Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

@SJT63 friendships are difficult for Mr D, he has a few "long distance" friends but not so many close ones. Having a dog is important and I feel necessary for him.

I have always been intentional about making friends each time we have moved (roughly every 7 years) - there are so many people out there in need of a friend and I have found it doesn't take long to find one or two.

This is one of our boundaries:

Took this to heart after learning it takes more than meds to manage mental illness:

Hi @LizzieLou 👋

Your welcome Faith hope. We need each other here on the forum. God help i cant get any other help from the phonelines. They must be in crisis as well. My hubbys mum is a Narrcasist and is 91 in a home 5 mins from us. She is the root of all PTSD for him but for her own safety we needed to have her here as before she was living in Warrnambool 6 hrs away. The trip up and down was trauma in itself. I have always known we are nothing but staff to her and totally despensible at any moment. She is a very manipulative woman and cruel. But we can walk away and shut the care facility door now which has helped heaps. Hubbies dad was a lovely man he balanced things but not enough to trump bi polar and other problems already apparent.
treasure the moments as you say and find your freedom. One day you will feel yourself walk taller. Another persons MI is very heavy. All the best

Its such a huge part of what we go through. My friendships gave dissapeared one by one over the last 14 yrs. i am a quiet but friendly person and find myself being ALLOWED to only have one friend and she is bi polar. You cant have friends when your husband is Paranoid. Its impossible. Im a carer for my mum as well with Parkinsons and his mum in a care facility up the Rd. Its been so awful with the Covid here in Victoria. We havent seen her for over 4 months. But in some ways thats a good thing.
mine wont take meds but will go to therapy unfortunately thats not working.
good grief the things we all go through.
hugs

We sound like similar personalities @Carlachris . I would describe myself as very quiet, but friendly too. My husband is a narcissist too and sooo paranoid about any friendships or workmates I had. Needless to say, I no longer have any friends or people I see. It became way too hard to maintain any personal friendships, and the repercussions were usually swift and severe. Incidentally, we have something else in common too .. my husband was diagnosed with Parkinsons 2 years ago. Though I had been telling his health care pros for 2 years before that, that he had all the signs. At least he now has meds to help with some of the symptoms.

I really sympathise with you Victorians with such an extended lockdown. The month long lockdown we had in NSW really made little difference to me personally, but I know thats not the case for the majority of people.

Hi @Former-Member @LizzieLou @Shaz51 @SJT63 @Faith-and-Hope

Emelia 🌷

Thank you @Carlachris 🙏 💕

Anyone without a narcissistic soon2bx ...... @Former-Member is a well-spring of solid advice about negotiating this difficult terrain as a carer. I think, as she said, mutual respect is paramount. It's so hard if you can't have that, if part of your loved one's disorder is an inability to respect you, and in that case strong boundaries are very important. You sort of need to be as transactional as they are about relationships, with them, and make some space for yourself elsewhere in your life - a little corner just for you.

So I am not the only LizzieLou I see, it was my nickname as a child.

My husband also has Parkinson's disease, to add to his problems. The lack of empathy is caused by this, as well as his mental illness, but he still can summon up enough to be "charming" to outsiders, and medical people even in his old age. @LizzieLou

The second wave has really been hard. Not much has changed for us we have what we need but the phsychological and emotional life has been hit hard for so many. Its hard to explain to other States who laugh and joke about the politics etc but nobody putting their hand up for a leadership job. .....that's not where its at. Its at community level. The core of what we know and who we are has changed. Im optomistic for the longrun even through the saddest of times. But those of us who have always. Been strong shoulders have not coped completely. Its been very confronting to be questioned and photos of your license taken at Checkpoints within 5 km. Its ugly. Let alone going to a Doctors appointment which is 30 km away from home with paranoid husband driving as i have hurt my arm and need an ultrasound. Its been gruelling. But we are doing our best and thankfully near the end. I just hope NSW and Qld dont kick off now. We arent in this together. We have been divided by States and it hurts.