Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Work conflicts/disharmony whether or not he has been involved has been an issue for Mr Darcy @Bobkat . He has not worked since an acute episode in 2015 and it is only in the last few months that he has actively sought out and has started doing some volunteer work.

@Shaz51 and her husband have their own business as working for others a problem with his MI.

Hello @Bobkat @Former-Member @Sophie1 @Carlachris @Former-Member

How are you today xxxx

Yes we have had to cut back on the workload for Mr shaz and myself

Hello, hope its ok if I jump in.

@Bobkat , I can relate to the work situation. Mr Jones had taken about 5-6 months sick leave off work over 12 months due to mental health, some paid/ some unpaid. Taking time off work caused more anxiety for him, he felt worthless that he could not sustain his role.

In July this year we made the decision that was best for him to resign, we re-did a budget of our expenses and cut out what we couldnt afford with living on the one wage. Even though since then Mr Jones has become extremely unwell it was still one of the best decision we made, it releived the pressure as Mr Jones struggles with meeting expectations of others.

@Former-Member Sorry for my late reply.

We are still really struggling, Mr Jones only started to show slight improvements from ECT which even though both myself and nurses can notice the difference he still doesnt see it.

Due to how he is representing it is highly unlikely he will be able to have day leave on Christmas day which I am coming to terms with. Seems that he wont be home until late January.

One of my struggles are trying to get him to see the options avaliable to get better/ maintain wellness. He wants to get better but doesnt think anything will work. I put so much of my energy into talking to him about things we will do, programs he can attend, medications he will try but he doesnt thinks it worth trying it all 😞 its so heartbreaking.

Any advice on helping our partners see the good?

Sorry Ive been a little MIA from this forum, Ive been doing some kitchen renos which has been fun but very time consuming. I return to work in Feb from maternity leave and reallt worried on if Mr Jones will be home by then (he is supposed to do the stay at home dad gig whilst I work)

So my husband had a talk with his immediate manager today and is going in tomorrow to see if they can work it out. I am a bit surprised. Maybe sceptical too as he seems defensive and on edge, so may well just let lose verbally. Time will tell I guess. He saw a counselor today, not his usual, but he says it helped. He doesn't want to talk to me about it all, which I know you will all recognize as frustrating and alienating. Guess I just wait and see.

May you and your loved ones find some peace of mind. How we take it for granted until it goes!

Your post resonates with me. Especially the feelings of alienation not wanting to talk to us and guess we wait and see. I have learnt to step away when the words I will discuss it with my psych come about. My husband just can’t see how his MI Aspergers makes me deal with the consequences after he himself is feeling much better. We have made it through to tomorrow but as usual the MI tantrum as such has passed and he can’t see why he needs to keep the appointment but will go. I now tell him I no longer can snap straight back like an elastic band. May you also find a little quiet time for yourself. A battle I find harder and harder to do lately. My wish would be some time to watercolour and get lost for a little while in my own headspace and not hubbies. All the best.

My darling is a head spinner as well. So much so that sometimes his eyes wobble with intensity. Having a purpose helps my hubbie but finding a purpose now he is retired is a challenge. The real world is just too far from his acedemic mind and idedic memory. But of all things mowing the lawn seems to hit the spot.

Ok ish today thanks Shaz. We have seemed to have made it to his next App tomorrow although only with being in quiet seclusion. Interactions with the public are being avoided as it is too threatening for him. He has decided to hate people. It’s not easy but then something I have told him I no longer can deal with as I am his wife not a trained phsychiatrist. The boundary we set a long time ago.

Very difficult to avoid absolutely everyone 24 hrs a day but we have been doing so. Christmas has come at a very bad time for us this year having 14 to lunch but we can’t keep bending reality to his Mi cycles anymore. We need to live and breathe taking everything into consideration With kindness and love not dominated by his MI at the drop of a hat. He has the love understanding and support of us all we can do no more he needs to do for himself and come back into the human real world not FB hiding behind the dreadful facade of keyboard warriors.

Ohhh my friends @Carlachris , @Bobkat

remember to put a @ in front of members names xx

Hello @Former-Member @Mrsjones , @Sophie1

sorry my @Carlachris , how are you tonight my friend xoxo

@Mrsjones you asked about ideas for Mr Jones to be hopeful re his future ... I will try to think what has helped with my partner - but for now first thing to mind is I often just start doing something and my partner will drift over to see what I'm doing and join in or get interested just because she can see it and touch it whatever it is going on - example cooking - when she hasn't wanted to eat and I just start cooking something I know smells good as it cooks - often she will appear and start inquiring if maybe she might try to eat after all even though earlier would have sworn there would be no eating .... or I start gardening and she comes out to help ,.. or I start a movie and she comes in to watch --- so I stopped trying to plan everything or get agreement up front and just started doing and she would sometimes just join in ... doing things seems to generate positive vibes ... anyway hope that is helpful x