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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 Oct 2019, 10:20 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

So glad you put your planter back together and the plants survived @Former-Member You put so much effort into it the first time - hope it looks just like the picture you showed us 👍

Good news about the car too - should make it easier to sell. Hope you get a buyer really soon Hon.

That is a long time to be in the chair - hope they gave you enough anaesthetic to get through. When I had my second wisdom tooth out the anaesthetic had begun to wear off - it was sooooo painful - had to have another dose before they took it out. It will be great when you have all the fillings done - one more thing to tick off your list and on the way to your trip for next year

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Oct 2019, 10:57 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Adge - that is unusual that we both had fillings today. Its throbbing atm, gonna take something for it.. I have years of neglect to catch up on. Keep trying to find those birds 🐦💙

Hi @Zoe7 nice to see you. Yes, garden will be fine and teeth on the mend... Even got optometrist tomorrow 👀

@Faith-and-Hope - thinking of you too 🌷 and @outlander 💙 and @Maggie and all you who are so kind here 💙🌷🦉

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