Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

@SJT63 feeling for you and thinking of you atm.

Different scenarios but similar behaviours here.

When I set down some boundaries I emailed them because I didn't have the strength for the conversation. My wife was in a private mental health ward at the time which was a big factor as I new she was in a safe environment. (Important for our situation at the time) I also talked through Boundaries here on the forum and with a counsellor to be sure I was being reasonable.

I don't think what you are proposing to say sounds unreasonable but do understand the challenges of delivery. I hope you are safe in all of this. Thinking of you especially at the moment. 😥

@SJT63

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences on here. Yes...we listen 🙂

I know that love is special...a partner...someone to share life's journey with...but BUT @SJT63 your partner has major major issues. Will he ever really be able to be the partner that you need? Will your staying his partner just lead him to believe you will always be there so you can be his verbal and mental punching bag ? With no consequences?!

I think you know (from all I have read from you) that your life would be so much easier and happier without him and all his toxic BS.

I do hope very very much that you look after yourself and your own well-being because you sound like a really caring and loving person.

My partner is better - meds have stabilised - but she still catastrophises....gets angry..drinks alcohol endlessly and tells me how things are all my fault ! If not mine directly..then my work. How DARE i be tired at the end of the week and appear disinterested when she tells me the same stories I have heard numerous times...often repeating the same sentences. How DARE I look tired! Then tells me to just F*CK off.! Only now (I have learned) when she starts the verbal abuse I walk away.

In fact I write this waiting for a round 2 of her latest outburst. I loved her soo much when we met...just adored her, but she kept all the trauma and sh*t a secret until we were in deep. Slowly over time I.cop the blame for all that is wrong in her life and...the sad truth is that now I resent her and wish I had never met her because my life would be so much easier and happier.

Why am I still with her ?! She has just finished am entire bottle of wine...or her 'tipple' as she calls it...perhaps I'm just scared of being alone and settled for this. Foolish I know !

@Hi WinstonOBoogie,

You might be interested in this resource.

https://www.1800respect.org.au/violence-and-abuse/domestic-and-family-violence

RICH

@WinstonOBoogie

yes I get into trouble sometimes for looking bored when we are covering very, very old ground.. when he is mansplaining something that has been done to death a thousand times

however

@Determined @Faith-and-Hope @HoneyOne @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Smc @Powderfinger

we have had an nice weekend. Friday was a disaster but not with Mr S - I was helping the neighbours move and dept. of housing were being... well... just like a government department. Neighbours don't drive so there were three trips between the office and new house before they finally gave them the keys while the movers had no choice but to leave all their stuff in the front yard.

Anway... I ended up not working at all on Friday and in the afternoon when I collapsed in my room again Mr decided that maybe I might need to talk about "whatever it was" that was leaving me so low and exhausted this few weeks.

So instead of having to send an email, I told him. I have laid out how, if he wants this to work, my behaviour and response to him is going to have to change.

I know there will be ups and downs and I know I must still be patient and I know major change doesn't happen overnight. This weekend, when he's started losing it about stupid little stuff (like flies coming in the back door) he's been able to keep the tantrum contained to that subject and then talked to me about it after he's calmed down.

That is the biggest breakthough; being able to talk about it afterwards helps me enormously. He even called it a tantrum himself. This weekend he agrees that there is a whole heap of baggage that needs to be let go of, and will work with his new psychologist to facilitate that.

I dare say I'll be back here whinging again in a week's time.. but that's what this forum is for I reckon.. the best place to vent that I have ever found.

Much love to all x

@WinstonOBoogie it's funny how last Thursday we were both in exactly the same place. I was sure you were right, that I'd be happier without him and that no one should be treated the way we are.

I broke down on Thursday afternoon talking to a friend's daughter and she was shocked because she had me pegged for the last person who would ever be abused or manipulated by someone. "You deserve a happy life" she said.... my response was "I've had my life though".

I have been married and divorced then married and widowed, before I met this guy. I'm nearly 60. My kids are grown and gone (one living in the UK) and absolutely 100% I am scared of being alone. But I am also too committed to helping to leave. Picking up waifs and strays and helping is kinda what I do, if not him then the next one will be just as broken in some way or another.

I think your lass needs to address her drinking. Do her pdocs know how much she drinks?

I have to learn not to take what he says on board.. .not to play the game at all instead of playing to try and prevent the unpreventable all the time. He has manipulated my behaviour because I have deliberately tried to change to circumvent the tantrums. No more. I'm just not playing a game any more that is making me sick. Maybe he will leave as a result, but I doubt it. Maybe he will learn that he doesn't have to play either.

Stay strong x

@SJT63

I'm just listening. I feel you have chosen where you want to be and I am not going to dissuade you otherwise.

I don't like hearing the awful treatment you go through. I hope without knowing past history that he follows through on what he says he is going to do with his psychologist and practices the new things he has taught in order to make both of your lives better.

Hugs and love to you.

Ramble. X

@SJT63 good to hear that the discussion went well for you. And trust things continue that way.

Good morning @MissTreated , @Former-Member , @Determined , @Powderfinger , @SJT63 , @Faith-and-Hope , @Anastasia , @WinstonOBoogie @❤❤☕

Carers Hints and tips to Success

8 dimensions of wellness

Click on these links xxx

And come and have a cuppa at Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

How are you today