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Unknown userMember
Living and loving someone with MI presents relationship challenges and often others cannot see why we chose to stay with our partners.
Being mindful of not intruding on others stories I thought having a thread where we can share tips and encourage one another would be of value.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Good morning @Scoo 👋
It is tiring, sending gentle thoughts your way.
Apppointment= made first hurdle jumped
Hoping hubby finds a therapist with whom he has a good therapeutic alliance and who can offer the kind of support that fits his personality.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
CarlachrisSenior Contributor
My hubby has circumvented the medical professionals for a decade also. Lately the challenges have been huge and I have had to cut him off mid rant with " I am not a trained professional. I do not hold the qualifications to be able to help you anymore. Go find someone who will". Somehow that appeals to his acedemic nature and he now has another intellectual to speak with instead of expecting me to be able to keep up with him. It seems to be working as the phsychologist has Aspergers the same as him.
PTSD is such a had thing to live with daily as a wife. The constant living in the past wears me down ontop of everything else. I tend to walk away from those conversations these days as I need to protect myself more. I find if I disconnect quietly and come back even 10 mins later it helps us both. I can't relive the horrors anymore of his childhood without becoming distressed for him and also look after his 90 yr old mother up the rd in our local aged care home. She was the major cause of his traumas. We have had to move her from Warrnambool 6 hrs away to 10 mins away due to age related safety issues not ideal but chose to do the right thing and she is now very frail. It's been tough to say the least. How I wish there was more care for carers. Helping ourselves gets very exhausting sometimes.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
CarlachrisSenior Contributor
That's great news. Big step forward. Finding the right person might take a bit at first but realizing the need for help is going to help enourmously. Here's hoping a helping hand is coming your way.
Move away from the stories even if only for a little while an hour seems to be a good measure for us. I don't want to be the audience. I find I get lost in it all if I listen for too long. There has to be a boundary when My own history gets belittled and made to feel irrelevant over time.
Living in the past is exhausting for everyone not just them but they don't seem to be able to understand that mid crisis. When my hubby is doing a bit better I draw him more into the present and looking forward into the not to distant future but the battle always remains. Mental tug a war with a piece of elastic.
Hope His fear will pass when he is with his peers. Opening a door to learn more about personal vulnerability. All the best. 🌼
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
ScooSenior Contributor
@Former-Member Thankyou xx
@Carlachris I'm hearing you and can so relate. I try to set boundaries with those conversations when he is stuck in the past. I've learnt to be a bit more assertive over the 10 years we have been together. This forum has also helped me to be more patient and remember self care is important xx
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
CarlachrisSenior Contributor
It's in no way easy. Recently I felt like walking away. Just couldn't continue. Somehow I stayed basically sheer exhaustion. Something changed within myself and somehow I learnt I can't be the emotional bodyguard anymore. I figure he is a professional so he can find professional help himself.
We have the grand daddy of all problems with that though as my husbands first wife was his phsychiatrist. Yes he married his phsychiatrist when he was completely vulnerable and she was then banned from practice for 6 yrs he was dreadfully abused during those years by her as she was unmedicated Bi polar herself With multiple personality disorders.
As soon as my husband tried to find help he was rejected by many professionals unprepared to cop the fallout as she is a leading practitioner. He is only know able to find some help without mentioning a major decade of his trauma which is very limiting but the only way forward. Believe me we have tried for 13 yrs and cannot find an avenue unless we move interstate.
The learning curve has been getting away from me lately. I find strength in this thread. I hope you do as well. Hugs 🦋
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Shaz51Senior Contributor
good afternoon @Carlachris , @Former-Member , @Scoo , @LizzieLou , @Faith-and-Hope , @Silverfox
how is everyone today
we went to a social event last night , soo mr shaz is a wipe out today
so rest and recovering time needed here
sooo very hot up here , looks like a cyclone is forming
doing little bits here and there but watching tv xxx
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
SilverfoxContributor
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
SilverfoxContributor
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
SilverfoxContributor
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
SilverfoxContributor
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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