful and courteous. She is probably a little more introverted than me (not difficult to be) but we often have quite interesting chats. She has been a lawyer and a nurse, in her career and there are interests that overlap a bit with social work. She's good company. I got very lucky!

I'm starting to feel a bit fat, but everything I try to do to lose weight doesn't work so I feel like not even trying now. I think there is a lot I have to accept re illneses, ageing/degeneration. On the social level, I've got to somehow accept the corporatisation of social work, none of which are easy pills to swallow, even if they sound so. My psychiatrist is wants me to somehow break free from the problems in the community while remaining true to myself. I don't know know how to do that. I think not having family makes the community part of my life take on additional meaning and purpose. It's unhealthy and I have to scale it back, regardless. Hopefully about 5 more ects will help me somehow to loosen my grip on mental health community work, to let it go. I'm having to re-invent myself and I don't quite know how to express my values in a way/area that is not so damaging to me.

My son is going well in his new job but his love life became a bit rocky last night. I could hear it in his voice he was hurting. Sadly there is not much we can do when our boys grow up - we have to allow them to be their own men and find their own way in the world. I've always told him to trust himself and listen to his inner voice... hopefully that might help him navigate life's hurdles.

You are in my thoughts @Former-Member. I can't imagine things have resolved completely for you and your family in this time but I hope they have somewhat turned a corner. Some ships take a lot of work to alter their course! I have a hard enough time changing myself - - being able to make my small contribution to the world seems so out of reach sometimes!

Life can be quite challenging for all of us, especially those of us prone to mental illness.

Thankfully, I'm having a fairly good run of things at the moment and I hope things are looking up for you too.

Hugs,

Ginger xo

I have liked your posts @Former-Member because it takes courage, dignity,and nuanced and clear insight to post in the way you do about such personal difficulties that are happening in the now. My love and concern continue for you and your family on this journey.

When I post about such things I have had 20 and 30 years to process the experiences.

@GingerWhinger I am glad you have a "good partner in crime" to share your room with in hospital. It can make a big difference and is often the luck of the draw.

I enjoy reading your posts because I see we are kindred spirits in many ways.

Speaking to a carer yesterday I was told that many mh oragnisations are seeking the corporate dollar ... It is the way of the world now ... yet financial viability and reducing clients and patients to a dollar game need not go in hand. It is possible to do both.

Some of the fundraising singing I have done .. has finally paid off and a new cancer research facility been opened.

I went with my brother to the ICI International Congress for Immunotherapies last week.

Maybe its time for more research into the mental illness and suicide fields.

I hope you dont mind if I "join" you on this thread. It makes me feel more settled when I am with like minded people.

Of course you are more than welcome to join in @Appleblossom. You're fundraising must feel so rewarding - well done. I agree with you about @Former-Member - it takes courage to express oneself within such vulnerability... I hope we hear from you again soon OTE. I hope life is feeling a little more manageable.

My roomie is going home tomorrow. It will be sad to see her go, she has been very good value.

I have weekend leave but don't know if I will take it. See how my motivation goes. I'll be in here for at least another week.

Thinking of you OTE xo