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Living and loving someone with MI presents relationship challenges and often others cannot see why we chose to stay with our partners.
Being mindful of not intruding on others stories I thought having a thread where we can share tips and encourage one another would be of value.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Hi and welcome @MissTreated
Acknowledging, firstly to ourselves, that someone is being abusive towards us is the first step to doing something about it ..... but that first step is reeeeeaaaally hard when that person is, or used to be, the live of our life ..... the person who swept us off our feet and made us feel so special, like we had found our soul-mate .......
I know that experience.
Finding a safe place to talk about it, cry about it, rage about it ..... in short, vent about it ..... is another important first step to stopping the abuse.
Then next one is probably boundaries - working out what our "deal-breakers" are. We are generally astute enough to draw boundaries around the behaviour of obnoxious strangers, but what happens when our "soul-mate" slowly morphs into an abusive obnoxious stranger ? It seriously messes with your head and heart.
This is where it is important to access counselling services and other forms of community support to help you work out how to self-protect, self-care, and find the pathway forward that seems to have been lost in the chaos and dysfunction . The forums can help with that side of things too, when and as you're ready.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
MissTreatedContributor
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
MissTreatedContributor
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Thinking of you lots today @MissTreated ❤❤
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
MissTreatedContributor
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Emelia8Senior Contributor
@MissTreated 😄💖👍
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
I would advise treading very carefully and working with the counsellor around the suicidality in your husband @MissTreated, but people with NPD (if that is what the counsellor suggests he has) are known to use the threat of suicide as a controlling behaviour. My soon2bx didn't follow that line of control, but if their "fuel" systems fail they can be prone to suicidal tesndencies. I am glad you are seeking professional support for this ...... ❣️
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
SJT63Senior Contributor
G'day all - and what a long haul it is.
We are at the peak (I hope) of our latest aggresive mania which has seen his sons' school block his number to avoid the daily abusive calls. Of course, he thinks he is being polite but assertive, offering constructive criticism and not backing down.
In reality he is trying to bully them into getting his own way. Deep down his aggressive response is guilt about his own failings and projecting the blame onto others, but we all know not to voice those sort of opinions out loud. He geniuinely has no idea how frightening he looks and sounds when he is being "politely assertive".
January wasn't too bad but February is shaping up as a doozy. Averages so far at 30%manic, 30%agro, 15%depressed which doesn't leave much room for "normal". I've spoken before about my graphs and spreadsheets and will try to post a screenshot so you can all see what a write off the second half of 2020 was. Incidentally, blue for "normal" doesn't necessarily mean particularly happy, it's just what's left over if it isn't overtly manic, agressive or depressed.
The shot I'll add is a monthly but there are other week by week charts and lately I'm asking myself do I really want to spend the next 20 or 30 years only leading a normal life for 2 weeks at a time every 6 to 8 weeks?
Anyway, a bit "poor me" right now as I'm too busy for this shite. My application is in with the Attorney General's dept and I'm working on my marketing and website etc so that it's all ready to launch when my approvals come through. What I'm realising now, is that I'm always going to have to travel to meet with clients as having someone come to my home is just too fraught with danger if Mr S is playing up at the time.
If I look at the weekly figures, there are have been 2 weeks in the last 18 months where there have been no hiccoughs. Two weeks of normal every day for a whole week. His longest stretch is 11 days, once in 2019.
If you define "having a normal life" as the manic/agressive episodes being at or below 10% then I have had 14 "normal" weeks in the last 78 weeks... just under 20%.
However, if you break it down further he is "normal" 70% of the time which doesn't sound so bad.. but then if you think about nearly 1/3 of every waking moment I am either in trouble for something I've done (or not done) or listening to the elaborate grievances and revenge plots he comes up with against others... well... even conservatively 15 minutes per hour, every hour we are together, something is going wrong. If nothing is going wrong, chances are he's chasing me around the kitchen trying to get me to the bedroom.
No wonder I'm exhausted.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
❤️ @SJT63 ......
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
MissTreatedContributor
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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