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Unknown userMember
Living and loving someone with MI presents relationship challenges and often others cannot see why we chose to stay with our partners.
Being mindful of not intruding on others stories I thought having a thread where we can share tips and encourage one another would be of value.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
@Carlachris A friend who used to work in the MH field did mention to me that intellectual people are often said to be harder to treat (my hubby does not understand the need for therapy as he has had too many therapists that were fixated on mindfulness breathing). This from an article by the School of Life where they write:
"Therapy builds on the idea of a return to live feelings. It’s only when we’re properly in touch with feelings that we can correct them with the help of our more mature faculties – and thereby address the real troubles of our adult lives.
Oddly (and interestingly) this means intellectual people can have a particularly tricky time in therapy. They get interested in the ideas. But they don’t so easily recreate and exhibit the pains and distresses of their earlier, less sophisticated selves, though it’s actually these parts of who we all are that need to be encountered, listened to and – perhaps for the first time – comforted and reassured."
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
CarlachrisSenior Contributor
Thankyou Darcy. I agree totally with your comment. Every word rings true. He is not helping himself at all now. Just waiting for something to happen. I don't have a clue anymore what will happen but he is loosing touch with reality. It's only a matter of time. Feeling very sad today about that but nothing more I can do. I have emailed his Phsych who has said the same. It's sad. It doesn't need to be this way but paranoia is running our lives and it's hurting him.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
@LizzieLou one of the reasons we don't live too close to our families is that both they & my hubby would likely find it too difficult.
I think that there are families do not want to admit that there are MH issues on their side and face any self imposed stigma (or indeed feel they might be at risk) in relation to it. Is certainly the case with my relatives. In one family of cousins that I have there are at least 2 x members with bipolar which are all blamed as being hereditary from the man my aunt married. However amongst my siblings and their offspring there are a few diagnoses which in my mind negates that assumption.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
LizzieLouSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
@Lish51014
How are things going with your husband?
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Hi @Silverfox
Come and meet some others that care for their partners.
We understand ...
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
SilverfoxContributor
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Hi @Silverfox 👋
@Former-Member is referring to this thread (as it's called) as a meeting place. People who are posting here are those who have stayed connected with, and working from within, on relationships with loved ones who have mental illness challenges, as opposed to leaving.
I have been one such person, walking along with my husband for ten years with an undiagnosed, but clearly unwell, condition, however he has chosen to leave me recently, and under conditions that are unrecoverable. That doesn't mean that I can't still contribute here if I feel I have something valuable to offer, or simply have other carers commiserate with my now-changed circumstances.
We are all here for each other in a variety of ways.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
LizzieLouSenior Contributor
I am so glad I found this forum, to find that others have had the same experience as I have, of not being believed by the medical professional, the ill person being able to present such a good facade as to be believed implicitly. I have found reassurance in hearing of the experience of others, but can't help feeling that I would like to see much more support for partners of these clever people who can mask the extent of the illness. I think in my husbands case it is a survival strategy he has developed from early life, . The big question is however, how to be heard so that at least doctors listen to carers, and are aware of the ability of highly intelligent clients being able to build a false front, which seems to be caused by a feeling of threat.
The skill of the person doing an interview seems to be most important, recently I have been present unlike the past, and some are able to ask questions that he opens up to easily.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
ScooSenior Contributor
Welcome @Silverfox
@Former-Member @Carlachris I can relate to what you are saying about intellectual thinkers. Hubby's reluctance to have counselling is because as a qualified and experienced social worker he thinks he will know more than the counsellor.
However after recovering from Christmas but now going through another bad period/episode he has booked in to get a MHCP next week!! He is terrified though. This morning crying and reliving a lot of the stories of his childhood over and over. Not a day seems to go by without him needing me to listen to the same stories over and over again. I'm feeling exhausted today.
It's a big step for hubby and I am proud of him.
Thanks to this forum for letting me vent ❤️
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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