Thank you @Former-Member,
I have absolutely NO idea why we used to go all that way to Bondi when we lived on the North Shore - makes ABSOLUTELY no sense but I remember loving the journey over the Sydney Harbour Bridge for some reason. Do you remember that jetty they used to get you to jump off during swimming lessons at Bondi - for some reason I was terrified that this particular shape under the water was a dead body lol.
Thank you for trip down memory lane and a reminder of my background. Why should this little girl born to parents in a sprawling beachside mansion feel social justice embedded into every fibre of her DNA. Why did this little girl enjoy life more when it took her to a rural, disadvantaged indigenous community where alcohol abuse was as prevalent amongst the minority whites as it was the original land owners?
Today, I have been overwhelmed by grief. I am approaching 50. I didn't study social work as an option - it was because it was it is who I am, my core values. When I started in the field 30 years ago, mainly sums of money would go to local management committees, to be administered for their local community. As a professional, the frustration was usually that management committees consisted of untrained, unexperienced people who did not understand what it was like on the coalface for workers or clients. In those days, if you weren't 100% dedicated to your clients, you would never had found work in the NGO sector. We went the extra mile, we almost laid down our lives in advocating for our clients. There were very difficult client behaviours but we still saw ourselves on the same side - their side.
Thirty years later we have massive national corporate like entities, operating on "business models" with directives coming from head office in Sydney or Melbourne. "Broken people" are milked as their cash cows. It's about gettting and keeping their jobs - and climbing the ladder - not a client-centred approach.
As you know I have found a sense of "home" in one of Australia's most disadvantaged areas. My heart breaks as the people in my community as seen as "less than" and "worthless" by these entities paid millions to "help" us. Our community is more than just our problems - there is inherent personal worth and there are also valuable personal assets in each individual in this so called "broken", "irreedemable" region.
So many out of area worker's mortgages are getting paid, and people feeling proud of their fancy new titles and their plush new offices - to "fix" us people the workers view as worthless. Very little of those funds reach the people in need - it's all gobbled up in administration. Those networking meetings need some fancy catering you know! They are well catered dates with Palmela Handerson, - (the collective nature of the event may skew the euphenism though).
At the moment, community members are even bumping into each other in the street and bursting into tears comforting each other, reminding each other that still we have each other, that together as a community we have strengths and together we will get through. We have businesses all around us, collecting millions of dollars to "service" our community's "brokeness" but they discriminate against us, and pocket the funds for themselves. Their abuses exaccerbate our issues.
I understand we all have personal values and there is no way that we can ever hope for the world to align completely with our personal values. Of course my heart will break for what has been lost - the last organisation in our area that treated us with respect and dignity and helped us heal and empower ourselves. It is a real and tragic loss for me on many levels but all I can ever control is me - and aligning my own behaviour with my values - and surrounding myself with like-minded people.
As deep as my grief and disillusionment is, my cat is safe and well, my son is safe and well, I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I have connections with others that are consolidating. Overall my health has improved since ECT and I think I am managing my ptsd quite well, considering. I'm taking pretty good care of myself - and that's all we can ever do when something feels overwhelming.
It's like focussing on our breath when we stub our toe. The pain draws our attention towards our toe but we need to see that there is more to us than our toe, that more is right with us than wrong with us... and that there are good things in the world too.
